We’re trying to call in a plumber to fix a water main leak. Before the plumber returned to his car to call his boss for a quote, she gave the plumber some sparkling cider. The plumber was very pleased, said his grandma drinks it and took it. Then, she said if we give him more he might lower the price.
He came back with a $1.5k quote. The rack she took the cider from was the same rack holding my Riesling white wine. My bf and I took ages looking for this wine, we visited nearly every liquor store nearby and none of them had it. We were only able to get it by convincing his mom (who runs a liquor store too) to put in a special order for it. It has a lot of sentimental value and memories to me and symbolizes a joint "quest" succeeding. I had 2 left, one to drink with friends and one to keep until I am ready to open lol.
I told my mom right then and there to not give my Riesling away. Guess what? She gave it away and told the plumber call your boss again to ask and try again for a lower price. She even takes over the phone to call the boss herself too. Of course, it doesn’t work. Either way, she ends the night happy with the quote.
This morning, I find out she’s not happy with the quote anymore and is calling more companies. I wouldn’t have minded this if she hadn’t given my Riesling away. I confront her about how upset I am that she gave away something that was mine and didn’t belong to her. She retorted with saying, "Well I gave my car to you. I pay your tuition, I give my money to you. And you can’t even be ok giving up your wine for me."
I was dumbfounded. Maybe she has a point. Maybe I’m the wrong one here and I was being selfish to my mom and ungrateful for her help in finding a plumber. Thoughts? Opinions? AITA?
narcisstic much ?
You need to draw a line with her ! No one can give away your stuff without your permission because they chose to give you stuff ! It does NOT work that way !
You need to move out on your own or with your BF.
NTA Apples & oranges situation.
Yeah – the difference is OP’s mom chose to make those financial gifts towards OP. OP did not consent to having her items taken.
NTA This was a massive overstep by your mom. If you can’t lock your stuff up, move it to a safer location – maybe a trusted friend’s house. Make plans to move out as soon as you reasonably can. Start by making sure you have all important paperwork secured.
NTA Your mom did a bad thing.
But won’t any liquor store make a special order if you ask? That shouldn’t be a big deal.
The friendly liquor store near me carries a bunch of stuff they didn’t have and I asked for. Their reply was inevitably come back next week and I would and they’d have two types of whatever I was looking for.
Sometimes it sells out meaning I wasn’t the only person wanting it, other times the same couple of bottles are collecting dust.
You are allowed to be annoyed with your mom when you specifically asked her not to give away a thing and she gave it away. That’s weird. NTA.
NTA, but you should move out, you are 26 and if she is paying for your things, I can see how she feels justified. The only way to ensure your belongings are respected is for you to have your own place.
Those are two separate things.
Many adults are living at home longer due to exorbitant housing prices.
They also often are gainfully employed and pay for their own things. If mom is upset at the arrangement: address it.
Giving away your adult child’s belongings they personally pay for is not the way to handle it.
Talk to your child about what bills and expenses you expect them to cover, don’t be passive aggressive and give away their belongings. Treat them like an adult and act like one, too.
Your mother WBTA if she doesn’t replace what she gave away. I can understand she wanted to try and bribe the guy for a cheaper price and grabbed what was available. You said yourself she knows how to get more. If she replaces it, then no harm no foul.
If she doesn’t want to replace it, then I guess you need to suck it up because you are relying on her for all of the things she listed…you have no leverage here. You can keep your stuff safe when you move out into your own place and pay all your own bills. That might suck, but that is the truth of the matter.
What your mom did was theft.
NTA. In what universe does me giving someone something give me the right to give away their things? It’s insanity designed to misdirect.