I (20 f) and my friend (20 f) have been best friends since we were in 2nd grade. We’ve always had some differing opinions when it comes to things but our love for each other went past that.
She tells me I have ‘choice feminism,’ which is a term she learned on TikTok (where a lot of her opinions stem from), and that I’m a pick-me-girl because most of my friends are guys. This has always been a sore spot in our friendship and made me never want to talk about my relationships, since I knew she wouldn’t approve.
This was mostly in high school because I didn’t start dating in college until now. I thought that since we were adults, she’d accept my new boyfriend, and so I talked to her about him.
After all the good things about him, I did complain about my boyfriend’s claims that the only reason I like him is because he’s a “high-class male” since that’s what “females” only go for.
She lost it on me and told me that I have an “incel bf” without taking anything else of his personality into consideration. I instantly snapped back and told her to “go to hell” and she left right then and there.
Telling her that may have been bad but I don’t think my best friend should be talking about boyfriend like that, especially when he has one bad take.
So, am I the asshole?
Okay but his “one bad take” is very incel sounding you have to admit…
She could have phrased it better but she’s not wrong that that is a pretty big red flag.
Info: i have a hard time believing this is his first time using that type of language. Is it maybe that your friend is looking out for you and seeing a pattern in him?
Maybe it is just one take, but anyone calling themselves a “high value male” is not worth pursuing and not in fact “high value” whatever that even means.
weird that he sounds like an incel
YTA, she’s right lol
YTA your friend is right.
The fact that you are defending him makes you a pick-me girl, not a girls-girl. Seems like you are gonna lose a lot of friends with your mentality.
YTA. She’s right. Incels say that shit. The longer the relationship the more incel shit he will reveal about himself. Maybe trust your friend on this instead of being blind?
YTA.
it kind of sounds like your friend may be correct. You’re dating somebody who told you that they only reason you like him is because he’s a high value male. And he uses “females” in a derogatory way.
Can’t make a judgment but
She’s not wrong about his language suggesting a very “incel-like” mindset-and if you saw fit to bring it up , I have to assume that he says this shit regularly.
Good men don’t refer to women as “females” except where clinical terminology is appropriate and no “high class” person ever refers to themselves that way.
Sounds like your friendship may have run its course but I think you’re wearing some rose colored glasses that are preventing you from seeing the red flags in your boyfriend- that’s more than “a bad take”.
soooo she’s right and you’re pissed about it?
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck…..well, you get the idea.
YTA – he sounds misogynistic. Sorry the truth hurts. You’re gonna lose your friends if you treat them poorly in order to defend a loser. She’s trying to help you out and you were nasty about it.
Listen- a good man does not refer to himself as “a high-class man” and all women as “females.” It’s red pill nonsense and if I were you I would be alert to what other red flags he has.
No judgment because not enough info, though leaning heavily towards ESH, especially the boyfriend.
> “high-class male” since that’s what “females” only go for.
Well she’s correct. Better you know now than later.
So yeah YTA for what you’re doing to yourself