So this happened a few days ago. I was walking on my street and I saw this young woman around my age. There was a guy beside her and he kept getting really close to her like walking in front of her then turning around to face her and saying something over and over. I could not hear what he was saying but it looked uncomfortable. The woman lives in my building. We cross paths sometimes but only spoke once when we were both checking our mail.
She waved at me and walked over and acted like she knew me. She said something like we should get going because her friends were already waiting for us and then she started walking beside me. The guy stepped back when she came towards me.
I got concerned that this was some sort of scam. I know that sounds strange but I have heard stories of people getting pulled into situations or being blamed for something later. So I told her I did not know what she meant. I said I do not know you like that and maybe you mistook me for someone else. She tried again and said no you are my name. I said yes that is me but we never made plans and we do not really know each other. I walked away and the guy went back to her.
Later I saw her in the building. She told me he was pestering her and being annoying and she wanted to pretend we were a couple or friends so he would go away. She said she thought I understood what she was doing.
Now I am wondering if I am the ah.
For context I am Indian but I have lived in Canada a long time. I am a single guy and to be honest I usually keep my distance from women because I do not want to make anyone uncomfortable or be taken the wrong way. People sometimes get very protective or suspicious especially if they see me near younger women especially if they are white and I guess I have become very cautious because of that. I did not want to end up in a situation where someone claims I did something or dragged me into something I did not understand.
I have heard things happen to other people and I have noticed how some people act wary around me and shield their kids from talking to me at events. (I have a dog and kids go crazy to pet him)
She saw me again afterwards and was polite but a bit cold and now I feel bad. Should I have just gone along with it or was I right to be careful.
Sorry but YTA
If a woman you are familiar with is getting harassed by a strange man and then spots you and acts like you have plans she is doing so because she is trying to escape a situation where she felt unsafe
She was not trying to scam you, you know where she lives! What would be the point?
YTA. She was looking for you to support her escaping the other guy who was harassing her.
Wow, major YTA.
Yes YTA. She needed help and asked for it and you didn’t give it.
YTA. You could see her being pestered, looking uncomfortable and the dude backing off when she approached you… what would it have taken for you to walk with her and clarify around the corner? This is a common situation. Read the room…
Yea she did that because she was being harassed by the other guy. Women often do this to get the guy who is harassing them off of their back and with a guy around, they’re less likely to do something if they think she “knows” someone who lives near or with her whether friend or SO.
YTA
She needed help getting away from a man who was harassing her. She even told you as much afterwards. Not understanding the situation at the time is one thing, but still not understanding when it’s been explained to you afterwards is a definite YTA.
YTA
You saw that she was being bothered and you registered that she was uncomfortable. She needed help and you threw her to the wolves when all you had to do was walk with her.
If you think people acted wary around you before, this is not going to help your cred in this building.
Holy mother of all cows, yes you ARE the asshole here, a royal asshole.
YOU were scared because you encountered some racists? Did she act this way? Ever?
Even then, she came for you for help, you saw how she got harassed and you thought
“Nah, she’ll be fine, she can handle that guy”
would be appropriate?
YTA. And a bloody coward.
Yta. You see a man invading her comfortable zone and not respecting boundaries and she tried to get to a person she thought would be safe and you proved to her you aren’t. Maybe next time (if that even happens) you’ll actually save the women from the unwanted male attention. Anyway give her a damn apology for letting her get harassed by a strange man and not helping her when she went to you a person she at least knew wasn’t a threat.
Sorry but YTA.
When a woman who’s being followed by, or even when she appears to be in casual conversation with, a man comes up to you and pretends you’re her husband, or her BF, or that you have a plan with her, this is right up there with someone passing you a note asking you to call the emergency police line. This woman was in potential danger (or at very least an extremely awkward situation, perhaps with a total stranger hitting on her) and needed you to help her out. YTA for your failure to do so. Please apologize and tell your neighbor that you didn’t understand what was happening, and that you were concerned about a racial incident. But that now that you do understand, you’ll protect the woman in future.
She trusted you to be a good samaritan, and you let her down.
It sounds like more of a culture gap.
It is generally a thing that if a girl / woman you know (or even if you don’t) comes up to you and is attempting to convincingly talk to you like you are well acquainted / friends / dating, especially if she’s with a man that she looks really uncomfortable with, you play along and help get her away from the creepy guy.
Of course you aren’t required to play along, but I can also understand her disappointment since you aren’t actually total strangers. You can apologize to her if you’d like and explain that you didn’t know that this was a thing. Could be a chance to get to know each other better and be friends / friendly.
So you got all caught up in your incelish ideas about women dragging you into false accusations and Indian men being seen as a threat and for *that*, which is in your own head only (and yeah “I’ve heard a story” doesn’t count), you deliberately left a person in a dangerous situation, while knowing it was dangerous and while it cost you nothing to just go along and pretend for five minutes.
Yeah YTA
YTA. She needed help and you blew her off.