My girlfriend is a psychologist, and her work sometimes makes her late. Here are a few recent examples: Couples therapy: She was late because her client ran late. This wasn’t the first time this happened, and as a result, we lost part of our planned session. Yesterday: She was supposed to meet me at 7 PM. I waited about 20 minutes in cold weather. I got upset and spoke sharply, saying that I didn’t care about her client – what mattered to me was how she manages her time and respects our plans. She got angry and said that I don’t respect her job, even though I wasn’t criticizing her work, just expressing my frustration about the impact on me. Today: She’s going out with friends to a bar and didn’t invite me(because of the yesterday’s conflict). I had already ordered food for myself. When she saw this, she started crying hysterically because I didn’t offer to share, even though she’s the one going out with her friends. I love her, but I notice that I feel increasingly angry and frustrated. I’m trying to figure out if my feelings are valid, or if I’m overreacting. AITA for getting angry at my girlfriend over repeated lateness and expressing my frustration sharply?
Sounds like the whole relationship is messed up. YTA for being mad at her for running late from work- you know as well as everyone else there’s not much she could have done about that, especially in a field like psychology. Her not inviting you to the bar with her friends is a perfectly normal thing since she’s going with friends and yall had a fight, but her going nuts because you ordered food while she was supposed to be at the bar is weird. However this isn’t r/relationshipadvice so yeah YTA for snapping at her for being late, something I doubt she can control.
A conversation about communicating when she’ll be late would be a much better solution (and the best part is its not too late to do so)
I don’t think you two are working out. NTA
You don’t understand her job. A therapist doesn’t just clock off once a client leaves. We need to have them arrive, see them for the alloted time frame, write notes (which is a legal requirement), do any administration work- book next appointments, payments etc, and if there’s a high risk for example the client mentions suicidal thoughts etc we can’t let them leave until we’re confident they’re safe and a safety plan has been done.
It’s not a 9-5 job.
YNTA for expressing your frustration but YTA for not understanding her job
hilarious……it sounds like they had couples therapy and she was late. So i guess her clients are more important than her realtionship, They’re in therapy for a reason and she has to respect it….NTA.
If a therapist has a full case load, they can’t just extend the session because the client is running late so this is not something that should be expected. Boundaries need to be set and maintained. The allotted time frame is their scheduled time and part of their scheduled time is intended for paperwork/administration work.
If administration work is her reason to be late, she needs to learn to schedule her plans better. She could easily factor in paperwork if necessary but this was not done. She could also easily communicate with him if she does get held up, leaving him to stand out in the cold waiting on her for 20 minutes is an AH move when a simple text could deliver enough information to him to seek shelter.
this just isn’t true. patients are seen not for the allotted time, they are seen in their allotted time slot. if a patient is late, that doesn’t mean they just get to eat into the next patients time? if you really do have a practice – I know people can say anything on here, in all likelihood you aren’t even a therapist – but if you DO have a practice and you treat patients this way, that is wildly unprofessional and not in line with best practices.
it may not be a 9-5, but therapists absolutely have set hours. documentation is built into those hours. admin time is built into those hours. OP, NTA. your girlfriend is either lying about why she’s late or she’s just wildly mismanaging her time.
Nta, she needs to set better boundaries. If the client is late to the appointment, the time doesn’t get extended. The appointment should still end at the same time and they can continue their discussion in a future appt. If a client is 20 minutes late, the session should’ve been rescheduled. If client is constantly late or missing appts, they need to be discharged. If your gf has been doing this for a while, she should be able to plan around her appts better. Boundaries are important for everyone involved.
What the??!?!?!! I cannot understand where these comments are coming from. You are absolutely NTA. Of course she can’t help it when a client runs over a little bit. What she can do is agree on a meeting time with you that is thirty minutes later to allow for unforeseen issues with her job. It’s such an easy fix. She seems to run late often so why would she not build in that cushion so she doesn’t inconvenience you. She’s the one who doesn’t respect you.
She’s a psychologist and you guys are going to couples therapy and you’re asking reddit for advice….?
“Couples therapy: She was late because her client ran late. This wasn’t the first time this happened, and as a result, we lost part of our planned session.”
Do you see how these two events contradict each other? You and your partner were late to the session, and therefore you missed part of your session. Because regardless of how late you start the session, it will end at the same time. Your partner’s patient being late should not affect her lateness, because her patients’ session should still be ending on time.
She prioritised her patient over you and your relationship. This alone is pretty shitty of her. Her crying when you ordered food because she was going out? That’s red-flag territory. NTA
Exactly. I’ve been to therapy and ending on time is just the expectation.
Uhhhh, in my experience, if you are late for a therapist appointment, your appointment will either be cancelled (and charged a cancelation fee) or you get until the end of the scheduled time, making your total appointment time shorter. The time for the therapists notes is the last 15 min of the appointment so if your appointment starts at 6 pm, you have until 645 pm to talk to the therapist. I don’t see why your girlfriend is late. She sounds like she is not firm enough with her clients, fails to set boundaries with them, and doesn’t respect your time.
You guys are scheduling things too tight for one
Yeah, INFO: Which of you keeps scheduling plans with no buffer?