I (23f) am in a 3 year relationship with my boyfriend (24m), recently we had more issues than we have before. The main issue being that i caught him going on onlyfans. I talked to my friends and got advice from them and they told me to encourage him. I didn’t take the advice and we worked through it together.
Fast forward 2 months my friends call me wanting to have a serious talk with me. I was in the car with my boyfriend so i called them when i got home. During the call my friends told me that it’s time i break it off with my boyfriend. I told them that it was not going to happen because we worked through our issues. They were telling me that i have to do it or they will do it. I went silent and after a while ended the call.
Their words were eating at me and my boyfriend noticed i was not myself. He asked me what was wrong and i made an excuse that i hadn’t been feeling well (I am 2 month pregnant so it worked well) That night i fell asleep and when i woke up the next morning, i was just angry at the situation. i talked to my cousin about what was told to me and she said i need to put my foot down and tell them the 2 month window they gave me to leave my boyfriend was stupid. I talked to my friends and told them that it is my life and my relationship so they need to respect my decision in staying with my boyfriend, and if they try to break up with him for me as they claimed they are going to do, that i will stop contact because I am an adult and can make my own decisions.
A few of my friends have called me and told me that i was too harsh and being an a-hole but i would never threatened to break up with their boyfriends. Am i in the wrong? i need genuine responses because im now feeling like i owe them an apology.
And yes my friends know im pregnant, and no serious issues have happened since the onlyfans situation. I know not everyone will agree on that either but being pregnant and seeing that hurt me.
edit: i should probably add a bit more. I didn’t add all the issues we’ve had because that was just one issue we had and the one that happened AFTER we found out that i’m expecting. 1. my friends don’t know my boyfriend on a personal level, when we hang out they purposefully ignore him. My friends are real close with my ex whom they wanted me to stay with although he was much worse than my boyfriend. My ex and I are no contact.
Another issue aside from OF was that he lied to me on multiple occasions when he and his friends would go out that there were no girls, until his friend posted and there were many different girls including his ex (which i really had no issue if there were girls aside from his ex, if he would have just told me) And the last issue i’m gonna add is that he constantly was getting drunk using my car which i had told him there would be no drinking in my car especially since every year he’s been in accidents and i don’t have the kind of money to get my car fixed and still pay all my bills.
As for the OF, me and him made an agreement when we got together that there would be none of that, when we moved in together we still agreed there would be no OF or p\*rn.
I’ve known my boyfriend for a little more than 6 years and my friends for about 4 years. So yes I’ve known my boyfriend longer and they didn’t meet him until after we made our relationship official.
Nta but don’t be surprised when they’re no longer friends
NTA. Your friends are being manipulative and even if they are correct, that your boyfriend is awful and you should break up, an ultimatum is the wrong way to go about it.
Cut these people off, let your boyfriend know in case they try something like telling him you were cheating or something.
How would your friend break up with your boyfriend ? Why do they think you should?
Did you ask them WHY you need to break up with him? Do they know something you don’t?
If they have no information to share, then NTA.
This makes absolutely no sense. They can’t break up with your partner on your behalf, that’s a ridiculous notion.
The only thing that they could mean is, they know something that would make you break up with him, and their threat is that they will tell you that thing if you don’t just do it based on their word alone.
Talk to your partner, tell them what’s going on.
I feel like more information is needed. What were the other issues.
When it comes to OF it depends on the boundaries you have established in your relationship. Clearly it has crossed a boundary for you, but it is forgivable in your eyes… (?) (Since you are back together AND pregnant(
Your friends are most likely looking out for you if you have multiple issues in your relationship.
I once heard something along the lines of would you be happy if your kid would end up with someone like your S/O? If the answer is no, you should be able to understand where your friends are coming from.
I wish you the best, you have some very difficult and challenging times to come.
Try not to push everyone away.
NTA, but he must be pretty awful if they feel so strongly . You just casually threw in being two months pregnant but surely this is a serious issue, whether you are staying with him or leaving.
At the risk of being yet another person interfering, l think you and he need to have a serious talk about the future .
NTA – one what spouses agree upon in their relationship is between them. If friends don’t agree butt out. Only exception is if safety/legal are at risk (such as trafficking or theft). Not sure the proportion of men that watch p*rn but I think it is a lot. Your friends are kinda AHs for pushing to break up a couple with a baby on the way.
To dump your baby daddy over that is … bad and a significant cost to your future child’s wellbeing and support.
If you are okay/not okay with your boyfriend watching p*rn that is up to you two not your friends.
I would hope my spouse is not wasting money on OF with a baby on the way. I don’t understand the hang up around p*rn but some people feel like it is cheating in some way.
Nta. But if Only fans is the biggest issue yall have had that you picked issues over. Might have other concern than a grown man indulging in something simple like p0rn. But everyone’s different I guess. Friends are definitely weird. Never heard craziness like this. Tell them respect boundaries or get lost. Unless they know something we don’t.
So your gonna have a baby with a man who cheats and your “friends” are crap. You need to get your shit together and make better choices.
This post makes no sense.
This comment makes sense.
Yes, you are! For staying with him after finding he has of, and getting pregnant 🙄. Your friends are nuts, but they know something that you don’t know or you don’t want to share here.
>They were telling me that i have to do it or they will do it.
WTAF? NTA.
Even if they have reason to think you’re being abused or there is some other very serious reason to intervene in your relationship, this is not the way to go about it.