I (M23) live with my mom (F55). In our building, concierges change all the time. The current one has been here for about 2 months and he’s rarely at the front desk. He’s always doing other stuff like watering plants or taking out the trash. My mom was annoyed by this from day one, but I didn’t care much, thinking everyone has their own way of working.
The problem is the guy started giving me a weird attitude for no reason. For context, I always open the door with my own keys. A few times, while he was busy chatting with a neighbor, he’d see me and suddenly rush over to open the door for me, but then he’d say stuff like "Yes, Captain!" or "At your service, boss!" in a super sarcastic way. It was very uncomfortable because I never asked him to do that or complained about him not being there. Whenever I’d say hello, he would reply with a resentful tone, as if he was holding a grudge or like I hadn’t even greeted him at all. His attitude was starting to make me feel uncomfortable.
Today, I finally decided to say something when I saw him. I said: "Hey, I’m glad to see you’re ‘more present’ now, I almost never saw you at the desk before."
He immediately got defensive. He told me he’s a "concierge," not a "doorman," and that neighbors should just use their keys because he has too many other tasks. I thought about telling him that every previous janitor managed to do those tasks without disappearing for hours, but I felt that was crossing a line, so I kept that to myself. I just told him we have different views on the job.
Then he started giving me a bunch of excuses and even told me some TMI details about his personal bathroom habits to explain why he’s away. Honestly, I just wanted to end the conversation, so I said: "Look, take my advice if you want, but you should try to manage your time better so you’re not away from the desk so much."
He got really mad and told me to go talk to the building manager then. I don’t want the guy to lose his job, and the manager is a reasonable guy, so I don’t believe he will do that either. I feel better after expressing this. AITA for giving him "unsolicited advice" after he spent weeks being passive-aggressive toward me?
What is this all about?
Was there a situation when you needed to find him in a emergency, but couldn’t? Has he inconvenienced you in some way to make you miss a delivery, an appointment? Has he forgotten to do something that you asked him?
Edited to add:
Regardless of your answers to the above, YTA. Unsolicited advice about a job you have no experience in, for no reason other than, erm, I’m not even sure, makes you a PITA.
YTA sounds like you and your mom are very much looking down your noses. You shouldn’t be giving unsolicited “advice”
YTA
So you and your mom are getting crunchy because the concierge is doing his job instead of playing doorman for you?
>I believe a concierge is supossed to be present at the front desk (open the door, basically)
except he’s not a doorman.
>you should try to manage your time better so you’re not away from the desk so much.
Dude. If he’s doing his actual job, you have no business telling him to ‘manage his time better.*’
>every previous janitor managed to do those tasks
So now you’ve gone from expecting him to be a doorman, to calling him a janitor.
YTA for a few reasons. First, instead of just addressing it at the time, you tossed out a passive aggressive comment as a delayed response to something he did in the past that you *perceived* as “a weird attitude.” For 8 hours a day he needs to be friendly – but not *overly* friendly – with a zillion residents that he sees for a minute af a time. Unless he’s plainly being rude, give the guy a break for not knowing your preferred tone.
Second, he’s correct. Doorman and concierge are two different roles. Full service buildings may have one or the other or both, but they are not interchangeable.
Third, comparing any of this to what a “prior janitor” did is irrelevant and dismissive.
YTA.
You know something that really annoys people? When someone gives them unwanted advice on how to do their job.
That happened to me once and in my head I said “if you know how to do my job better than me then please, be my guest and take it from here”.
He’s a concierge and you’re mad at him for not being a doorman.
You didn’t “set a boundary”; you told him how to do his job.
If you didn’t like the way he was talking to you, address *that.* If you honestly don’t know why he’s acting that way, you can say, “I’m sorry, have I done something to offend you? It seems like you’re angry with me.”
But based on the way you’re describing the situation, I do have to wonder if you did something that made him angry. You’re extremely critical of him and if you really have an issue with his job performance, acting rude and superior isn’t the way to handle it.
YTA
YTA because you’re being an asshole
YTA.
YTA
Easiest vote on this sub.
You really treated him like a condescending rich a**hole would treat “the help”.
Tell me, what is the job of a concierge? You acknowledge he’s not a doorman. In your experience, what IS his job?
I’m betting that he seemed salty to you from the beginning due to your condescending attitude toward him. You just don’t seem to be self-aware enough to have seen this.
And then refers to him as a janitor too! He’s definitely a condescending a**hole.