I’m 29M. One of my closest friends (30M, I’ll call him Eric) and I do a lot together (concerts, weekend trips, dinners, random errands). For years we’ve had an easy system: one of us pays the other sends their half.
In the last 6 or 7 months, something shifted, its small enough that I kept telling myself I was being petty but its started to feel like a pattern.
For example dinner is $86 and he venmos me 40 and says "close enough". Tickets are $148 total, I buy them and he sends 70. Then uber is $34, he says "I got the next one" then the next one is $18 and he acts like it evens out.
If it was once I woudnt care but its basically every time and when he pays first hes weirdly exact like if I owe him him $22.60 he’ll request $22.60 not $22. So I started paying attention. Over the last few months its probably $150-$200 total I mean its not much but enough that it doesnt feel like an accident anymore.
Last weekend we went to a show. Parking, drinks, snacks all the little stuff added up. I paid for the most of it because Eric kept saying his phone was dying or his card was "acting weird". The next morning he sent me one payment and it was short by about $35. I told him "hey I think you’re missing $35" and he replied "dude come on you’re counting pennies now?" That bothered me because Im not the one doing the rounding so I told him Im not doing the casual "we"ll split it later" thing anymore. If we go out we either split at the time or we do separate checks or we alternate whole outings. I said Im not comfortable fronting money and then having it turn into an argument I ask to be reimbursed accurately. He got offended and said Im treating him like a stranger, that friends dont nickel-and-dime each other and that I make more than he does so it shoudnt matter. He also brought up times years ago when he covered stuff for me which is true but back then it felt balanced and nobody was keeping score.
Now I’m wondering if I escalated something small into something bigger. On the other hand I also feel like if I dont draw a line this will just keep happening.
AITA for changing the rules and refusing to split costs the old way?
Nta he knows what he is doing
NTA. Your friend is a moocher. You called him out and set a boundary. You might lose him as a friend for that. I’d call that a net positive.
>You might lose him as a friend
Friends don’t mooch, leeches do.
A friend that is struggling financially and needs help covering costs *will own up and tell you*. Have an actual conversation, like friends are supposed to.
A leech will act like its no big deal when they short you, it’s the end of the world if you short them, and that *you’re the one being cheap and a bad friend* when you try to talk about it.
OP doesn’t have a friend, they have a leech.
NTA; $35 is not pennies.
Well it kinda is. 3,500 pennies, to be exact.
This is the pettiness I was looking for.
My 7 year old daughter has started correcting me for saying it’s 9am or whatever when it’s 8:55AM and it annoys me so much, I can’t wait to throw this one out there one day.
I’ll throw this in the face of anyone who wakes me up 5 minutes before my alarm is set to go off
NTA
You’re not nickel and diming him. He’s straight-up stealing from you and is pissed that you called him out on it. He’s a scummy friend and I wouldn’t split costs with him either.
NTA
This is the key when he said ” that I make more than he does so it shoudnt matter”
He thinks he is justified in paying less because you earn more. The thing is you never discussed that with him, and it is not justified at all.
Just stop paying for him, he had the chance for this to work out but he ruined it.
If he gets angry just calmly reply that if things were fair before, then paying half each will be just as fair and why is he getting so angry.
If he throws the *friends don’t X* at you, just keep saying Friends do not consistently short change their friends. friends do not always underpay, and friends do not assume they can pay less without a discussion before hand. If he continues arguing you have your answer and I would stop seeing him, he sounds exhausting.
Precisely. He thinks it’s justified because of what you earn.
It’s interesting how it’s not nickel and diming when he asks for exact amounts, only when you do it. And that’s because he’s decided you’re wealthy enough to afford it. NTA
NTA ” Eric I have just been quietly realising that recently you’ve been shorting me between $10-35 each time we’re supposed to be reimbursing me and it’s been adding up pretty quickly that I am being shorted by a good 150 or more bucks each month. You may have not been realising but I’d appreciate going forward that if we’re splitting things that you actually pay me back half and not less than that. Thanks for understanding”
Be very specific – tell him that he is the one nickel and diming – use real examples, and tell him that since you have over paid by almost $200, you’re not doing this anymore.
Tell him that is he were honest about splitting costs, you would leave things alone, but that since he feels like the split is a chance to milk you to subsidize his fun, you’re not playing anymore.
This could end the friendship. Think about whether or not the friendship is worth it, since he sees you as a cash cow.
ETA – NTA
~~He got offended and said Im treating him like a stranger, that friends dont nickel-and-dime each other~~ and that I make more than he does so it shoudnt matter.
Someone told me to listen to the 3rd thing people bring up during an argument because that is where their truth lives. I have found this to be true more often than not.
For him, your money is his money. Now you need to decide what to do with that information.
NTA