Had to reupload this.
So, around September my friend (We’ll call him John) started dating a girl (Who we’ll call Anna.) So, as some background, Anna was known for dating a bunch of boys around the school and getting really expensive items out of them, now of course everyone found this really odd, but most people disregarded it. Now this is where John comes in, John started getting close to people in Anna’s friend group and this led to a friendship between them (as it usually does.) Me, him and another friend who I’ll call Oden, were in a group call together playing GTA 5, when John starts talking about how Anna said she liked him, and I start talking about how that dating her was a terrible idea due to her history, yet Oden was saying he should go for it. John ended up listening to Oden and started dating her, immediately the relationship was rocky, with a ton of arguments between them and even a threat of a breakup. But besides that, John insisted he was fine. Then we get to October, me John, Oden, Anna, and some other friends were sitting at a lunch table when all of the sudden Anna starts asking John for multiple really expensive pieces of jewelry (Amythest neckless, bracelets, you name it.) And at first it seemed like John brushed it off, but literally the next day he was talking about buying a THREE HUNDRED DOLLAR NECKLESS, now take note we are all 16 so this is a massive purchase, me and Oden start telling him about how he shouldn’t do it as that money was important for him to save up, but eventually he caved in and bought it. But before he gave it to her there was talk she was actually bad mouthing John to her friends, talking about how much she wanted to break up with him AND that she was seeing a different guy behind his back (this ended up being true.) Of course this gets to John, and he gives her the neckless but also breaks up with her. Now we cut to last month, Anna broke it off with the other guy and tried to date one of me and Johns good buddies, but that didn’t end up working out for her. During this whole period Anna would turn around when John started to walk in her direction or was even just passing by, ignoring him completely and even trying to start rumors about him (don’t know why??) But in February Anna starts talking to John again, even walking in the halls with him, and of course they get back together, and she’s been emailing him about how "he’s the only one shes ever truly loved" and that kind of thing. But I got genuinely upset at this, because the first break up made him genuinely consider drinking alcohol (thank god he didn’t) And of course I didn’t want that to happen to him, so I start telling him how he’s just being manipulated and she just wants him to buy stuff for her, and that the same things are just going to happen. John didn’t like this at all and has been really distant towards me lately, and this is a friendship I really value so I want to know what I can do to repair it.
Had to reupload this because for some reason my account deleted it? I didn’t do that but whatever.
You’re not the asshole. you were looking out for him because you saw the same manipulative pattern repeating gifts, cheating, badmouthing, then sudden “true love” emails. That’s real friendship.
He got defensive because it felt like you were shitting on his choice
I was going to comment abt how amethyst necklaces are not expensive, but you’re 16 lol. Anywho, girl sounds like drama. You’re NTA for calling that out. You’re trying to be a good friend.. But from what I’ve seen, ppl will quickly cut friends off for a partner. You could lose him over it, but he’ll be back once he realizes the truth.
I’ve seen people been cut off people for things like this, really hope you are right about him coming at some point. As for the neckless pricing, we have a local jeweler that sells $300 amethyst necklaces lmao (insane pricing I know)
give him space, When Anna stops playing with him and he realizes it, I hope you’ll be there as his true friend.
NTA but this is going to be a hard lesson for the both of you. He’ll have to learn the signs of women using/manipulating him. You’re learning that giving unsolicited advice to your friends about their relationship is going to cause them to distance themselves from you. It’s better to casually ask questions about the situation rather than being direct. The first one causes them to think about the actions, the second one makes them feel like they have to defend the actions.
I think you’re a good friend for speaking up, but I can’t say I’m surprised he can’t see it (I couldn’t believe he still gave her the necklace, while knowing she’s seeing someone else and that he’s breaking up with her; was a refund not possible??).
I’m horrible at convincing people of basic facts, so I don’t know what you can do. Google / AI gave me a few suggestions that might be helpful:
1. Make it clear to him you value your friendship.
2. Focus on behaviors rather than labels, e.g. “I really disliked that she was seeing another guy behind your back and badmouthing you to her friends.” instead of describing her as dishonest or manipulative.
3. Ask him about his perspective with open-ended questions that encourage reflection, e.g. “Why did you give her that necklace when breaking up?”.
4. Don’t overwhelm him with too many points, or make every conversation about this. If he just wants to hang out as friend, let him do that. Let him know you’re still there as a friend.
Don’t use AI for advice with people, that’s gross. 😐
You would have been perfectly fine to say you didn’t know what to do on the front of convincing people of basic facts and left it to someone who does have experience and doesn’t need something to pull words out of thin air that may or may not actually be good advice.
Hahaha to be a kid again with such shitty little problems.
I’ve been on your friend’s side of this situation, but in a much more adult context. Im still in the process of potentially mending my relationship with my friend that I chose a girl over. With that in mind, your friend will eventually want to come back. I hope he doesn’t do what I did, and continually justify in his head why the girl was more important than his close friend. I deeply regret doing that. I chose her for so long that I dont even know if I will be able to get my friend back. I very much want him back in my life, but I dont know if we can mend it. All I can offer for advice is this. Be as willing as feels right for you, to let him come back when he does finally have enough of how this girl treats him. He WILL get fed up with her eventually if her treatment of him is as you’ve described. He will want to come back to his friends. I know I sure do.
You are a good friend for being honest with him. I genuinely wish you and him all the best. Good luck.
Hey man, thank you for this as it gave me a little bit of hope everything’s gonna be fine in the end. I seriously hope you and your friend are able to reconnect wishing you the best man.
Thank you, I hope for that as well. Also, you’re definitely NTA, though your friend might not view it that way right now. I am confident that eventually, he will have enough of her antics. I just hope he isn’t as stubborn as I am.
NTA. You are explaining to him what she is doing and how she is using him but he refuses to listen. In my opinion he is the AH for not listening to someone he has known a lot longer than Anna and is choosing a girl over his best friend. So no you are definitely not the AH and he needs to start listening to you about what she is doing