Hey, I have lived with my father since I was 6, when he and my mother got divorced. My mother has schizophrenia, and their marriage ended partially due to that, along with the nature of my father’s need for control, no matter what it takes. As I grew older and began to gain consciousness, I noticed that despite his love for me, I was no exception to this circumstance. Nor was my mother, who, along with my brother, revealed to me a big reason she began to truly develop her schizophrenia was due to my father working with her therapist whom he had a close relationship with to tamper with the mood regulators she was taking at the time. He would only give her a little at a time, give her too much or none for a day, and consistently change that so that she would be unbalanced, and it eventually triggered psychosis/ unmasked an underlying condition she might’ve had. Today, my mother struggles deeply with her illness, which has held her back plenty in life, and our relationship has been affected greatly, along with me. He has always protected and taken care of me, and I love him; he is my father. But I am 22 now, and I try to have a relationship with him, but it is unbearable to know what he has done and have him constantly play the victim in every situation. He never takes accountability for anything and lies instead of confronting things, yet accuses me of being a mean person if I am caught in even one lie. I live in his house, I don’t have to pay rent, and he has given me everything I could ever want and protected me from situations that could’ve ended very badly, and he has always been present. He’s never been absent apart from emotionally, and I know he is very mentally ill; that is clear. He’s lost pretty much everyone in his life due to his actions, and I feel so guilty not wanting to be around him, even though it is his fault he’s at this point. Am I the asshole for avoiding him as much as possible and holding a grudge despite all the privilege he’s given me in my life?