Hi so for quick context my fiancé and I recently went out to dinner for a friends birthday and the vibes were RANCID. Or at least they felt that way to me, and maybe I’m overreacting, but from the start everything was off.
My Fiancé and I were the first to arrive and the reservation was for 8pm but the last people to arrive to the restaurant sat at our table around 10pm. My friend having the birthday we will call her, Audry, who’d made the reservation changed it last minute when she got to the door and added three more people to an already large party. She then turned to me and told me she’d forgotten her wallet at home.
I wasn’t expecting to pay for any one else besides me and my fiancé . So when I saw the bill starting to add up and more people starting to show up, I pulled our sever aside and asked if I could split off the appetizer we shared, our entrees and drinks. We live in America, so of course I tipped our sever, and our bill between just me and my future wife was expensive for what it was. But I guess am I the asshole? for quickly getting me and my fiancé out of the restaurant because when the rest of the bill for the table came I didn’t want to feel responsible to put my card down for my friend who didn’t have her wallet.
The worst part is I’m not sure if the rest of the party tipped our sever, I’m hopeful they tipped in cash but they didn’t leave one on a card, or maybe they did on a different receipt. They sent a photo of the receipt in the chat, and it had no tip written in, I ended up leaving the chat. Again I’m hoping they tipped in cash but ahhhh help bro your out.
Ah, yes. The old “I forgot my wallet” trick. Not only are you NTA, but you were smart to get the heck out of there before others announced that they had “forgotten their wallets”. When we do group dinners, we ask for separate checks. It makes everything simpler.
Also… it’s 2025. How does forgetting your wallet really make a difference – can’t most people pay with their phones? Or if they can’t, can’t they immediately send the money to somebody who does have the ability to pay their bill?
Maybe a decade ago I had room for “I forgot my wallet I’ll pay you back”, but today it’s blatantly bullshit.
NTA I don’t really know how a person, who is hosting her own birthday party, forgets her wallet. I would have paid for mine and skedaddled, too.
I have never once gone to a dinner party for a friend’s birthday without paying for the birthday person. We typically all split it up evenly excluding the birthday guest. That being said, we typically don’t go to very expensive restaurants and none of us put the alcohol on the general check we typically get our drinks from the bar to avoid any problems.
Except that the birthday person claimed to have forgotten her wallet – which means that she *intended* to pay for herself. Why mention the missing wallet if she wasn’t expecting to spend any money?
PS I don’t believe anybody who claims to forget their wallet in today’s world when you can pay by phone.
NTA
I promise you she didn’t forget her wallet.
NTA. Her party that she’s hosting and she forgot her wallet? Sounds suspicious. Maybe they planned on this from the beginning. I would’ve probably done the same.
NTA: she planned her own party. She should have remembered her wallet, or didn’t she have like a payment saved in her phone?
Was gonna say, in today’s world, there is no excuse for this with apple pay, venmo, zelle, etc!
NTA- Ive been to multiple dinners and the best way is everyone pay for their food and if agreed before hand split the birthday person.
NTA. She planned the party
The situation sounds like a shit show but the post needs clarification. You have to clearly describe both sides of the conflict for people to judge. The only information we have about any actual conflict resulting from your actions is “I guess I am the asshole?” INFO who said you were the asshole, and what reason did they give?
NTA. Audry sounds like bad news, but I’m guessing you know that. I understand the commenters who fault you for not chipping in, but the whole affair sounds like a shitshow not of your devising. It’s one thing to chip in for the birthday girl, another thing to help pick up the tab for a big party.
Many restaurants will have the tip automatically added to large groups.