i recently had my college marching band senior night, which was a big deal for me as band has been such a huge part of my life for years and now that chapter was coming to a close. i wanted to have my friends there for support, which i don’t feel is unreasonable as a friend who had her marching band senior night (we’ll call her A) asked for friends to be there as well. everyone happily went to A’s senior night, so i thought the energy was gonna be reciprocated. i have been talking about it since september, and i let my friends know the date and time that far in advance, as the event was the beginning of november. one friend, we’ll call her B, told me to my face she’d be there and put it in her calendar. fast forward to the week of, the monday before my senior night (senior night was on a saturday), i see B and ask if she’s still coming on saturday. she tells me no, because she doesn’t know what her and her girlfriend are doing. the girlfriend was also invited to my senior night cause i considered us friends/acquaintances and she was at A’s last year. this obviously hurt me cause we’ve been great friends for a few years and were roommates for 2 of them, and i didn’t understand why she’d backtrack on plans she made months ago. senior night rolls around, B isn’t there, and she turned her location off, which she never does so i thought it was strange (and so did my other friends). i’m still hurt by their actions so i ask C and another friend D for advice, they both agreed that i should text B how i feel. i sent a very respectful text saying that i was hurt by her actions and was confused on why she switched up when she committed to being there months ago. i get a text back the next day saying that i’m selfish, the world doesn’t revolve around me, i’m manipulative, always play the victim, and that i’m a piece of shit. this is so out of the blue so i ask for clarification, and she doesn’t give me any examples or situations where i was any of those things and just reiterates the same points. i then cry to C and D about it because i’m just so hurt and confused, and another friend E tells me i shouldn’t have said anything and just let it go. on the other hand, i always get told by all my friends that i need to speak up more when something hurts me so i finally did. AITA for communicating my feelings?
NTA
Sorry that you’re getting this lesson, but this is how it is a lot of the time… if you’re the last friend to go through some life event (senior night, engagement, marriage, kids, etc) no matter how often you showed up for your friends, they often won’t show up for you bc they’ve moved on.
This is especially true for weddings/kids. When you’re single, you have the time to support your friends, but they get busy with the spouse and kids so when it’s “your turn,” they’re full of excuses.
I’m sorry you’re seeing this in action.
You’re not TA because you did a mature thing and communicated to who you thought were friends… and instead of responding in a mature way, they resorted to calling you names and making it your fault.
These people were never your friends.
it hurts because everyone i’m still friends with (C, D, and E) is still friends with B so i have to hear about her in convos constantly, despite C and D knowing how dirty she did me. E wouldn’t let me tell her anything so i respected that
Yeah, it stinks. I’m sorry that you’re going through that.
So you’re NTA as far as I can tell however B is no longer your friend if she ever really was and that’s ok. I know you envisioned your party similar to how A’s was but you are you not A. You have different relationships with different people. It’s your senior year of college and I know this is your whole life right now but you’re going to graduate and likely get a job and move in like 6 months. Unless you and B are conjoined twins it’s not likely she’ll be on that journey with you. Let her drift out of your life the next six months will be less stressful and she won’t have the same power to hurt you that she does now.