I (40s F) recently moved back into a house that I legally own (my name is on the deed). I had been living in an apartment for a while to be closer to work, and during that time my adult daughter (early 20s) has been living in the house (rent free, it’s hard out there!)
She recently had friends come to visit for several days. I knew they’d be social and I didn’t have an issue with them being here or having fun. I wasn’t trying to control what they did during the day or evening.
One night, though, the noise went on until around 3–4am loud talking, laughing, doors slamming, etc. I asked around 1:30am if things could quiet down so people could sleep. It got a little better, but it was still loud enough that I barely slept.
This isn’t just about work. I have a chronic health condition, and lack of sleep really affects my health overall. On top of that, my town has a noise ordinance that requires quiet after 11pm.
The next day, I told my daughter that for the rest of her friends’ visit, the noise needed to stay at a reasonable level after midnight. I specifically said I wasn’t asking anyone to stop having fun, just to keep things quieter late at night in a shared home.
She did not take that well. She said:
This trip was planned months before I moved back in.
She wasn’t going to ask her friends to “walk on eggshells”.
That I was being unreasonable and “ridiculous”.
That I had no right to tell her what she can or can’t do in the house.
She also told me that if I don’t let her do what she wants in the home (meaning not setting limits on all-night parties), she would “go no contact” with the me.
I eventually told her that this wasn’t an argument, that my request was about health, basic respect in shared housing, and local law and that if the noise continued past midnight, my next step would be to involve law enforcement to enforce the ordinance.
She says I’m controlling, hostile, and ruining her friends’ visit.
We currently live in the same house.
Since that argument, she hasn’t spoken to me at all. It’s been about two weeks no conversation, no acknowledgment even though we’re sharing the same space. I haven’t tried to force communication or escalate things.
I did send her a text yesterday telling her I was getting groceries and asked her if she needed anything (she isn’t working right now). She snapped at me about where I parked my car, and that was it. I didn’t respond.
From my perspective, I set a pretty reasonable boundary in my own home and tried to handle it calmly. But given how extreme her reaction has been, I’m genuinely questioning myself.
AITA?
NTA for asking her to keep things quieter but why is she so disrespectful? Is this how she reacted when she was a child and being reprimanded for bad behaviour then?
Your daughter will go no contact? Good. You pay all her bills and support her and she treats you like trash. YTA to yourself for putting up with this.
Seriously! “You want to go no contact with me? That’s your choice. Let me know where to forward your mail.”
NTA.
She’s being very rude and childless. Asking her not to be obnoxiously loud is completely reasonable and if she lived anywhere else, she’d have gotten plenty of noise complaints.
Does she not realize that “going no contact” means she would have to find somewhere else to live and actually pay rent?? Or does she genuinely think she can just ignore you until you give in?
She is ungrateful
Time for her to move out
NTA. But you need to show your daughter some tough love. Stop the noise. Get a job. Start paying rent.
> That I had no right to tell her what she can or can’t do in the house.
Snorting laughing at the freeloading adult who contributes nothing to your house telling you that you’re not allowed to set rules in the house you own.
NTA obviously. Your daughter is weaponizing therapy speak to avoid addressing her atrocious behavior. I suggest you let her know if she wants to treat you like a stranger she can start paying rent like one too.
Throw her ass out. Time for her to be an adult.
NTA…. time for some tough love… it is hard out there, but when her sense of entitlement makes her think her wants are more important than your needs, maybe she needs a reminder. Threatening to go no contact is ridiculous, make it clear that isn’t what you want, but if you can’t coexist peacefully in the same house, she needs to explore other options.
She’s living in your house rent free! If she doesn’t like your rules, she can move elsewhere
Take the master bedroom back and start charging rent or evict her. If she stays, draw up a list of rules she has to agree to.
NTA at all. She needs to grow up and you need to open your eyes and realize you raised an entitled brat. She lives in your house, pays no rent, holds down no job and parties with friends until wee hours of the night. And if she has no job, who gives her money to host them? I guess you.
On top of that, when you make a reasonable request to respect your rest time and local she blows up, accuses you and threatens no contact. Seriously?
I hope you realize you hold the power, not this toddler in a 20-year old body. I know a parent who has firm boundaries with her kids. In your situation, she would have been surgical: she would tell her kid that she would not tolerate being spoken to this way and next time it happens the child would be looking for accommodation in a hostile housing market. Further, as an adult she needs to cover her expenses, so she has 30 days to find a job and after those 30 days will pay x amount of rent under the new formal lease agreement they would be making.
You are setting your child up for failure in the real world if you allow her to keep acting this way. If you don’t help herclearn, life will. And life’s lessons are usually a lot more cruel than a parent’s.
Tell her broke ass to go ahead and go “no contact” then. She won’t. She was using you, now she’s using you and treating you like crap, op. Lay down the law with her.
So she lives rent free and you buy her food and she can’t tell her friends to be quiet at a reasonable time?
Give her 30 days notice and enjoy your house.