Ok, so me and my MOH have been best friends from 7-30. We’d never had an argument and I thought the whole experience wouldn’t be complete without her. One of my bridesmaids moved a few hours away from where we live now making it difficult to plan when everyone is free to try on dresses.
End of 2025 we all agree on a date that we were all free, then two days before we were due to go she said she didn’t realise we’d set that in stone and thought she had plans (turns out it was a nail appointment) when I got a upset she was confused and said she didn’t get why I was being so difficult and not understanding of HER situation as she paid a deposit for her appointment. She ended up coming but was to herself.
Next, hen do. Originally I said to stay local to keep costs down but asked the chat about maybe going abroad if I could keep the cost in our budget. She offered to plan it last year but when I asked her when she was planning it for so I could book leave she said she was busy and it wasn’t her priority right now. I still wanted her involved so I sent her my ideas but everything I suggested she had a problem with/something negative to say. In the end (after a lot of me crying) I did everything and sent invites.
Everyone said yes but she didn’t reply for a few days. I messaged to see if she was ok and she instantly called me saying she wasn’t going to be the same energy so she’d sit the activities out (meaning everyone else would have to pay more because the total price was split) and how everyone had said to stay local and she wanted to go abroad so now she’s a bit bummed but she also doesn’t have any money for a big trip?
To top it all off she just booked a holiday to Cancun and posted about it on her story. Now I’m not one to comment on people financial situations ever. I fully understand we all have different incomes and outgoings, but she literally sat with me and laid out all her financial stuff with me last year when I bought my house and so I know what she’s saying isn’t 100% true.
Honestly I just feel like my other bridesmaids are taking on her role and hyping me up, planning surprises for me, helping me plan things and she’s just crapping on everything.
I don’t know if it’s because her and her boyfriend have been together way longer than myself and my fiancé and she had the house before me so we were even on adult checklist but now our wedding is around the corner, we’ve got a house, we’re set on having kids and they’re not on the same page with that plus there’s no ring in sight (her words not mine) maybe she’s feelings put out that it’s not going the same for her?
But we’ve been like sisters our whole lives so I’d hope she’d talk to me about her feelings if that were true. And I just feel like this once in a life time feeling and experience of being a bride is being tarnished by her moods and constant negativity so I don’t really know what to do. I don’t want to remember this experience like this?
Weddings tend to bring out the best or worst in people. Could it be your friendship has been as argument free because you’ve been a people pleaser and allowed her to do what she wants. This is your special day and she is now having to do what you want yet wants to still make the decisions. You deserve a day/experience that’s all about you. Don’t let her take this away from you.
She doesn’t seem like she’s being a very good friend and she doesn’t seem excited for you. The most you can do right now is sit down with her and have a honest heart to heart and tell her how you’re feeling and give her a specific example examples of certain behaviors and actions that have caused you to feel hurt, and ask her why she has been doing that and how she’s feeling.
First, I would decide if you want to preserve the friendship. If you do, I would then sit her down and talk directly to her about everything you just explained to us, *but without speculating about her relationship / motivations*. Just tell her how you’re feeling and ask her what’s going on. NTA
INFO:
What did the chat say about the idea of an OS trip? How many bridesmaids are there? Where’s the trip (how far from you, how long)?
Cause one reading of this is that she piked out on plans. Another reading of this is that you booked an expensive OS trip for a hen’s night and just assumed everyone would be okay with that.
Honestly, she sounds jealous. She isn’t taking part in your celebrations and is negative about everything you are excited about. The fact that she wanted you to change your appointment because she had plans to get her nails done screams narcissistic and main character energy. She appears to want you to ask her opinion on everything, work around her schedule, beg for her attention and apologize for what she believes are perceived slights. I bet if you don’t contact her, you won’t hear from her.
Time to take a step back, review interactions you had with her in the past and decide if you actually want her in you wedding or did you ask her mostly because she has been in your life so long. Sadly, it might be time to stop calling and texting her and let her drift out of your life.
I was sort of thinking the same thing but like after the wedding but I don’t know
> we’ve been like sisters our whole lives
Might aswell burn it down.
She has displeased you.
NTA.
What most people don’t realise till it’s too late, is that you really don’t know a person if you only know them in the good times. You don’t know a person till you need them. That’s when you find out who they are. OP has found out who the person she thought was her best friend, really is. Get a new MOH.
NTA You have to do what is best for you and your wedding. If she is dropping the ball, you need to tell her and if she is unable or unwilling to get with the picture then you have to find someone who will. You can sit her down and explain your reasoning but this may likely be the end of the friendship at least for awhile. I doubt she will go to the wedding if you ask her to step down, unless you can do it in a way no one else knows she’s no longer the MOH, which is probably impossible.
YWNBTA, she does not are about your wedding or your feelings but hers. I am glad that your other bridesmaids are doing things and helping you. You should just tell her she isn’t playing her role in being MOH so she isn’t going to be it
GIRL!! Go back and read what you wrote! This girl is not a good friend and you aren’t on her priority list. I have a feeling you didn’t argue cause you are too kind and just let treat you terribly. Go find a MOH is a true friend and treats you with respect!! Life is too short for fake friends.
Eh, maybe. You’ve mentioned that this feels out of character for her, so I would hesitate to just pull her out of your wedding party without knowing more details. Have a converstation. Tell her how you feel. Find out what’s going on. That may or may not help, but at least try to get the ship moving in the right direction.
That said, if the conversation is unproductive and doesn’t leave you feeling very hopeful that she’ll be able to bring the right energy to your day, it may be time to make that difficult call – hell, she might actually agree that it’s not the best place for her right now.
But do NOT keep someone in your wedding party that has the potential to ruin your day. A friend of mine (I was not in the bridal party, but was invited to all the parties) had a family member as MOH and it was all a total trainwreck. “Planned” the hen at her favorite dive bar, which was not my friend’s scene and then had nothing else lined up, so my cousin and I ended up hijacking the night to get the bride somewhere actually fun. Day of, MOH disappeared during pictures and turned up piss drunk for the ceremony and then was too drunk to function for any of her reception duties…it was a mess. Replace “drunk” with “ill-tempered” and I suspect you’ll have the same result.
So, NTA as long as you talk it out first.
NTA. This reads like a classic case of jealousy, in which she’s openly and actively trying to tank your wedding because she’s bitter that she’s not at the same stage in her life / relationship. Incredibly negative energy during what should be one of the happiest times of your life. This girl is not a friend!!!
YTA for this fiction. No way this was written by someone who is 30+