In the country i live in high school, during sophomore year, there is a school ball where you buy a beautiful dress and dance with a partner. It’s kind of like prom but more of a rehearsed performance. The dance is performed as a group for the rest of the school and our families. I’ve always found these dances magical, and ever since I was a little girl it has been my dream to take part in them. I went to high school for this reason, and my boyfriend knows this all.
Well, now I’m a sophomore and the dance is getting closer, but my boyfriend doesn’t like the idea. The dance makes him anxious because he doesn’t want me to “touch other boys.” We had already been arguing over this for over half a year until he finally “gave me permission” to dance on the condition that my partner will be a girl. I was totally fine with that, and I’m now going to dance with my friend (a girl) so that my boyfriend can feel at ease. (and no, I can’t dance with my boyfriend because he goes to a different school)
However, this still isn’t enough for him, because in some of the dances the partners rotate, so I will still be “touching other boys.” To be clear, we’re talking about 10-second moments where I briefly touch another boy’s hands. My boyfriend has now said that he doesn’t understand why I would want to do this to him and that he consideres this cheating. He said the only reason he’s letting me dance is because I was “so fucking mean” when he was trying to forbid it earlier this year.
I’ve now had a few dance practices at school, and after every class we’ve argued so badly that for the first time in our 2 year long relationship I’ve brought up the possibility of breaking up. Although a lot of stuff went down during a particular fight, we’re still together. I don’t want to leave him because I love him so much, but jealousy and trust seem to be hard problems for him. I get that he’s feeling insecure and is afraid of being replaced, but it hurts to see how little he trusts me since i’ve never given him any reason not to trust me.
Now I want to know: is it actually wrong of me to participate in this dance? Am I being selfish for thinking he shouldn’t have such a big problem with this since he knows it’s been a dream of mine for a decade? Can these kinds of dances really be considered as cheating?
This is so long lol sorry and thank you in advance !
Your bf is insecure and you need to tell him he needs to calm down
Dance is not the problem.
Dansing partners are not the problem.
You are not the problem.
Guess who’s the walking red flag controlling manipulative problem?
NTA
That boyfriend is waving all the red flags.
Trying to forbid you because you touch a guy’s hand? The fact he’s trying to forbid you at all is absolutely not right. He has no right to forbid you to do anything.
Breaking up sounds like the healthier option. Because if this was a grown man trying to forbid his partner from anything the response would be to leave. It’s the same here. It’s a dance. You are not being intimate with another person.
The fact he considers you dancing in a event for the school simply because you may dance with a guy an act of cheating shows he’s insecure and isn’t ready for a relationship.
You’ve been wanting to do this for how long? And you might give it up over a guy? Nope. I’m likely old enough to be the age of your mother and Im saying go to the dance, dance with anyone you want regardless of gender and drop him. He’s not ready for a relationship. At all.
Get the pretty dress, dance with anyone without limits and have fun. And don’t worry about him.
NTA… no, it isn’t cheating. This dance is clearly meaningful to you, and you should participate.
It’s nice that he wants to be a part of your life, but you don’t need to “get his permission” to do ANYTHING. It’s always good to consider your partner in your decision making, but you shouldn’t make each other compromise on your dreams: it causes a lot of regret and frustration down the road. You should go to the dance, and he needs to decide if this is a hill he’s willing to die on. If it is, break up with him.
NTA
His behavior is concerning and incredibly possessive. This is a tradition you’ve been looking forward to for many years, please do not miss out on this memorable experience due to an insecure boy.
He doesn’t have the right to forbid you to do anything, and the idea that he’s “letting” you dance is toxic as all hell. You’re not a possession. This guy is waving so many red flags he might as well be a matador.
NTA, this is not a trust issue it’s a control issue, he’s already controlled you by saying you can only dance with girls and is now controlling wether or not you are “allowed”to go. Honey you are in high school there will be plenty of other boyfriends don’t ever ever let a man tell you what you can and cannot do, when you are in a real relationship you are partners yes there will be times when you will have to compromise but not because your partner won’t let you
Your boyfriend has serious control issues. Ask yourself if this is really a healthy relationship and a person to truly trust. Dancing is not a portal to sex, and his need to control you is disturbing.
Your bf needs therapy.
Girl!!! Do not EVER give up your dreams and experiences for a boy!!!! I wish I could go back and kick myself for all the times I did this as a teenager. You will never get this moment back. NTA – but please kick him to the curb.
You really need to take some time to study what the difference is between insecurity and a controlling personality. The dance you are describing sounds very innocent and the amount of touching is so minimal that I’m more worried about you having a controlling BF. Please take time to really learn. Life with a controlling man is horrible.
You will regret it forever if you decide not to dance because of him.
Giving in to this ridiculous command will set you up to do whatever he wants in the future.
Your dreams are yours. No one has the right to stomp on them, and isn’t he supposed to want to make YOU happy?
There- 3 reasons you need to tell him to stfu.
>he doesn’t want me to “touch other boys.” 🚩
I’m now going to dance with my friend (a girl) so that my boyfriend can feel at ease 🚩🚩
he doesn’t understand why I would want to do this to him and that he consideres this cheating 🚩🚩🚩
we’re talking about 10-second moments where I briefly touch another boy’s hands. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
He said the only reason he’s letting me 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
is because I was “so fucking mean” 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
when he was trying to forbid it earlier this year 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
>I love him so much
Well, that makes one of you! In addition to being extremely controlling, your boyfriend sounds verbally abusive. Are you familiar with the concept of DARVO? It stands for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. That is exactly what your boyfriend is doing. You have bent over backward to accommodate his unreasonable demands, and he is still making himself out to be the victim.
His request that you never touch another man is not realistic. What if you’re in a crowded subway car and someone bumps into you? What if you go to the doctor, and the physician is male? What if a male cashier hands you a receipt and brushes your hand? Is he going to yell at you and throw a fit about your “cheating” every time you go out into the world?
This is not sustainable, my friend. I would really encourage you to see these for the red flags that they are. When you’re a little bit older and have a little bit more dating experience, I think you will see that this fellow is not such a nice guy after all, and that you deserve so much better. NTA. Enjoy your dance, and rethink this relationship!
All I am hearing here, is that your boyfriend is a controlling, insecure, and overly possessive person. His reactions sound less than normal. Honestly, just this post shows so many red flags from him, that is actually kinda scary to me.
Nothing bad is happening at *school sanctioned dance party*. You are NTA so go and enjoy the dance and have fun.