I feel like I have no one left. I really need advice because I honestly don’t know what to do anymore and I feel like I’m losing my mind.
Context: I (16F) have two close friends, Mary and Tatum (fake names). I also have an ex-boyfriend who broke up with me a month before all this after a year together. Important detail: Mary and my ex were friends before he and I started dating, so they have always been close.
A couple of months ago, I found out Mary and my ex were meeting up often to do snus and other forms of nicotine such as vaping. I didn’t love it since the breakup was so fresh and she sometimes would hang with him instead of me, but I let it go.
Then, one night I thought they met up and told Tatum. Tatum asked if she should go spy on them. I said sure. It turns out Mary had met up with someone else, but she got really angry at me that I would even consider spying on her.
I ended up having a mental breakdown with the fresh breakup and told my mom why I was upset, trying to cover the fact that Mary was smoking. Unfortunately, I did not hide it very well and ended up telling her. I just needed support.
The next day, Mary and Tatum asked if I told anyone. I panicked. I didn’t want them to be mad, so I lied and said I didn’t. The lie kept getting bigger and I got deeper into it because I was scared.
Here is where it blew up. My mom and Tatum’s mom are close friends. My mom got suspicious I might be vaping, and started talking to Tatum’s mom, hinting that Mary might smoke. Tatum’s mom took that and ran with it. Tatum and her mom were in the car and started asking weird questions, like "So I hear Mary is a massive vape addict."
Tatum immediately told Mary. They both sat me down and went off on me. They are furious that I told my mom and furious that I lied. Mary says she feels totally judged by my parents now. My mom tried to "fix it" by texting Mary saying she doesn’t judge her, but that just proved I told her everything.
Now Tatum is blaming me for getting her in trouble with her mom, and Mary won’t speak to me. I sent Mary a long apology message taking responsibility for the lie, but she doesn’t trust me.
I am so mad at my mom for breaking my trust, but I’m also hurt by my friends. They are making me feel like the villain for going to my mother when I was at my lowest point. I get why they are mad about the lie and I take full accountability. But they are angry at me for confiding in my mother when I was in a dark place.
Ever since then, I feel as if they are distancing themselves. Today in school, they both completely ignored me. I am really lost with what I should do. I need lots of opinions and advice.
Important to mention!!
I did not send Tatum to go spy! Tatum was also upset they kept meeting up for other reasons and asked if she should go do it!
Update!
Texted both Mary and Tatum this
okay all im gonna say one thing.
i fucked up bad. im sorry i really am. i shouldnt of have told my mom thought i could trsut her but couldnt. ill give you guys as much space as you need but please once you had the space youve needed reach out. i really am sorry and dont want to loose you guys
Don’t know what much else i can say but thats for all the criticism and please continue giving me advice
Jesus I’m just happy not to be in high school anymore.
Soft YTA, if only bc it seems you need to learn what to trust your mom with and what not to. This was relatively low stakes situation (your friends weren’t like, doing coke or smoking meth for example).
It will eventually pass and things will be weird for a while. It sounds like you may need some help from a professional though if a breakup caused a “mental breakdown” and now you’re so overwhelmed and stressed by this — I mean help specifically not from your mom.