Hi,
I’m (17f), and my friend is (16f). We bonded over a love of creative writing back in middle school. I’m a grade ahead of her, but we go to the same school. Our school doesn’t have APs. Each department does their own things and for English, you can either double up on classes or you can do a special program that requires you to double up on classes and complete analytical long research paper and create a oral defense around the paper about a literary subject of your choosing. Currently, I am in the program. My friend is not eligible yet. To get into the program, you need a teacher approval. Last year, when I was applying, I had my friend’s current english teacher and received my approval from him. Today, my friend was complaining to me that the teacher may not recommend her because he thinks she has poor time management skills, and the paper/defense is an extended project. He’s right, and my friend has admitted to this. She has diagnosed herself with ADHD, and she says that she can procrastinate often. She seemed a bit down, which is fine, and completely normal. However, she has a tendency to spiral and then unload on me. I’m dealing with unrelated stuff right now, and already feel overwhelmed as is. Seeing another spiral coming, I said, that maybe it’s for the best, as she doesn’t like analysis. (She loves creative writing, but does not like analysis; she finds it boring.) I told that there are plenty of creative writing classes she can double up on to demonstrate interest in english without having to do a research paper. I admitted that the program is difficult, and I myself am behind and I am someone who really loves analysis. She got defensive and cold, stating that she wanted to be in the program. I didn’t push her. Now, I feel bad. AITA?
Thanks.
YTA kinda
She was worried about not getting in and you go maybe it’s for the best
That not great
First and foremost ask her to listen to this [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MftogR8lt\_g&t=22033s](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MftogR8lt_g&t=22033s) and see if it helps. Then encourage her to get a proper diagnosis it helps enormously, do not wait for the menopause until you get help its ridiculous and leaves you isolated and suicidal. There are also some very good facebook support groups where you can get detailed professional advice and fun hints and tips, who knew we all like spoons with long handles! It is fine to say you are struggling right now, it might take her a circle or two to take that in but it is fine. I am surprised her writing is good but not her analysis. We tend to write long rambling sentences that only a sis would follow, but we are good at analysis as that is pattern recognition. Remember whatever adults say to you, the decisions you make now do not effect your whole adult life. Suggest she tries some other courses, I enjoyed drama and ended up training as a performer, I also have a LD nursing qualification. I have become a specialist researcher in using physical theater as a form of communication for non verbal ND. It is a pretty specialist field, I work mainly in prisons and it makes me extremely happy
There are times when the best thing to say is…*nothing*.
This was one of those times.
YTA.
Being a teenager is tough. Your friend is anxious. You tried your best; what you said wasn’t what she wanted to hear come out of your mouth. Sure you could have been more helpful/supportive but you aren’t a trained therapist. I don’t think either of you are assholes. Your friend should talk with her teacher to learn what she needs to do if she wants to get the recommendation. NAH.
If your friend’s skin is that thin, she has no future as a writer. NTA.
YTA. Let the teachers handle this. Nobody asked for your opinion.
NTA – whether or not she does or does not do the work is on her. Your only job as a friend is to support her through dealing with bad news she won’t make it. “It’s for the best” is trite and glib. A better response is, I’m sorry you won’t get the class you want, keep trying and don’t give up!”
NAH it sounds like you handled it the best you could. She also has a right to be disappointed. You are both teenagers and emotions are going to be messy and spill out all over the place. But we all have to learn to deal with rejection and watching others have what we want.