Me 17F and my little brother Simon "15M" go to a boarding school our parents work for the government. Simon despite doing lacrosse ,,soccer and wrestling is pretty shy and introverted to the point that he doesnt have a whole lot of actual friends and most people don’t even know hes gay especially not all the girls who keep hilariously asking him out. I love to tease him alot especially about him being dateless because hes so introverted and last time I did he got really flustered and I started figuring out why.
He’s rooming with this boy Ahmad "15M" who’s dad is some diplomat from the Middle East. Him and Ahmad have gotten wayyyyy close. Ive never seen my brother talk to someone as much as they talk. They eat together all the time and Ive seen them do way more physical touch than Simon is used to ,hugs ,pats on the back ,shoulder touches. They’re always hanging out too and all of a sudden Ahmad’s got Simon actually talking to people. Yesterday I caught them eating lunch and I teasingly told them that they looked cute together . Simon turned super red and told me to go away and Ahmad just got this angry look on his face and walked off with Simon chasing after him. Later are heard about a big argument in the boys dorm. This morning I heard Simon skipped practice and I found him in one of his hiding spots and I could tell hed been crying.
I tried to find out what was wrong and he snapped at me saying I freaked out Ahmad and that Ahmad thought he’d told me about them. That Ahmad was super in the closet because of his dad and family and what could happen if he was outed back home. They’d apparently got into some huge fight because Ahmad thought Simon had said something to me and told me. I’ said I was sorry that I’d just been joking and that’d I’d talk to Ahmad and explain and tell him he didn’t have to worry that i obviously wouldn’t say anything but Simon was still mad at me. I did try to talk to Ahmad but he just practically ignored me and pretended like he couldn’t hear me..AITA?
YTA
Neither one of them told you they were dating…you assumed they were. And then you decided to “tease them” buy making a comment that pretty much stated they were dating…in public…where anyone could have heard it.
This is not something you tease people about.
YTA. Until your brother told you that he was in a romantic relationship with Ahmad and that such was not a secret, you shouldn’t have made such a comment, teasing or not. There are a number of ways this could have gone wrong, you are lucky you only experienced one of them.
Soft YTA. I get that you meant it as a supportive joke, but context matters. If Ahmad’s dad is a diplomat from a Middle Eastern country, being perceived as gay could have serious consequences depending on where his family is from. Not every country there is the same, but many are still very anti-LGBT.
When someone is that deep in the closet for safety reasons, even a joke implying other people might know can be terrifying. He probably panicked and thought Simon told you.
You didn’t mean harm, but this shows why it’s important to be careful about outing jokes.
Yta, because impact>intention. I don’t think it was done with any malice, you just didn’t fully think it through. Certain things should be handled with some sensitivity, and that could have gone wrong in multiple ways. I don’t think it’s a huge deal, but it makes sense that he is upset
Yes, YTA. He found a friend, a friend from a place in the world and in a family that is not friendly toward gay people.
You’re being homophobic with your “teasing”, which is not cool. Why is it “hilarious” he gets attention? Your brother knows you are no longer a safe person. Be a better big sister.
YTA
Apart from potentially outing your brother against his will and also the other boy (and who on earth is that ignorant that they don’t know that being gay in the middle East can mean he’s going to get killed or tortured or both?).
Also why on earth you think that would help his shyness or anxiety around talking to people? As his older brother you should be supportive not teasing him, he’s probably getting teased enough by his peers already if he’s that shy.
(Also on a side note… don’t use introvert as a synonym for being shy. These are 2 totally different things. He could be both obviously, but not all introverts are shy and not all shy people are introverts. However I cut you some slack on that one, even adults often get that wrong.)
YTA. Outing people without their explicit permission is a violation of their privacy. It doesn’t matter if it‘s a “joke,” and it doesn’t matter who you outed them to.
Beyond the misuse of trust, outing someone is also putting them at risk. There can be serious repercussions, especially for minors. You might have done serious harm because of your “joke.”
YTA
You have a regressive understanding of what boys friendship can look like without all the hangups of society that you seem to project on them
Whether he’s gay or not is his business, but to assume being close to another boy indicates that they are an item and is worth your comment is wholly inadequate
Not to mention that other boy is from a part of the world where hugging, spending a lot of time with other men and even holding hands is not seen as homosexual act
Let them be whatever they are and don’t insinuate things you don’t seem to understand
YTA teasing isn’t a joke and it isn’t funny. Its aim is to humiliate and that’s what you did. Apologize and don’t use the word ‘if. You did embarrass them. Say it.
You know YTA. You acknowledge that not everyone knows he’s gay, yet you potentially out him to a very close friend? Putting aside the risk of backlash or even harm to both of those boys by PUBLICLY implying theyre gay, you risked ruining their friendship and/or their confidence. You had no idea if his friend knew he was gay, accepted his sexuality, or if his friend was comfortable with his *own* sexuality.
You may have forced BOTH of these boys back into the closet for years, potentially even the rest of their lives. They didnt realize their relationship was “obvious” to others, and now they no longer feel safe acting “normal”.
They may not recover from this. I dont have a solution, your brother may not forgive you for many years, after you pushed away his first love…
Unfortunately, part of making jokes is knowing your audience and if it’s going to land and be funny.
Closeted kids? Not gonna generally appreciate being called gay in public.
YTA
YTA stop forcing people out of (or even assuming people are in) the closet
YTA
YTA. You outed someone who never told you he was gay. That comment was about more than just your brother.