I (22F) genuinely don’t know if it’s wrong for me to have mentioned that me and my husband (31m) \*misclicked \* should make a little more time for me specifically to focus on my own health over his want
For context I’m 5m postpartum with our second baby after two car crashes and two high risk pregnancies and a cesarean I’ve gained a lot of weight over the years due to the lack of movement capability.
when I met my husband four years ago I was fit. Worked full time constantly moving, exercising eating healthy etc. 5 months ago I hit 307 lbs…. 307 was my breaking point. I couldn’t look in the mirror without breaking down and crying .i can’t even jog anymore.
307 meant every time I went to buy new clothes I’d cry every time something didn’t fit or didn’t look good. so I never bought clothes. I can only hear “give yourself some grace you made two babies” so much before I know everyone is lying to me. my husband tells me I’m not fat thinking I’ll believe him like the dr didn’t call me morbidly obese my whole pregnancy.
since now 5 months I’ve dropped to 220. And I’ve hit a plateau. I have no extra time to exercise ontop of being a mom of 2under2 and I recently asked a friend if she could go with me since I haven’t been to the gym in a while and am a bit self conscious.
My friend agreed so I asked my husband if I can start going to the gym. His response was “that was random” like I haven’t been mentioning it for months. for reference my husband is FIT. in the past four years he’s gained a max of 10lbs and looks the same to me but he swears he needs to go to the gym because he used to have abs..
As we have very little if any free time I said we should probably look to give me a bit more time to focus on my health and fitness over his want for abs and just looks I guess?
I wasn’t saying we couldn’t make him time I feel like that how he took it I was just saying that maybe right now we can give me a bit more time since I’m having physical health and mental health issues vs just wanting my abs to pop.
he called me selfish for even thinking I should get more time but if I’m TAH please tell me
Esit since apparently I’m lying?
I had preeclampsia and I hit 307 during my pregnancy. Losing baby, fluids, water retention ,the sac, etc. and then strictly breastfeeding. Easily possible to add up
Timeline:
Dating April 22
Car crash Oct 22
Baby Jan 24
Married Jan 25
Baby Oct 25
Car crash Nov 25
(I have receipts if it’s that
Deep but like cmon I know it adds up bc it’s literally my life)
And this is a new acc yes but I literally made it to post where he couldn’t yell at me for blasting him later bc he follows my acc.
Next question
hon the weight you need to lose is your husband. he was a 29 year old dating an 18 year old. you’ve been through 2 pregnancies and multiple car accidents and he doesn’t care.
Does he act weird when you talk to your friends or hang out with them? do things suddenly come up to interrupt plans with your relatives?
Lose your husband. You will find that you have more free time. He is not a good husband.
It sounds like he doesn’t want to support anything that inconveniences him.
So you going to the gym means he needs to look after his child for the 1.5 hours that your gone.
With the age difference there’s a lot of red flags here.
Nta.
Besides the fact that your husband sounds clueless, and maybe you don’t want this option, but could you guys go to the gym together? Is that doable? But you’re NTA – he definitely is.
NTA Divorce that entitled trash. He is a selfish asshole and not worthy of you.
So you started dating when you were 18 and he was 29, ewwwww
NTA. As other states, your husband sucks ( from info given). Look into a gym with childcare. Even the YMCAs have them. JCC is also great and usually has baby / toddler classes you can socialize with other moms too. You definitely deserve some time to focus on you and your health. Do not feel guilty about that !!!
I’m so sorry you’re going through that, and glad your pregnancies went ok. Being postpartum is incredibly challenging especially when you see how your body has changed. Respectfully, your husband is inconsiderate and selfish for not freeing up time for you to focus on your health. Tbh the biggest red flag from this post was that he met you when you were 18 and he was 29.. I get that 18 is legal age, but it’s still concerning and I’m not surprised to see how someone who would do that is also being an awful husband. Please leave him and get yourself a better husband.
Girl your husbands a predator.
NTA, but a 29 year old man doesn’t go after a brand new adult because he cares about your needs. How many times have you already had to defer to his wants over your own wants and needs?
He’s already told you that your needs are not important to him. He’s probably already shown this multiple times in your relationship already, it’s just now you’re older and under a lot more stress, you’re actually seeing the reality behind your relationship. He’s the selfish one, but he’ll never acknowledge this because he thinks that your world should revolve around him. It won’t get better from here.
>I asked my husband if I can start going to the gym.
Okay, first of all sweetheart? You should not have to ask permission to take care of yourself.
#NTA
This isn’t even wanting to prioritize yourself over him. This is about trying to treat both of you *equitably.* You are different people, who have different needs, and you are going to need different things to reach the same goal.
You both should be able to do what you need to reach the goal of being healthy. If he is already a healthy weight and gets enough exercise in his day, good for him! But that doesn’t negate the fact that you are *not* getting what you need to reach that same goal, and you deserve to have those needs met.
Ughhhh I really want to discuss the age difference, but I won’t.
Instead, GURL!!! You went from 307 to 220?!?? That is AMAZING!! 🤩 👏👏👏🏆🎉🥳
Losing weight is so hard to do, especially as busy moms and wives, we have so much on our plate ALL THE TIME. I hate seeing memes and reels that poke fun at women when they’re first single, skinny and hot, vs when married, overweight and frumpy. Right. As if we *want* to look like this. As if we *enjoy* it. It comes from having zero time to take care of ourselves like we used to.
Of course you’re NTA for wanting some time to yourself!! You need this for your health and your confidence. Keep pushing for this. You teach people how to treat you and if your husband thinks he can steamroll over your wants and needs, he will keep doing it.
Might I also suggest, during the day, take the kids for a walk. Put them in the stroller and get those steps in. Brisk walking does wonders for the body and your mental health. Getting some fresh air and sunshine while burning calories.
Don’t give up on the gym thing though. You need this, you deserve this.
Look for a gym that has childcare. Go walking and push the stroller. He can join you. Walking is the best way to shed pounds.
Make a schedule where you both get gym time but you get one extra day during the week and alternate gym times on weekends so both get a break.
girl you are a victim you need to get away