Hi. I was over at my grandpa’s house yesterday. He and my Nana got new phones and were trying to set them up with my help. We called customer support. My Nana was trying to increase the font on her phone and the customer service rep was guiding us. As we were working on our phones my grandpa got agitated. My Nana was trying to ask questions to the representative and several times my grandpa shushed her. I noticed but I didn’t think it was a big deal and was showing my Nana the settings on my phone and how big I could make my font. My grandpa leaned over and said "shut up." I said "no." He said "I’m telling you to be quiet" and I said "no." Then he stood up and took his jacket off and said "get the hell out of my house." I said "no." He said he was going to call the police and I said fine go ahead. My Nana grabbed my arm and told me to stay with her at the house too. He was yelling at me and told him he was mean and a bully and that’s why none of his grandchildren call him.
He told my family and my aunt texted me to apologize. But I can’t because what I said was true. The other grandkids don’t like him and he doesn’t have a lot respect. His whole life he goes into these rages and in my late teens I stayed with him even though I don’t currently, and he kicked me out twice one for "breaking curfew" because I didn’t have a key to the house and couldn’t get even if I made it home. The other time was for something i don’t remember. My younger brother when he turned 18 stayed with him for maybe 2 months and then he got kicked out for not talking to him enough. My older sister lasted maybe 4 months then he flew in a rage and kicked her out too I don’t know all the details. But anyway, he goes through these moments where he’s disappointed nobody talks to him because he "has a lot of wisdom to impart." and everyone is "missing their opportunity to know him" He asks about my siblings and I started to say do you need their numbers? Because he wants information and my siblings do not want him to know about them. He says I’m the grandpa they should call me.
TLDR: I’ve been told to apologize but I meant every word. My grandpa’s not a bad person he just is unpleasant to be around.
NTA and your grandpa \*IS\* a bad person, clearly. Your poor Nana sounds scared of him and I can’t blame her.
he’s done good things too… but yeah he can be aggresive and rude sometimes.
Good doesn’t cancel out bad, they’re separate axes of morality
At least that’s my view
NTA Unfortunately your family are all flying monkeys who help enforce your grandfather’s bullying because slapping people like you down is easier than confronting him.
Tell them apologies are indeed due. They should apologise for being cowards and enablers.
This is interesting because i was sure I was going to get torn to shreds for being disrespectful to an elder. But my family had been enabling the men in it. My dad and grandpa are pretty much bullies…pretty much
NTA. He has been bullying people his entire life and will continue to do so. It’s unlikely he will change at the ripe age of 84.
Good that you stood up for your nana – sounds like she needs the support.
You’re right. he’s too old to change. I don’t know if I should apologize or not because of his age.
Has this just been recently/since he was elderly, or for as long as you remember?
Don’t !!
He doesn’t deserve an apology. IMO, age and title (grandfather) doesn’t give you the right to treat people like shit. I live (always have and always will) by the motto that you get treated how you treat me. Respect is earned, not given.
NTA He can change or not but that doesn’t mean your family needs to put up with his abuse. My family has a person who yells too and while they are not a bad person, their social skills have isolated them and that is their fault. It is hard for people to change…
Sounds like he is a lot like my grandpa (maternal side) used to be. He was a shitty person when he was younger but it took my mom leaving home as a teenager for him to snap out of it. He has since been a much better person.
I’m sorry your grandpa doesn’t seem like he cares enough to change.
NTA, just truthful.
you’re definitely the most emotionally mature person in your family, considering you don’t enable his behaviour. a lot of my male relatives are exactly the same, i’m sorry you and your family have to be around a man like that. i am sure your grandma is so thankful for you, if at the age of 84 your grandfather hasn’t changed, he never will. you’re not in the wrong at all
NTA
He’s a “poor me”. He can do no wrong, everything wrong with his life is everyone’s fault but his and he knows better, even if he doesn’t have a clue.
Good job. He is a bully.