I have a close friend of 4 years who is currently going through some massive changes in life and has turned to meth as a maladaptive coping strategy. It started off recreationally and has steadily progressed to a daily habit. We chat daily, and I try to be as supportive as possible.
It has now been 4+ months of daily use for this friend. Their behaviour is changing a lot. Forgetfulness, paranoia, fixation on certain things, ethically and morally questionable choices, and lots of self doubt.
For the most part I try to remain neutral, supportive and don’t confront the meth use bluntly, as I know they are under chronic stress. There are times though that I notice my patience wears thin and I address the behaviour mentioned above. When I do, it’s met with denial, justification and dismissal. This creates a lot of frustration in me and I find myself withdrawing from the friendship.
AITA for bringing up the negative changes to my friend? I just feel like I cannot continue to ignore some really obvious changes and in doing so I’m almost enabling their justification to keep using daily “to cope”. On the other hand, I realise that stepping back from the friendship will only cause more isolation and stress for this person, which won’t help the whole addiction thing.
No. NTA but you would be the asshole for remaining silent. Your friend is on a dark path and needs you to voice that so they hear it from you. It may not change anything but you should say it.
Thank you. I feel critical/judgemental, because I have voiced it multiple times across their history of using, and feel like the current escalation is pushing me to voice it again.
Definitiely NTA! What it sounds like to me is that you are a person who cares deeply about their friend and doesn’t want them hurt. Sometimes when you’re struggling mentally it’s hard to hear people out and especially if your friend is struggling with paranoia and other psychological symptoms it can be especially hard to confront their issues head-on.
I’d probably recommend talking to a doctor – or at least trying to get your friend to go to talk to someone if the situation becomes more serious though.
Thank you. I feel critical/judgemental, because I have voiced it multiple times across their history of using, and feel like the current escalation is pushing me to voice it again.
They work in the medical field so are really worried about disclosing to medical professionals which makes the whole situation even harder to navigate.
It speaks well of your character that your considering this.
NTA. You’re going to need a lot of support from others if you’re going to support your friend though.
I didn’t even consider that my burnout and frustration could very well be signs I need support myself.
Hey, sorry to hear about your friend. To answer your question, no definitely NTA.
I’m a psychiatrist who has worked with many patients who use meth and it’s a scourge. It’s incredibly addictive, I’d hesitate to say more so than even fentanyl.
I am generally drug positive, I still occasionally do psychedelics, ketamine, coke, mdma etc which I say only to show I’m not some stuffy old white man who hates drugs.
Meth is a beautifully designed drug, it increases dopamine in essentially every way possible, has a long half life, and undoubtedly feels amazing…how could it not when it increases dopamine by over a 1000% from baseline. Food, drinking, smoking, love…nothing comes close to the dopamine blast it gives you.
It’s also hard to straight up OD on so you can do it for years while it obliterates your brain, heart, kidneys etc I’ve treated people who used to have full careers and families and are now homeless with nothing and you cannot convince them the meth is the problem.
Your friend may be mad in the short term but if you can help them start the path to quitting you have saved a life. I really hope your friend gets help, best of luck
NTA – a daily meth habit is not something that can be argued is a good thing
It probably won’t change anything, but it it’s important for him to hear the truth.
The brain does a funny thing of convincing us things are ‘ok’ as we slide into addiction
NTA. Pretty much no easy way to say ‘you have a problem and can’t see it because of your problem. You need to get help before it’s too late’. Not easy but needs to be said. Over and over and over again if you want to really help them. If they withdraw, you can’t regret trying to help. If you don’t say it because you fear losing them, you just might lose them in a horrific way.
No make sure you help them get healthy
You are such a good friend. I wish i had one like this
Boy i wish i had this.
My drug of choice eventually ended up being crack. I was still able to hold a job and thought I was just fine, but my boss took me aside and said, “I don’t know what you’re doing, and I don’t want to know anything about it, but you need to know that I’m seeing that you have been forgetting what you’re saying *mid-sentence.* Whatever you’re up to is affecting your brain.
Man saved my life. I quit drugs completely. Thirty-seven years ago.