Throwaway account.
I (44F) am currently visiting my brother Bob (56M) and his wife Sue (53F) out of state, and their daughter Ann (21F).
For context, Bob and Sue have moved around quite a bit due to Bob’s work. They lived in Indiana for many years, then moved to Oregon about twelve years ago, then to New Mexico nine years ago. While they were in Oregon, they lived in a neighborhood with several apartment complexes surrounding an area with a playground and large field in the middle, where I suppose all the kids would play after school.
So a few days ago, Ann comes downstairs crying hysterically because apparently, one of the kids she used to play with there, Joe (20M) had died (she still won’t tell me the cause of death). She seemed really upset, and I tried to calm her down, letting her know that she had not seen Joe since before COVID (they went back to visit in I believe early 2019), and that it was a middle school friend, not someone that she’d really have around for life. I know I don’t keep I touch with anyone I went to middle school with, and I don’t think anyone really does!
Ann gets all mad and says that they made so many fun memories together at the playground in middle school, and that even they hadn’t seen each for seven years they still kept in touch via social media and called every few months, and that she considered him one of her best friends. I told her that he might have been a good friend, but she didn’t need to get as worked up about as she was, because it was a long time ago that they met and last saw one another in person, not really what a best friend is. Also worth nothing that even though they were in the same grade, she was a year and two months older because she entered school late. She got mad and went upstairs and refused to speak to me at dinner that night, which I felt was incredibly childish.
Now it’s a few days later, and Bob and Sue are mad at me too, saying that everyone grieves differently, but I was just trying to help her and let her know that this really doesn’t seem like a “best friend” and she was overreacting a bit.
I’m honestly nervous and wondering if I should have been more sensitive, and my flight is tomorrow, so Reddit, AITA?
You don’t sound like a cool aunt at all.
YTA
YTA. I still keep in touch with middle school friends, stop speaking for the entire world. Even if she hadn’t seen them in years, she’s allowed to be sad and cry about it as much as she needs to. You are extremely insensitive. At the least, you should’ve minded your own business.
YTA. Come on man. Your niece just found out her friend died. Of course she’s gonna be upset. “He’s not really that good of a friend” is an absolute asshole way to react. Just say “I’m sorry” and STFU.