Per my last post here, this quandary is owing to my unusual living situation: I rent my childhood home from my mother, who lives in her second home elsewhere. I make a pretty small wage in an extremely expensive city, so while I would like to just have my own place, it’s not going to be feasible for a long time (my current company is even on a pay freeze).
My sister makes substantially more than me but lives in a busy house share the other side of the city. Her bf lives in essentially poor student accommodation in a different city. She’s recently been saying that she feels she’s outgrowing her house share, and that she and her partner find it really stressful staying there because of how busy it is, and they can’t get much peace together.
All that to say that last weekend they came to stay here in the family home, and then added two additional nights onto the stay without letting me know because they were enjoying the space. Now I’ve just had five hours’ notice that they’ve decided they’ll be staying here again, because the bf ‘really got stressed at the idea of staying in her house share’.
I basically said that I’m not okay with having such short notice, and I’m also not really happy if they’re trying to make this a regular thing: this isn’t an alternate place to stay for me, this is my only home, and I don’t appreciate a couple showing up whenever they want to get some space, and in doing so taking mine. My sister is angry because she says it’s her childhood home too and I’m not the one to say when she can or can’t come and who she brings.
And of course my mum wants to stay out of it lol.
So tl;dr AITA for trying to stipulate when my sister can or can’t bring her bf to stay in the family home that I rent on an individual basis. Mouthful.
NTA
You are the one renting it, you are the one who gets a say in who stays. Tell your sister she’s welcome to stay but she must pay, say local hotel rates.
NTA. “What this place used to be is immaterial. My name is the only name on the rental agreement. That makes you a guest. Guests don’t get to invite themselves, and especially don’t get to invite other guests.”
>I rent my childhood home from my mother
>and then added two additional nights onto the stay without letting me know
>Now I’ve just had five hours’ notice that they’ve decided they’ll be staying here again
she says it’s her childhood home too and I’m not the one to say when she can or can’t come and who she brings.
Aside from their inconsiderate attitude, selfishness, and boundary-crossing, your sister still feels that the old family home has an open-door policy. So, because she’s family, she has unfettered access.
This obviously needs some correcting. They’ve left the nest, including your mother.
You can also say no. This is your living space now, and they individually have their own living spaces. It is not your problem that they prefer one over another, and that they choose not to co-habitate somewhere they both like. You’re not an AirB&B.
NTA
You are paying rent. Your sister does not live there and doesn’t pay rent. She has no right to be there without your consent.
Your mom wants to stay out of it, and your sister still believes she can come and go as she pleases. Then you need to change the behaviour. Stop allowing the sleepovers with the boyfriend and stick to your boundaries, then it will change.
NTA
NTA
**You are paying to live there**. They don’t get to just ‘decide’ to stay there again with no notice or permission. If her own place ‘stresses’ out her boyfriend, then she needs to move. It’s not your problem.
NTA. Your sister needs the reality check that isn’t her childhood home anymore. You are a tenant and it is your home. You have all the rights and responsibilities of those renting any other spaces. I would suggest either getting back your key or changing the locks if your sister can’t see reason. This would put a physical barrier down that shows her that this place is no longer a back up home and that if she needs those kinds of accommodations, then she needs to go to your mother’s current house.
No – it’s the childhood home *you rent*. If someone else were renting there, would she show up and say ‘well this is my childhood home, so…’ No, she wouldn’t. So she’s taking advantage of you and your space, don’t let her. She can get a different place if she doesn’t like her accommodations, taking over yours is not the solution. NTA
NTA. She is no longer a child and this is no longer her home. This is your home, and only your home. You are a paying tenant, she is not.
If your mother was renting it to someone outside of your family, would she feel free to barge in whenever she wanted? No? You have the same rights as any other tenant.
Change the locks, get a security camera, and don’t let her step foot in the place until she can respect your space, privacy and home.
So they’re there to have sex.
Stand outside the door and give ratings as they go. They might find it uncomfortable. Invite friends.
I’d be changing the locks and adding a ring cam. Dead serious.
Send her your rental agreement. “I pay for this to be my home. Consider this off grounds for you to come vacation. I’m renting. I’m not staying here at mom’s graciousness. This is my home. You pay nothing. Imagine mom rented this out to some un-connected party. Would you just show up because ‘childhood home’? No. Fuck off.”
Tbh, I’d change the locks and tell your mom that she doesn’t get to ‘stay out of this’. “I’m paying you money. You are my landlord. You get to tell your child that she doesn’t get to camp out here when she wants. If she shows up again, this counts as trespassing.”
You really need to learn what boundaries are. It’s your home. Change the locks. Tell your mom it’s off the market in terms of visitations, and if she wants people to be able to come and go as they please, you’re ceasing paying rent, because she can’t have her cake and eat it too.
NTA.
NTA
You are paying rent and a tenant. Your sister should not dropping in and staying without your invitation, and the BF is definitely not allowed.
I suggest you get an actual lease written up, and also change the locks.
Your mom is going to have to get involved. Either you are the tenant and you pay your mother for use of the house, or you are a guest in her house and so is your sister. She can’t have it both ways.
Tell your mother that if your sister insists on treating your house like her own, you will stop paying rent.
NTA