I have two roommates, let’s call them Amy and Jenny.
I never really see Jenny a lot, she works in healthcare and has a very active social life, so its rare that she is around our apartment for extended periods of time. Nevertheless, she’s fine, and she’s pretty nice when I do see her.
My other roommate, Amy, has actually been a roommate of mine for over a year now. She has been pretty nice, and I’ve never had a genuine problem with her. The issue that brings me to post is that Amy is a TALKER. She talks, all the time, nonstop. It is, honestly, impressive. It’s like having a personal podcast where there is no off button at all. I think there have been times where she has spoken, without a break, for over 15 minutes at a time.
I would have no issue with this if it weren’t for the fact that when I say talking nonstop, I mean nonstop. I mean there is no break between. If I were to say something in reaction or acknowledgement to what she has been saying, she will immediately steamroll my comment. If I were to say "hey how are you?" it is an opportunity to tell me about her entire family tree. There have been times where I have been running late to work, have run into her in the living room, and have said "Gotta go sorry bye" and she was STILL TALKING when I closed the door. Again: honestly impressive.
Where I wonder if I may be the asshole here is in my latest reactions to her level of talking. I have been exhausted lately, bone-tired, and I just unfortunately don’t have the capacity to be an active listener when I come home. So sometimes I have been just… not talking when she does. Letting her go on. It has escalated a bit lately to where I have started to avoid her if I hear her in our shared spaces. Amy is genuinely a kind lady, I just have no idea how to approach her and say ‘Hey, you’re nonstop talking and I cannot do it anymore I’m sorry’ without sounding like an asshole. But now I’m worried I may be acting like an asshole instead. I’ve noticed she has been slightly withdrawn lately.
AITA?
My grandmother would have said that Amy was vaccinated with a gramaphone needle.
I’ve known people like this. The people that you have to literally shut the door on because they cannot seem to process the normal cues of conversation. You have to do things that would be considered rude for your own sanity. It’s not rude because they have something wrong with them. NTA
NTA! I avoid those people at work too
My late sister was like this. Nothing, not even directly telling her, caused her to change. NTA. But do tell your roommate that you have a very stressful job and need peace and quiet to unwind everyday, so she will not be seeing much of you. Maybe point her towards a website, article, or book about introverts, so she can at least learn that chatter is not universally welcomed.
No
NTA
I think Amy might struggle with social cues or impulse control. I think giving her indirect feedback by disengaging or redirecting the conversation is more helpful than being direct. It’s not your job to teach her social skills or put yourself in uncomfortable situations for her benefit. If you do want to think of this in terms of problem-solving, though, Amy just needs some practice.
Your reactions to how she communicates with you should give her immediate feedback. If you just said “sometimes you talk too much” or “you don’t seem to pick up on social cues,” she would have a harder time adapting. If the issues are coming from ADHD, she might be really sensitive to perceived criticism or rejection. Directly telling her why you’re avoiding her would be just that. Sometimes saying things out loud just makes everything seem more serious or critical.
I have had this exact same experience with a precious roommate of mine. This roommate practically lived in our living room which was a completely separate and much more frustrating issue. Anyway, anytime I’d be walking to the kitchen, cooking, doing laundry etc. she was so chatty and there were genuinely days when I really did not feel contributing to the conversation. At first I just wouldn’t say much in response in hopes she’d take the hint and stop. But I realized that she wasn’t picking up on that and I honestly could just use my words and tell her I wasn’t feeling up to talking much because I was either too tired or mentally not capable of maintaining a conversation. It continued to be a problem even after I’d express that I wasnt in a chatting mood. She used to keep talking and talking and talking even after I’d fully walked in the stairs and almost entered my bedroom.
If you’ve vocalized that you’re not feeling up to chatting then NTA. I used to avoid doing things I needed to do too like feed myself or watch my clothes because she wouldn’t stop talking. If you’ve communicated it and she’s stepping over that then you’re not in the wrong
Nah I’ve found that ppl like this actually expect you to cut them off at some point. Otherwise they will go on forever if you let them.