I [18F] planned a small birthday dinner with a few close friends and family. I booked a nice restaurant that’s not baby-friendly dim lighting, expensive plates, quiet atmosphere. My sister just had a baby two months ago, and I gently told her I really wanted an adults-only night. She said it was fine because her husband would stay home with the baby.
Fast forward to the dinner I walk in and she’s already there… with the baby. She said her husband was “too tired” and she “didn’t want to miss my birthday” so she brought the baby.
Five minutes in, the baby starts fussing. Not screaming just those fussy little noises loud enough to make people turn around. I didn’t pay much attention to it until a few minutes later, the baby started crying, and by crying I mean you could literally hear him all the way across the room.
I looked over at my sister, visibly annoyed, and told her that this is the reason why I said I didn’t want her to bring him.
She said I was being dramatic and that “family should come before vibes.”
The twist?
My mom took her side.. because apparently my sister told her I insisted she bring the baby so I could meet him again.
A full lie. I had no idea she said that.
So when my family started guilt-tripping me from mid-dinner, I just got up, paid my part, apologized to the staff and left. I didn’t want a scene or a crying baby in the middle of the meal I planned.
Now everyone’s calling me selfish for ditching my own dinner.
AITA?
NTA. I do not get why people insist on bringing so young babies to dinners!
Right, I would’ve just politely declined and given my sister a nice gift. I was still a zombie when my kids were 2 months old. Can’t imagine hauling myself and them to a restaurant.
It’s also just really not a nice experience for the baby either. They just lie in your arms nursing or fussing because they are overwhelmed by the noise smell and people.
… and wellness spas, nail salons etc. They call me selfish for choosing to not have children but entitled parents are the selfish ones.
NTA. Cost you a bday party, but bought you the knowledge that your family now knows you’re not the one. The users, like your sister, will know to save their shenanigans for the family doormats. Oh, how I wish I’d done the same.
Good on you.
NTA! It’s extremely uncomfortable and embarrassing to have a crying baby disturb other quests at a nice restaurant (during evening hours). I say this as a mom of 2. It’s completely understandable that this was not the evening you wanted to spend your birthday at… Your sister is a huge AH for not respecting your reasonable request.
INFO: Its the bit about the husband being “too tired” that gets me! With a baby of 2 months old, you are both tired. Par for the course. Had he stepped up, this situation would not have occurred and your family would all have enjoyed your birthday dinner without the family feud. So my questions are – was she lying about that too or was she having separation anxiety from the baby given its age and couldn’t bear to leave it? Why was the husband not invited to your birthday dinner?
For the first question, I don’t know if she lied or not, though if she did have separation anxiety she could’ve just told me, I would’ve organised a little something before or after the dinner so she could’ve been there and with the baby.
As for her husband, he was infact invited before she told me that he would stay home with the baby, forgot to mention that part. Though, he didn’t come to the dinner nor did he stay with the baby.
NTA; sounds to me like the A is the husband! Or if she was lying to manipulate the situation into getting her own way, then it’s her.
NTA – the dinner was to celebrate you. Nothing wrong with wanting an adults only party. Not sure why people cannot respect that. If adults only party – you either get a babysitter or stay at home.
It sounds like your sister wanted to make it about her and her baby.
NTA. You might have said to your sister, “Yes, family should come first. I’m your family, this is my birthday, and these are my guests. Since the baby is making a fuss and ruining the evening not only for all of us but for other diners, too, it’s best you leave now. Here’s the diaper bag. Did the baby have a jacket?” And you start packing her up and escorting her to the door.
As for your mom, surely she understood that good manners mean taking a squalling infant out of the restaurant.
It was your right to leave. It’s too bad, though, because your guests had their evening ruined, too.
Yeah, I should’ve stayed and handle the situation differently, but to be honest on the moment while every family guest (my mom, my 2 sisters, my brother and my 3 cousins) all started blaming me in the front of my friends on my 18th bday I kinda lost it.
Forgot to mention but I invited my friends over the next day to celebrate properly, no family involved though.
Back when I got my master’s degree, my mother offered to host a family dinner at a very nice restaurant in celebration, after the graduation ceremony. I was touched, but declined. She was surprised, but I explained that it seemed that every single time we would go out for a family dinner, my B & SIL would bring my nephew, then still a toddler, and then it would turn into King Baby Traveling Carnival Show.
Being a toddler, he didn’t want to sit still, and frankly, B & SIL weren’t exactly the greatest or most attentive parents. It was expected that everyone present take turns with my nephew, walking around outside or whatnot – more than once, I missed eating my entree.
The second time it happened, I resolved to not attending anything with them for a time – it just wasn’t really enjoyable and stressed me out. I didn’t make a big announcement or anything; this dinner invitation was the first time I said, “No, thanks.”
Thankfully, my mother woke up and realized that if I was declining something in honor of myself because of this issue, maybe it was getting out of hand. So she did invite my B & SIL, without my nephew. (They squawked, of course, but eventually worked out childcare.) My step-mother said later that it was a really nice and lovely evening, and I noticed that things began to change after that. If someone suggested a very nice restaurant, it was understood that they needed a sitter. But if it was a fun, casual place, then sure, kids can come…
NTA.
Your sister deliberately lied to your family about you saying you wanted the baby there, then used manipulative tactics in the restaurant. By leaving as quietly as you could and not making a scene you did the right thing.
Quite frankly don’t invite her to any more events until she makes a full apology in front of your family and admits she lied. (I bet she never will).
Explain to your parents, as soon as you can that she lied and you had specifically requested that the event be adults only prior to the event. Explain to your family that if they can’t respect decisions you made for your 18th birthday meal, that you will have to reconsider your relationship with them too.