Lemme preface this with a few things.
This about my 4th attempt to write this ina way that gets the WHOLE point across for either a podcast host to read some day bc it’s that good OR (please be nice, my mental health needs more niceness rn; TLDR of the story below: she tore down ALL of my mental walls before I was ready… I wanted vacation brain and instead she just broke my brain entirely)
1. This is not my first attempt to post on Reddit within the guidelines. I am learning how to keep the story more brief while still getting the entire story across. You can blame my unmedicated ADHD if you so wish.
2. This friend of mine used to be housemates (NOT shared rooms) in college
3. I am an ex Disneyland ATTRACTIONS CM, and she’s a current Disneyland MERCHANDISE) CM; she finds her theme park joy in gift shops, I find mine on rides…. we BOTH love theme parks, though.
4. she reminds me a lot of myself (CSUF grad ‘24; BS in Kinesiology) in the sense that she is still in love with the knowledge she gained in college more than she is in love with the idea of making sure her friend is having a good time.
5. (cont. from #4) She kept word vomiting knowledge upon me in the form of psycho analysis, and I was her target. From Day 1, she misdiagnosed me with autism (I’ve been clinically tested and only tested + for ADHD) and reacted EXTREMELY defensively when I politely tried MANY times to stop calling me that (old trigger/trauma my walls protected me from)
6. I took this vacation as the last sign I needed from God/Mother Earth (I’m a hippie) that we: A) Can no longer be friends B) will never see each other again… for these reasons, I became miserable (both to be around and just was emotionally EXHAUSTED).
7. I’m closed off. I don’t like to cry. Her actions (whether meaning to or not) caused me to cry ugly tears in front of both her AND strangers at least 7x… not fun.
8. for these reasons, I waited until the end of the trip to tell her how i TRULY felt with angry words I probably should‘ve slept on (can detail more in replies) before hitting send.
So… now that there’s a bit more context (will answer any questions to provide more below)…. AITA for telling her all the ways why it’s terrible to try to get a closed off friend to open up before they’re ready?
Info: I’m sorry, I’m very confused. Are you saying that you went to Disneyland with your college housemate and while there they misdiagnosed you with autism and they tried to psychoanalyze you all trip long, and because of that you are never talking to them again?
Sorry, more context. She literally broke my brain so all logical thinking is out the window. Long story short: I trusted her with my heart and mind (she wanted me to explain every single emotion I was feeling whenever I was literally just trying to enjoy myself, and then either called me “autistic”, “mean”, “loud”, etc. all things I was never going to hear from a friend in such an accusatory way. She knows how emotionally EXHAUSTED I already was going into the trip, and she continued to gaslight me into believing I have a toxic relationship with myself and my mother, when I’ve literally been working on healing both relationships for YEARS since COVID (terrible time for myself and my family). Need I go on? I trusted her and practically begged her to stop asking me to tell her everything (she’s autistic btw, so I gave her as much patience as I could since in my exp, people with autism need extra help sometimes figuring out how to read emotions correctly).
Ok, it’s generally useful to have more context but can you please confirm the basic facts cause it’s hard to understand from your post? Try to reply to the below specifically before giving any more details.
1) is it the case that you went on vacation with her for an activity (Disneyland) and you couldn’t leave and go home?
2) you didn’t ask for any opinions etc and she started prying and giving diagnoses?
3) you asked her to stop or otherwise indicated you were uncomfortable?
YTA for the long lead in and the lack of information
INFO: There are more prefaces than details. If you want to know if you were the AH for telling her off, you’ll need to provide some details on how you told her off and what for – was it solely the misdiagnosis? Why did you cry 7+ times?
That said, you don’t have to be friends with anybody. People drift apart all the time as they age, and particularly after their schooling ends. If spending time with her doesn’t enhance your life, you don’t need to continue spending time with her, regardless of whether or not you were an AH in telling her off.
I really have no idea whatsoever what happened other than that your feelings were hurt by things you have mostly not described, you took a really melodramatic stance and upset yourself even more, and then you said thing you didn’t bother to actually tell us. No judgement possible, because the actual interactions aren’t in the post.
It sounds like your friend has new-degree cockiness without any judgment, ethics, professionalism, common sense, or sensitivity to back it up.
It is unethical to “treat” friends.
It is unethical, inappropriate, and insensitive to diagnose ANYONE who isn’t a client and who isn’t ready to hear it.
Along with what’s above, it is arrogant, insensitive, and generally dopey to spend a vacation talking about something that is obviously hard for your friend to talk about.
It’s awful to make vacation with a friend all about you.
NTA, except it might have been better if you didn’t wait ‘til the end of your vacation.
Thank you so much for your onion and for understanding my gibberish. My brain is a mess because she broke any mental fortitude I have atm. I was still working my way up to getting back into therapy. I’ve tried numerous times but have a lot of trouble with people labeling me (especially online). I know that I’ve got a lot of work to do, and it’s way too exhausting to be friends with a want to be therapist. My choice of words in the letter I wrote was raw and unedited (but proofread as best as I could). I wrote it during our second flight that I almost missed… I made the incorrect assumption that she wanted me to miss it because she made hardly any effort to let me know our gate changed. She left me behind as soon as we got off our first flight without a second glance.
Just reread and saw I said “onion” instead of “opinion”, lol
I’m a psychologist. I’m having a hard time understanding what happened here. But, regardless of the details of your situation, it is unethical for psychologists to diagnose or treat friends or family. Period. At most, as a friend I might gently suggest that someone consider exploring a diagnosis. But that’s as far as it goes. (Unless I’m talking to colleague psychologists which is a completely different story)
NTA. But your friend is. Didn’t her degree require an ethics course? And why would someone with no empathy want to be a psychologist? She’s not even a good friend. I feel sorry for her future clients.
ESH- she shouldn’t have diagnosed you and your post is very specifically and could likely dox her. Also your post is a bit insufferable and prone to the same vibes I think you’re complaining about