To begin with I’d like to explain that I (18f) am the type of person to only do what I want. If someone asks me to play a game or do smth im not interested in, I say no. I’ve had this issue a lot, but im using my most recent issue for this post.
My best friend (17f) is always wanting to play games that I either don’t like in general or aren’t in the mood for at that moment. There’s been a few times we’ve had arguments because she has complained that I never play what she wants and only what I want. First off, when I play what I want, its not usually multiplayer stuff so she’s not forced to constantly play what I want, its mostly we js talk. I’ve explained to her that I dont like the games and she’s told me that even when she doesn’t like a game her friend wants to play she’ll play it anyways to make them happy even if its boring. And I’ve explained that im not like that and when I dont want to play something I say no, I dont force myself to play things I dont want to. The issue with that is we dont like any of the same games, so we’re almost NEVER playing together because of this. Now im questioning if she’s right and I should be forcing myself to play things I dont like to make her happy and hangout with her or if I should only play what makes ME happy and not force myself to do smth I dont like. Am I a bad friend for this? Should I force myself to play things i dont like for her like she does w me? Or should I only do what makes me happy?
EDIT: I dont know if im actually the asshole or if i didnt explain it clearly, but i dont hangout with ANYONE. I dont only wanna play what I wanna play, we dont play stuff together. Its more so I either only play single player games or js dont play anything at all, which most of the time I js dont play anything at all. I posted this on call with said friend and she agreed about the compromise and we talked it out and I said I’d play anything she wants rn because I feel bad and I want to be a good friend and ill try to play more of things im not interested in. I didnt expect so many ppl to be brutally honest and it lowkey hurt but it helped me realize that im in the wrong. Ik I should do what makes me happy but I should do what makes others happy too even if it doesnt make me happy so I can spend time with you.
SECOND EDIT: Before I started playing less games we played games all the time together and that’s how I met her, its js the past few months I’ve barely been into any games recently and have been mostly playing games such as RDR2 or js sleeping or js sitting there. I lowkey didnt think to mention that until she started laughing because I didnt😭
We have a rlly close and understanding relationship so after this we talked it out and now we’re js laughing a little too much at these comments and how so many ppl are taking so much out of it. Thank you to the ppl saying im the asshole but being nice and not talking about how my life is gonna be lonely.
Relationships of any kind are all about compromise, if you’re unwilling to compromise while willfully accepting other people’s compromises for you? You’re going to find your circle getting smaller and being tolerated instead of accepted.
Take Sheldon cooper for example, everybody around him love him – but can’t be around him for too long and they tolerate him for the most part, and it’s because he’s too rigid and selfish to compromise.
YTA. You sound incredibly selfish and self-centred. Soon you will have no friends so this shouldn’t be an issue in the future.
YTA
But don’t worry, they’ll get the message eventually. Then they’ll stop bothering you with requests to spend time with them doing shared activities. You’ll have plenty of time to only do things you want to do with nobody to bother you.
Yup. YTA.
You want to hang out with your friend and for you to be happy, but don’t care if they are happy. I am not saying that you need to play the games they enjoy all of the time, but you can play once in awhile.
YTA. From what you’ve said, she’s playing games you like to spend time with you and you’re not reciprocating at all. That’s unbalanced. A friendship isn’t ‘we do what I want and only what I want all of the time’. You don’t necessarily have to game but you need to figure out something you’d both like to do or reciprocate so you can hang out. I have played so much Minecraft when I don’t like Minecraft.
You sound incredibly selfish. YTA. Don’t have children.
I mean… You can choose to only do what makes you happy, but don’t be surprised when she stops wanting to be your friend.
I feel like some compromise is possible here.
Yeah I guess you’re allowed to say no but.. if you actually want to keep any friends, I suggest doing stuff they’re interested in as well. Otherwise people will only see you as self absorbed and no one wants a friend like that.
Sharing (in this case, interests) is important but I’m sure you learnt that at least a decade ago…
My sister is like this. We dont see her any more. Only ever doing stuff you want isnt just a boundary. Your friend should probably stop bothering you.
You are allowed to do your own seperate things when hanging out with people, but you’ll also have people who want to hang out and do things actively with other people. Sounds like you and your friend are on the opposite sides of what you expect in a hang out. If you value the friendship and hanging out with her, you’ll need to bend the knee to do what she wants, just as much as she has been respecting you doing what you want. It’s give and take.
YTA. Friendships aren’t about only doing what you want to do.
Relationships of any kind are all about compromise. You can refuse to do things you don’t want, but I don’t think you’ll keep many meaningful relationships this way. Sometimes you have to make small sacrifices to keep the people in your life happy, like showing an interest in the things they like. Playing a game you don’t like every once in a while wouldn’t cause you any harm, and would mean a lot to your friend.
YTA your friend doesn’t want to sit and watch you play one-player games, and I don’t blame her. Make an effort to branch out and try new things – you might find that you like some of them, or can at least tolerate them enough to make your friend feel valued.
If you don’t want to play games you don’t like, and they only play games you don’t like, why are you centering hanging out around gaming? Go do something you both like to do or compromise. Part of being in relationships is making sure that, at least most of the time, the other person is having fun when you’re together. Compromise or do something else, but you’re currently being a bad friend by completely not considering their feelings.