I kind of feel like a jerk for saying unkind things about my best friends husband. At the same time, I thought that everyone who went out of their way to come help them deserve an explanation as to why they had to be out in -40° weather.
Yesterday I (36 F) got a frantic call from my best friend (36 F). She says that both she and her husband (35 M) were stuck at the gas station because both cars wont start. While this sounds unrealistic to some, this is in a northern state during an arctic blast of -40° cold front. Batteries stop working in that kind of cold. My friend tells me that her husband called her to come give him a jump, and when she got there and tried to jump his car, hers suddenly shut off and then wouldn’t start.
Naturally, I already have jumper cables in my trunk. So I head straight to the gas station where they were both stuck.
I try her husband’s car first, and nothing works. So then I try my friends car, same thing.
I call my husband (40 M) for assistance. He comes with a high powered battery jumper pack. He tries both vehicles but nothing works. Now we are stumped. My husband calls his brother-in-law who is a mechanic.
My brother-in-law shows up with (pardon my ignorance) a few things that test different parts. He can’t find anything wrong.
After 3 hours, everyone is frozen stiff and ready to call it quits. They all leave. I call for a tow truck to come get both vehicles. While waiting for the tow truck, I am trying every car shop in town to find an opening for even one of the two vehicles.
It is at this moment that my friends husband tells me that he is pretty sure that both vehicles wont start because he had poured half a gallon of antifreeze into both gas tank.
I am shocked into silence. He had kept this to himself for 3 hours while all of us worked in the cold trying to help them.
I text this to my husband and brother-in-law. They are pissed, and refuse to come back out. I finally find a shop close by that was still open. They agree to take both.
Once everything was taken care of, my friend offers to buy me dinner. At the restaurant, I told her that I texted my husband and brother-in-law about what he did. She became upset because she feels that it makes her husband look stupid. Since we found a shop that could fix it, I should have just not said anything.
She called her husband, and for nearly 15 mins I can hear him yelling at her over the phone. She tries to calm him down by saying its okay, everything will work out, he doesnt need to worry about it, his parents will be back tomorrow, etc.
Apparently, her husband feels emasculated, and is afraid that all of us think he is stupid. Keep in mind that nobody has said a word to him about it. I can see where he is coming from, though. I imaging that this situation likely brought out one of his biggest sensitivities and fears of public rejection.
AITA for telling my husband and brother-in-law the stupid thing he did?
>her husband feels emasculated, and is afraid that all of us think he is stupid
well, he *IS* stupid, who the hell puts antifreeze in the gas tank?
NTA
AND he didn’t bother to tell anyone and had everyone out in the cold. He’s not only stupid, he’s the AH.
This is the real problem. Everyone does stupid things sometimes. It’s not being able to admit it that is the problem.
NTA
Why are YOU the one calling tow trucks and shops to get it fixed?
Does your friend’s husband often yell at her like that?
Yeah I couldn’t understand that either. OP, why was this your and your family’s problem after you couldn’t get a jumpstart? Seems like that should have been the point that your role as a helpful friend was over. You wipe their asses for them too?
>afraid that all of us think he is stupid
If the shoe fits…..
He’s TA for letting everyone work on his car for 3 hours in that weather without saying anything. Your husband and brother-in-law deserved to know. You’re NTA.
>She became upset because she feels that it makes her husband look stupid.
She’s right: it *does* make her husband look stupid, because he did an objectively stupid thing. That isn’t the part that actually makes him stupid, though–I do objectively stupid things every damn day, and I’m sure I’m not alone (or stupid)! The part that actually makes him stupid is that he let all of the kind, selfless people who came out to help him struggle for *hours* in the icy fucking cold rather than sheepishly ‘fessing up.
NTA. Tell your friend you’re sorry her husband has such a tiny fragile ego, and that it would have been a funny story if he’d just come clean right away.
And now he just looks controlling and abusive for yelling at his wife about it.
Again, just like with the stupid thing, he doesn’t LOOK like he is controlling and abusive, he IS controlling and abusive.
That doesn’t make him stupid… that makes him an asshole.
Stay quiet and hope no one finds out and literally risk someone losing a finger or toe.
OR
Fess up and everyone goes home maybe slightly annoyed at the stupid mistake, but not angry at the lie by omission.
People die in -40 weather. He preferred to save face over people’s safety.
And why is OP the one doing all the leg work to find tow trucks and auto shops? Stupid and entitled.
>he is pretty sure that both vehicles wont start because he had poured half a gallon of antifreeze into both gas tank.
He is stupid.
>She became upset because she feels that it makes her husband look stupid.
He made himself look stupid.
>her husband feels emasculated
He made himself feel emasculated.
>is afraid that all of us think he is stupid.
He IS stupid.
NTA.
NTA. Her husband *is* stupid. He’s also inconsiderate. Did they expect you to keep this from your husband?
Y’all are true friends. Three hours!!!