I(29F) am married to my husband(30M) and we have a daughter(1F). We both work full time jobs so during the week we have childcare for our daughter which consists of 2 days with in laws, 2 days with a nanny and 1 day with my parents. I have never had a problem with my in laws, but ever since I had my daughter, my mother in law gets under my skin so much. She has 3 boys, so never had a daughter and I’m not sure if that has anything to do with it? She doesn’t listen to me about anything I have set in place for my baby. I feel like what I ask are reasonable requests. I ask her not to share utensils with the baby, which I have seen her do. I ask her to feed her what I’ve left her for lunch, she won’t. She eats out every single meal every day and instead of feeding my 1 year old what I leave she will just get her to eat fast food. She keeps the door open when she goes to the bathroom and my baby goes in and plays in there. All she does all day everyday is watch tv, so I ask her to limit tv time for my daughter. She won’t put her down at the times I tell her so it messes up her sleep schedule and my daughter is a terror without a sleep schedule. She just flat out doesn’t respect my wishes as a mother and claims to forget all the time. I literally wrote her down a schedule to help with her forgetfulness and when I leave in the morning and tell her things, I repeat it multiple times to make sure she’s got it. Apparently she told my husband that I’ve been “talking down to her” and it’s making me question whether I’ve been overreacting and being a helicopter mom or she’s just blatantly not listening and doing whatever she wants and how to address it.
NTA, but if she won’t respect the boundaries, your options are either stopping letting her babysit/find a new sitter, or realize she isn’t going to change.
The TV issue is the only one that really bothers me that you mentioned.
The sleep schedule would be a problem as well. Sticking to a routine is important at that age.
NTA
I suggest a new schedule: 3 days with nanny, 2 days with your parents, and one day supervised visits with MIL.
NTA
You’re not speaking down to her but you might want to find alternative for the 2 days she’s with her.
Sounds like she shouldn’t be watching her, especially if they can’t respect how you want to raise your kid.
NTA. She can’t respect simple boundaries with YOUR child. Husband needs to lay down the law or it’s time to find new child care.
NTA, but unfortunately this is one of those ‘beggers can’t be choosers’ situations – this is all not great but it’s also not putting your daughter in danger while she is doing you a huge favor. She’s already shown she won’t change so it’s up to you both on if her providing babysitting is worth your rules not being followed
NTA
Stop letting MIL watch her.
The trouble here is you either pay for childcare and stop sending her to your MIL, or accept your mother in law will do whatever she wants. Informal childcare arrangements are great when you and the grandparents are on the same page and they respect your boundaries and parenting, but if they don’t you need to put her in paid childcare instead. ESH.
NTA. You have a husband problem. Are you unable to afford childcare away from her?
NTA – but the only way to avoid this is going to be stopped her watching your child. I’d never leave my daughter with my MIL because I know she wouldn’t listen to any of this stuff and I don’t trust her to follow what I ask. Nothing you’re asking is unreasonable, especially when it’s not one offs but twice a week. You’re going to have to find another option
NTA. The only one of your issues I wouldn’t also have an issue with is the bathroom door – baby girl is at the age where 5 minutes unsupervised during a caretaker poo can be disastrous.
If MIL won’t listen to you, and won’t put baby and baby’s well being first while caretaking, then it’s time to find alternative childcare arrangements for those two days. Grandma is now on supervised visit status.
YTA. Your MIL has repeatedly demonstrated that she will not follow your instructions regardless of how many times you tell her or write them down and yet you keep allowing her to “care” for your child. Stop it. Your child needs structure and her schedule. For your sanity, you need it as well.
Pony up and get that nanny on board for MIL’s 2 days and tell her you won’t be requiring her childcare any longer.
The most expensive childcare is the free childcare offered by incompetent family members. Extend the nanny to four days a week or find a good daycare with a solid reputation. NTA for wanting better for your daughter but YTA for continuing to play this game with MIL.