I work in a small office where most of us eat lunch together in the break room. I have been struggling financially and have starting throwing together a mishmosh of whatever I have in my pantry.
One of my coworkers Cassie saw it the other day and made a dramatic face and said it was “kind of embarrassing” that I was basically eating adult lunchables" at my big age. She asked if she needed to bring me over to give me a cooking lesson.
I know how to cook… I’m having a hard time fianncially. But whatever.
The next day she came in wearing a Taylor Swift hoodie and for the millionth time started talking about how she can’t wait until Taylor and Travis get married and start having beautiful babies. I am not a Taylor hater and definitely not one of the snark freaks that are obsessed with her. But it’s like Disney adults. it’s weird.
One of my other coworkers was like "Come on we all v know it’s a fake relationship, she did it to make the money she needed to buy back her music. If they get married it’ll last a year and she’ll divorce him" and Cassie called that person deranged. It like actually set her off.
So again I go to eat my lunch and I’m trying to hide it from her. But she makes yet another comment about my “fancy Lunchable.”
I said “If we’re talking about embarrassing, I think calling yourself a Swiftie in your 40s is more embarrassing than eating crackers and cheese.”
She shut the fuck up for once but got up and slammed her chain int othe table. She said liking music isn’t the same as eating kid food . I said that you’re right, eating is something everyone does. Making your whole identity about a fucking pop star in your 40s is not.
She stomped off and went running to tell everyone about it. my favorite covorker told me I did too much because now Cassie avoid the lunch room and has not spoken about her lord and savior Taylor for over a week. They want me to apologize to keep the peace. I want Cassie to apologize to me first. AITA?
NTA – she shouldn’t dish it if she can’t take it.
Tit for tat = ESH
ESH but you especially need to be REALLY careful making comments about someone’s age at work. Age is a protected class and the person can go to HR and complain about harassment or age discrimination, and her complaint would be seen as valid. Don’t remarks about anyone’s age, gender, sexuality, race, religion etc at work. Better yet just stop being crappy to your coworkers, but you’ll run into a lot more trouble when you make a comment about a protected class.
1. Cassie should already have learned at her big age not to make rude comments to people about food.
2. It is embarassing, actually, as a grown person to openly (at your professional job) indulge in a parasocial relationship with some person who will never know you exist and have deep uncontrollable emotions about the life choices that person has made to the extent that it controls your adult work behavior.
3. NTA, and I hope Cassie has learned to shut up abourt your lunch.
whats wrong with being a fan in her 40’s?
ESH
Good God, grow up. I still eat regular Lunchables from time to time. Cheese, crackers, a cookie, fruit punch… what’s not to love? If anyone ever asked we why I ate it, I would say “because it’s delicious.”
Sure, she’s annoying but it’s pretty sad that you’re hiding your lunch because a Mean Girl is going to make fun of you.
ESH.
She was wrong to mock your food. You were wrong to mock her choice of music.
Another person’s wrong may make us want to return tit for tat but there is a way to correct a person without resorting to their level of behaviour.
Obviously she does not know how to handle conflict and engaged in defensiveness and shaming. Therefore she probably won’t figure out how to resolve this. As you have a share in these wrongs, it is the mature thing to correct your wrong.
You have to navigate the office environment with her and your office staff. (These few days won’t hurt her to sulk for a bit though).
ESH. Based on the way you two insult each other, both of you are children.
I mean, ESH, but I’m on your side. You never know why people are making the food choices they’re making, you could be dealing with an eating disorder or new allergies or (as is the case) financial issues. Even without that there’s nothing wrong with “adult lunchables” but because food is so integral to everyone’s life it’s also very often a sensitive subject. Your comment is less offensive in my opinion.
On the other hand you really don’t need to do tit for tat here. She was rude, you were rude, now no problem has been solved. Ideally you should’ve said something earlier about how inappropriate her comment was either directly to her or to a higher-up/HR.
You both owe each other apologies but it’s true that you shouldn’t apologize if she’s not also going to understand and apologize for her part in the whole thing.
ESH. She is wrong for insulting your food but also you do realize Taylor Swift has been a popstar since the 2000s right? A large portion of her fans are pushing 30 and 40
ESH. Adults shouldn’t be saying “big age”. I don’t care who said it first – grow up
This sounds like a deeply exhausting workplace. She sounds like a lot. But you were engaging with her on her level which is very childish. You also shouldn’t take wide pot shots at popular pop stars because other people like them – maybe not to the level she does – and they will take offense at that. It’s entirely possible that part of the reason the people are not on your side is because they are also insulted by your dismissal of a popstar they like.
You could just easily have told her that you don’t care what she thinks of your food choices and to mind her own business. She might’ve flounced off then but you wouldn’t have created collateral damage.
ESH
ESH
Not one likeable character in this story. 0 stars.
ESH she made fun of your food in the workplace, HR would tell her to stop. You similarly insulted her for being a fan of a celebrity, HR would also say stop! You are in a professional workplace and not the playground: both of you need to act professional and respectful. Nobody wins, you’re just both acting like assholes. Are you here to make money or enemies while playing tit for tat?