So I loaned a bar friend $75 like 6 months ago and every time I see them (we frequent the same bar often) I politely ask them for the rest of the money (they paid me $25 back a few months ago).
So the other night I was a little tipsy (well maybe more than a little) and I pointed out to them that I overheard her tell someone she was wearing some $250 new sneakers she had just bought, so where is my money?
They got really mad at me and said that wasn’t any of my business and told me they would get the money to me when they could.
A friend told me they thought I was super in the wrong because *thinking* about the shoes and how messed up it was that she bought them but hasn’t paid me back is one thing but actually flat out telling them you know about their new shoes as a point regarding why haven’t I been paid yet is wrong.
My friend said that’s what a parent says to a child, not how you speak to another grown human being (and they pointed out they could have been gifted the shoes even though I heard her tell someone she bought them herself).
NTA they made it your business when they borrowed money from you and didn’t pay you back.
NTA. I would not call this person a friend. Don’t lend them or anyone in your social circle money again.
NTA if they were out there bragging about buying expensive shoes when they owe people money then they deserve to get called out
NTA after six months they should have paid you back by now. You have every right to be upset and the comment about the dress and then saying they will pay you back when there ready is unreasonable. They should have given you ALL of the money back before buying something else.
This is old school advice but still very valid in today’s world. Never lend money unless you’re okay with not getting paid back. Consider it a gift and move on.
This right here, especially when the person you’re loaning money to is a ‘bar friend’.
It’s always interesting that it’s the people who have the ball in their court (i.e. they committed to paying you back and still owe you) have endless “rules” about how other people should and should not behave.
They asked you for money and you did your part. You didn’t lecture them on the tone they used to ask, the time of day they chose to ask, the words they used to ask. You just did what they asked.
Now that it’s their turn they are easily offended if you basically do anything other than say nothing about it. I would keep the focus on their commitment to pay you back and their need to do so. The longer this drags on the less I’d worry about their “rules”.
NTA. You have now learned a valuable lesson about not lending money to friends and family.
Lesson is don’t lend money
NTA. It’s never wrong to call out bums who owe you $$$
ESH. I learned long ago to never lend anything I wouldn’t feel comfortable with giving as a gift.
I really don’t like using the word gaslighting but that’s what your friends doing. I’m 54 year-old female and I’ve learned I don’t loan anyone money I give it to them. If they pay me back then I’m happy! However, I really honestly know if I’m gonna give someone money they’re not gonna pay me back.Don’t give your money. They’re not gonna like you anyway after you give the money and you want it back so you might as well just lose a friend before you give them the money.
NTA.
It’s your money, and you are allowed to keep asking for it until you get it back.
However, you made a few unwise choices along the way. These choices don’t make you the asshole, but if you can learn from this experience, you might find life goes a lot more smoothly in future:
1. Don’t lend money. Not even to friends.
2. If you MUST lend money because it’s an emergency, then it had better be a genuine emergency. Having their wallet stolen with their cards and cab fare in it, leaving them with no safe way of getting home unless you lend them some money, is a genuine emergency. Having their electricity bill due tomorrow when payday is not until next week is NOT an emergency. It’s a predicament they got themselves into because of their failure to plan.
3. If you do lend them money because of this genuine emergency, make it very clear you expect to be paid back ASAP. Ideally tomorrow. If they can’t pay you back within a day or two, they don’t have the money and were never going to have the money, which means lending it to them in the first place was unwise. You said they “*told me they would get the money to me when they could*”. “When they could” is not a payment plan.
4. Don’t comment on their spending habits. Your friend’s shoe purchase is not your business (and if THAT’S what she meant when she said “None of your business, OP!”, she has a point). The reason you are allowed to ask for your money back is **simply because it’s your money**, not because she’s exhibiting profligate spending. Put it this way: suppose she was NOT showing off a brand new pair of shoes. Would that mean you would NOT be allowed to ask for your money back, because maybe she couldn’t afford it? It would not mean that. It’s your money. She needs to pay it back. Go ahead and ask for it, but stay in your lane.
5. Never lend money that you’re not prepared to kiss goodbye, because there’s every chance they won’t pay it back.
6. Be prepared for the friendship to end if they don’t pay it back. Or even if they do. The borrower having to ask for the loan in the first place, and then the lender having to ask for it to be repaid, can drive an awkward wedge between friends. Sometimes the friendship just can’t survive that.
NTA. If they can buy $250 sneakers they can pay you back the remaining $50. Your friend is TA. They should have paid you back as soon as they had the extra $$$. The friend who thinks it’s ok can play the banker next time!