I (18f) started at a new job in october. My coworker (27m) immediately started talking to me my first day there. I would talk to him in group settings but he would always try to get me to go with him to his car to breaks, etc. after about a week of me working there he started bringing me starbucks in the morning and even packing me lunch. after 3 weeks he had planned an entire date to go get dinner and ice cream, I had told him I did not want to go and I would only like to be friends at work and he said he understood. He kept bringing me lunch and buying me food but I just kept it friendly and professional and never went anywhere with him alone.
Flash forward to december and my battery had died at work. i had asked him to jump it, he had absolutely no idea what he was doing if im being honest, and on my way home it quite literally caught on fire and he gave me 400 DOLLARS THE NEXT DAY. I never said it was his fault or blamed him but like.. idk i tried to refuse the money and then afterwards told him i really do not want him to be giving me money or buying me things really at all because i feel like it’s something that can be held over my head he said it’s not like that and he does this for all of his friends. then on Christmas, he shows up to work with uggs and AirPods both very expensive things. He said that it was because he felt bad about the car and he was trying to make up for the things that I have lost, but I’ve never said that I lost UGGs or AirPods in the car because I’ve never even owned UGGs or AirPods, I don’t know. Then I explained to him again that I only wanted to be friends and that all of these gifts and everything was just too much for me and I just don’t like it and he said again that he understood and he was worried that I would think that, but he doesn’t want anything with anyone and then he’s been talking to other coworkers about the situation insane. He doesn’t understand why I brought it up because he knew that I just wanted to be friends and everything and he’s just making things awkward with other people that work and I just don’t know if I’m in the wrong. I still have the gifts, but I don’t know. AITA?
Give him the gifts back
Definitely NTA. He’s lovebombing and getting obsessive and that’s weird especially because you have to see him at work. Hopefully you(and other colleagues/bosses) can help establish boundaries , be on the look out, and kinda block him out from any 1 on 1 time
NTA – your coworker is overstepping some serious boundaries here. It’s called a workplace, not ‘the Price is Right’. You’ve told him to dial it down, now maybe HR needs to echo that sentiment. Keep it professional, folks!
NTA
Absolutely do not accept anything more expensive than a stick of gum from him. Return everything he has given you. And for heaven’s sake, if your car ever acts up, ask ANYONE but him for help. This guy is creeping on you. Don’t give him any encouragement.
NTA – You should be very worried about a man nearly 10 years older than you who will not take no for an answer. If he will cross some of your boundaries, he will probably escalate to other boundaries and become dangerous. You should report him to your boss for unwanted advances.
This! Not taking no for an answer predicts that he will get worse over time and is likely already a little obsessive. Those unwanted gestures often evolve into aggression and a possessive mentality.
NTA. This is extremely creepy, obsessive behavior that needs to stop. You need to report this to your company’s HR. Especially if he’s talking to other coworkers about it and dragging them into the issue. You also want to have it on record in case he escalates. This kind of behavior rarely stops, it only escalates.
NTA.
I think this is his way of trying to buy your affection. Flashy, expensive gifts. It’s not endearing; it’s desperate and kind of creepy.
This is really scary. It sounds like you have told him to stop multiple times and he’s still creeping on you.
This is a big safety concern. This behavior is concerning. I would start pulling other people in so you have witnesses and backup.
Like tell any women you work with who are friendly “does X do this to everyone, it’s making me uncomfortable”
I think you need to firmly and loudly decline going forward. Loud enough for others to hear.
I have talked to other people and it seems like this has been a problem with other people in the past. Including leads and managers which is interesting to me. I have been declining recent offers after the christmas gifts he had asked if i wanted starbucks and canes on 2 separate occasions and i declined both times. he’s backed off since then but has been switching his normal tasks to be closer to me even though we aren’t talking. my other coworkers are definitely tuned in on it though
You need to report him to HR immediately! He could turn things around later and you don’t want to jeopardize your job.
NTA – but you could be in trouble. Return the gifts (after photographing them. Save any texts or other evidence too.) Stop accepting things and food from him, he will take it as encouragement if you don’t stop.
Go to HR, or your boss, if he doesn’t stop. Consider just getting a new job if you think he’s close with the boss or important for the business
They *will* take his side if they feel like it, and you risk being fired even if you haven’t done anything wrong.
NTA and this is weird behavior, full stop. You set clear boundaries and he keeps pushing with gifts and money like it’s a romcom instead of a workplace. Age gap, power dynamic, coworkers being dragged into it, all red flags. Trust your gut and loop in a manager or HR if you can.
NTA
He’s a 27 year old man sexually harassing a high schooler at work. 🤮
You’ve already tried to politely set boundaries. That didn’t work. You can tell him he’s a creep and to leave you alone, or you can report him to management or Human Resources. I recommend both.