I (18 F) told my mom that I need silence. I am a college student and next week would be my finals week so I’ve been really stressed, might I add that I’m on my period and I get really bad cramps.
So, what happened was that I went for dinner, not like a family dinner or anything, it was around 9pm and I just went to the kitchen to eat some leftovers before doing my homework and studying for the rest of the night. My mom was in the kitchen at that time, eating some snacks while watching some YouTube reels. First of all, she had the volume really loud, but that’s just a detail, I wore headphones anyways and I was watching YouTube videos. It’s my only time that I feel like I can chill.
While I was eating, my mom made some small talk which I responded to, she was also watching videos at the time so she also didn’t talk a lot. Anyways, I finished eating and continued watching my videos, and she kept talking but like in a ragebaiting way, like she’s talking just to annoy me and I can tell by her smile, like for example she asks me at what time I start tomorrow and if I’m going with my best friend even though I told her a thousand of time that she isn’t in my class. And I could understand that she forgot, but each time she asked me, I repeated it and I kept telling her that I keep on repeating myself, which I am since school started in September and it’s now December and she’s still asking. So, I tell her ‘no, me and my friend aren’t in the same class’, she replies ‘oh yeah, but then is it only today or the whole week’, girl.
Whatever, I just say that I’m watching my video, then she asks me when are my finals, I tell her that it’s next week and then she tells me that I need to study but in a way that make it seems like I didn’t study yet or that I never studied. Again, I shrug it off, I unpause my video and continue watching. Then again, she talks to me, telling me that if I need help, she’s here, which I would found really sweet if I didn’t see that she was just ragebaiting me, and it was working cause I told her that she needs to help me acquire silence, and I kinda said it in a joking way but I meant it.
So after that, I thought she’d understand cause she chuckled like it was funny, but then she put on her loud videos even louder, full blasting, so I’m like ‘girl, I’m gonna go’, and she replies ‘okay but you gotta clean the kitchen (her mess)’, I’m like okay cause I don’t wanna fight, my stomach was hurting and atp I was over it. I then get up and start cleaning, and I’m obviously annoyed so she asks why I’m being like that, and I tell her that I just want peace and quiet, and that I need silence. Then she started getting really mad cause I shouldn’t say that or whatever, she tells me that she barely spoke and that I don’t say that to my friends, and I’m like yes because during stressing period even when we’re around we’re too busy studying so we’re quiet. Anyways, she stand up and storm in her room while calling me names.
ESH, but only in that “Everyone sucks sometimes” way. Your mom’s allowed to watch loud videos in her own kitchen. You’re allowed to want peace and quiet. You both got on each other’s nerves. Next time just go somewhere quieter, put some headphones on, and leave your mom to her YouTube videos.
You’re the only one who can tell if she was really trying to make you mad or if she just wanted to talk to you because you’re her daughter and she likes you, but if she was just trying to make conversation, apologize to her and tell her you’re stressed and your stomach hurts.
Thanks for your comment, I did apologize, I told her that it was my fault but she doesn’t wanna hear it, she even told me that if I want silence that bad then she won’t talk to me anymore, I don’t really know what else to do.
NAH I don’t understand why you feel like she was rage baiting you. Her questions sound perfectly normal. I don’t understand why you went to the kitchen if you wanted peace and quiet either. You can’t reasonably expect people to be silent in shared rooms in the house they live in. Just stay in your room if you feel so bad you can’t even have a conversation.
NAH
I used to get so assholy during exam season. The amount of stress would make me triggered at every little thing my parents used to do and I woul treat them horrible.
I think you need to do some self reflection and take some accountability on your behavior
Hi! I’m glad you understand/relate to the amount of stress 😭, I did try and explain to her how I felt and that I didn’t mean what I said in a bad way, even apologized but she doesn’t wanna hear it.
By now my parent know to avoid me during exams, just take deep breathes and remove yourself from the situation
You could go to your room for silence instead of a shared space? I’m going with NTA because my son gets snappy and stressed (with good reason) during difficult testing times. I know that kid pretty well so I tend to give him space until he seems more at ease.
I wanted to eat in the kitchen, I couldn’t go in my room to eat because there’s a lot of papers spread everywhere from my studying (I get a bit messy during exams period). But that’s why I left when she was being loud, I understand that it’s a shared space, that’s why it’s when she asked why I was leaving (to go back to my room after finished eating) that I told her that I needed silence.
Eugh technology!
Say, ‘ Mom, I’m sorry I was crabby. I know you were just chatting. I’m a bit preoccupied/stressed with studying, I love you!
With your Mom, choose one evening – no devices in the kitchen, then have a cup of tea and a conversation, watch a k drama together, have a kitchen dance party or something!!! She just lives ypu & misses you, I think. No one tells you how to deal with young adults as a Mom. She might not be doing what you want exactly, but she’ll be doing her best.
Hi! I did apologize, I’m very close to my mom and I’m with her most of the time when I’m not at school and we do watch k dramas together 😭. Sometimes we just chill in each other’s room even. But after I apologized, she didn’t accept it and told me that if I needed silence then she wasn’t going to speak to me anymore. That’s why I’m sad and don’t really get why what I said was that bad. But I’m doing some self reflection.
I don’t know OP, except maybe your Mom has her own struggles. Maybe she’s finding you becoming a grown adult & a college student difficult, maybe she isn’t sure what her role is now. Maybe she’s worried about money or her future, or yours. Maybe she’s menopausal. Everyone’s got something going on. Get a good night’s sleep & try again with the olive branch.
PS Did you watch the K drama ‘Tomorrow’ on Netflix? Weird premise, but sooooo good.
To be more precise about the situation, I went to the kitchen so I could eat, the living room is under renovation so I couldn’t go there and my room is a mess (papers everywhere from studying). I said I needed silence when she asked me why I was being like and why I was leaving. She got mad at me after and started calling me names while I was cleaning the kitchen (which she asked me to before going to my room). Also, I apologized but she doesn’t wanna hear it, she told me that she won’t forgive me and that if I needed peace and quiet then she wouldn’t speak to me anymore.
NTA & I‘m sorry about your mum