24M app developer. After two startups that I worked at shut down (funding issues), I was jobless for a few months this year. Every family gathering, my relatives openly taunted me, “Why are you working at startups?”, “When will you do a proper job (for them proper job is when you work at MNCs)?”, kept telling my parents to force me into MBA or govt job even though they know nothing about tech.
They also taunted my parents behind my back saying “that he doesn’t have work , how are you going to buy new house and all”. My dad is retiring soon, so parents were stressed and vulnerable.
Now I have a stable job again. At family events when the same relatives make their usual “jokes” about my career, I give short, sharp replies. They get offended and complain to my parents that I’ve become rude and arrogant.
My parents scold me lately saying I should laugh it off or stay quiet because “they’re elders” and I’m creating unnecessary tension in the family.
I feel I’m just refusing to be their punching bag anymore, but my parents think I’m being disrespectful and should keep peace even if the jokes are at my expense.
AITA for answering back instead of smiling and taking the taunts like before?
NTA. You are not the one being disrespectful. I have a hard time imagining what joy these gathering bring you, but keep going if you want.
NTA
Your relatives sound insufferable. I don’t know the ins and outs of Indian culture, but being family doesn’t give them the right to treat you like that.
They’re being rude, unnecessarily, but the fact that your parents keep telling you to respect elders makes me think this is a cultural thing rather than a rudeness thing.
Instead of your standard short sharp replies, just look confused. Ask them what they mean. Make them really spell it out. Make them squirm as they explain that they’re just poking at you. And then tell them that they clearly don’t understand tech, or jokes, but you’re willing to explain it to them if they like. Be helpful 😉
The key here, in a cultural situation, is that elders don’t truly always deserve respect, but you also have the option of smothering them with kindness. Don’t give them ammunition to complain about you to your parents, that way it won’t fall back on you.
NTA
Yes! Sometimes the aggressive approach is best, but other times, passive-aggressive is the way to go — it gets your point across without letting other people claim the moral high ground.
Or just skip attending events with extended family. It sounds aggravating and not enjoyable for you. I’m sure these parents want you attend but they can’t have their cake and eat it too. It’s crappy of them to expect you to suffer verbal abuse
They may be “elders”, but more like elder assholes. Tell them they stink. Good luck with the startups — I had a great career with them.
NTA but why do you give them a platform anymore? They don’t deserve it. IMHO everyone deserves respect but once lost people, related or not, must earn it back. Sounds like they don’t respect you so why waste your time?
NTA. Now that I’m older, I just do my best to avoid negative people like this. Relatives or not. I have limited time left on this planet, why waste a finite resource on people who drag me down? I just don’t attend many events with the toxic folks who annoy me. Life is too short.
I put up with enough of this kind of crap when I was younger. Not any more.
Are you living at home? if so, move out. If not, don’t come to the parties or gatherings. Just be busy every time.
NTA
Rather than snap back, why not just say “I’m not interested in talking about my work.” Then change the subject. You don’t have to stoop to their level. Nta though.
NTA. mocking someone who has lost a job isn’t cool. They’re being jerks.
NTA. You are 24!!! Probably 2-3 years out of college. This is the time to work at start ups and explore and find a job so you don’t dread waking up for work. It probably wasn’t possible for them. Luckily you’re making the right choices.
All that being an elder means as they haven’t managed to die yet. It is not associated with any wisdom, life, experience, kindness, generosity, or any great quality that deserves respect.
NTA
Also, is this *tell me you are Indian without telling me you are Indian?*