Me and my boyfriend Jackson are both 17. I met Jackson through a wrestling meet but he also plays a bunch of other sports. He’s only been officially out for a few months now and I’m the first guy hes gone out with.. its been about 2 months though and like 80% of supposed to be dates somehow his best friend Chance also 17M ends up tagging along.. .. We still haven’t had a proper date yet..
I’ve tried being cool about it especially cause he says Chance just kinda invites himself and even though i thought that sounded incredibly dickish I put up with it. Since some of the things we had planned werent necessarily specifically romantic stuff I let it slide. But Saturday I planned this big romantic dinner at this fancy restaurant with literally just a reservation for 2. I saw Jackson show up with Chance and I kinda lost it. I pulled Jackson aside and was like what the hell and he just says Chance likes this place and wanted to come….I probably got way more pissed off then I should have and I went up to Chance and told him to Fuck off and to stop inviting himself on our every date like a weirdo creep. Jackson started freaking out and apparently had a panic attack and Chance took him outside to the car and got him to calm down. After Jackson calmed down some Chance pulled me away and explained that Jackson has really bad anxiety and been really nervous/anxious about being out and being alone on a date with a guy and he was just being a buffer. That kinda ended the night and Chance drove Jackson home. was i the asshole?
NAH. I think you and Jackson need to have a conversation about what you both want out of your relationship.
100 % boyfriend is the a-hole for lying to OP about why the best friend was tagging along. Also they are the a-hole for letting their friend tag along on dates.
You’re not the asshole. As much as I want to say there is an asshole, I don’t think there is. I think your boyfriend shouldn’t have started a public relationship if he wasn’t comfortable with that yet. However, I won’t fault him for that because it’s complicated situation to go through and I can’t imagine the many feelings associated. You deserve to be in a relationship that is proud to be in public with you and doesn’t need a “buffer”
I hope Jackson is able to figure out what he truly wants for himself and be comfortable in his own skin. It’s not your obligation to work through this with him, however if he means enough to you then you could.
NTA. But you could’ve handled it better. Jackson should’ve been honest with you about why Chase was tagging along so much, and not lied to you about Chase “inviting himself”, as it seems clear that Jackson was in fact inviting him. Knowing how you felt about Chase almost always being there, wouldn’t it have been easier/more honest for Jackson to just be honest about his anxiety?
I have anxiety, and get that it can be hard to discuss, but choosing to lie to your boyfriend so you don’t have to deal with your own feelings isn’t the way to go.
But also, going off on Chase wasn’t the right way to handle it either, pulling him aside and going “hey man, I planned this as a romantic date and would appreciate for me and Jackson to have some 1 on 1 time tonight” would’ve been the more mature response. (Although you guys are teens, so just for the future, I guess.)
NAH. might be worth trying some staying in + watching a movie + cooking dinner together type dates until he’s comfortable. definitely have a conversation just the two of you about it in person bc it seems like he has some internalized hang ups to work through.
NAH
Your boyfriend clearly isn’t in a good place for a relationship. It seems like you got angry at Chance when your bf was the problem, but you aren’t psychic so of course you would assume he’s just inviting himself if no one ever explained.
NTA you should talk to him about it. Is he embarrassed to be seen with YOU or has he always had social anxiety? Start planning dates inside at home then he won’t have a reason to join you guys. I get why you are very annoyed at this situation. Why date publicly if he too scared. Youre not a “test” to see how he would feel
Nta
Your boyfriend lied to you about this friend and he lied to you about wanting to date you
NTA you weren’t told the truth so you couldn’t know what was happening. Until Chance told you the truth I was wondering if Jackson hadn’t actually come out to Chance or if Chance had a crush was was trying to derail your relationship. Were you harsh? Yes, but you’d been polite and patient long enough and nothing got thru.
NTA. Jackson lied to you. Your reaction was a bit over the top, but aligned with the information you had been given. Unfortunately, it sounds like Jackson isn’t ready for a relationship.
You can try talking things over with him and figuring out if you’re willing to go as slow as he needs to, but you need (and deserve) a sincere apology for the lies that set you up for this messy situation.
YTA gently, because you are young and just learning how to handle dating and romantic relationships. Jackson must tell Chance about your dates in order for Chance to “invite himself “, so Jackson has always been the problem. When Chance kept showing up, you should have had a private conversation with Jackson to get to the bottom of the problem. “Jackson, you know I prefer 1 on 1 dates with you, so I don’t understand why you let Chance keep crashing our dates. He can’t join us unless you tell him about our plans. So what’s the real reason that you keep bringing him along? Are you uncomfortable being alone with me? Are you not out to your family yet, so you bring Chance so your parents think this is a friend hangout? Are you uncomfortable about physical intimacy like kissing and stuff, because we can talk and I will respect your limits.”
Your boyfriend has a boyfriend and it isn’t you.
You need to dump him because he’s in love with his best friend.