On Sunday, my wife and I were out for a date night, my sister was babysitting our two year old daughter, so we had the night free. I was busy with some friends in the afternoon so I had texted my wife to make reservations at the restaurant, and a few minutes later she told me it was done.
When we got there, and were taken to our table, she said that during the phone call she had asked for a table next to the windows and that the lady who’d taken down her reservation had said she’d noted it down. The guy said there wasn’t anything written, and there wasn’t any window-side table free, so if we could be seated at the current table for now, he’d see what he can do. That table was good too, and honestly I wasn’t fussed over the window, so we sat down.
A few minutes later, she told me she saw someone be seated at a window-side table, I said it was fine but as that same guy walked past she told him she’d seen someone be seated and we were supposed to be first. He said he’ll check it out. When he left (I want to be clear I didn’t say it in front of him) I said it’s our date night, lets not be difficult. She didn’t get angry or anything just said she wasn’t being difficult we were first. A few minutes later the guy came and took us to a window-side table. We had a great night.
Later that night when were in bed, I said it had been a great night she said, "yeah despite me being difficult" and seemed a bit put off by what I had said. I said I only meant that our night would be good regardless of where we sat, so it wasn’t a big deal. She said how was she in the wrong, we were promised a particular type of table and she just kept them to their word, that I was blaming the person who was wronged. I said ok, (I didn’t see the point in pushing it) and apologized for my remark. We were planning on another night this weekend and I just recalled her being mad at me for what I had said. So I was just wondering if I was TA that time.
YTA. There was no reason for you to call your wife difficult over this.
YTA.
Just because it’s something you didn’t care about doesn’t mean she is being difficult in advocating and following up on something she asked for.
Not a big deal, but yes, YTA. She made the reservation, was assertive, got you table she was promised. You did not lift a finger, just called her difficult. Again, not a big deal, but I’m confused how you don’t see why she can be upset. BTW – was she ‘mad’ or just called you on your BS?
You wife called, MADE A RESERVATION FOR A WINDOW SEAT, but was given another seat upon arrival. I do not think she was being difficult, but being assertive. The waiter got her the window seat so all was well.
In the future, when you wife is handling an issue, LET HER HANDLE IT WITHOUT MAKING AN UNNECESSARY COMMENT.
This does not rise to the level of AH. It is a trivial issue.
YTA
“It’s our date night. Let’s not be difficult.”
And
“Our night would be good regardless of where we sat” have two completely different meanings.
The first is critical and sounds more like “hey this is OUR night and if you behave like this it will ruin it for me”
The latter is supportive and says
“It doesn’t matter where we sit. I’m just happy I’m here with you.”
As a long time service industry worker, we do have to fix our mistakes. If she was told she would have a window seat, she should have one. Of course things happen and mistakes get made but upon your arrival the mistake was noted and she was then given the idea that there was something that could be done. It’s completely okay for her to follow up on that. It’s not like she had some big melt down.
As a restaurant worker I would have been completely okay with her behavior and apologetic as the restaurant was at fault.
Be genuinely apologetic and book a surprise window seat for her this weekend.
Yeah, I worked as a server, too. I wouldn’t personally be able to request a different table or maybe see it as worth pushing for. I also don’t think it was wrong of OP’s wife to request that table? As a server, I would’ve kept trying to accommodate their initial request. Women also being called difficult has a long history…
Idk.
Ya to me this is almost a “it’s not what you said, it’s how you said it” type situation…
You meant “our night would be good regardless of where we sat.” You said “let’s not be difficult.”
There’s a difference. Also, just because you don’t think it wasn’t a slight doesn’t mean she wasn’t hurt by it. You don’t get to decide what upsets her.
Another thing. The wife made the reservation. She found the restaurant, probably checked the cost on the menu, looked up pictures, saw the view, made the reservation, noted the request for the window. So she’s spent some effort on this already. She may have picked that more expensive restaurant for that view.
It sucks when you do all that and don’t get what you tried to reserve. A small amount of assertiveness to see if it can be corrected is not being difficult. And it’s annoying when your partner strolls into the situation and “doesn’t care” and tells you not to be difficult.
Basically, she did all of the emotional/mental labor and then he belittled that with, “Let’s not be difficult.” Honestly, if my husband spoke to me in the 3rd person like that, in this situation, I would be extremely unhappy.
YTA
Why does your wife being assertive of something she wanted automatically make her difficult.
I know my husband would’ve been right up there with me questioning why the restaurant hadn’t followed through with a simple (evidently available) request, not attacking my character.
Seems like an odd reaction for a supposed loved one on date night to take?
I was expecting your wife to be difficult but she wasnt. Yta. She was assertive. If you have daughters please make sure they learn that skill from her and remind them that no person should take it awat
Your wife asserted herself to the wait staff to get something she had requested. What about this was “difficult?”
You decided that you weren’t fussed about it so you went on then to assert that she shouldn’t be either. You do realize that your wife is her own person, right? That she is allowed to have feelings about something and assert herself without being judged for it? As it is, she made the reservations, not you.
YTA.
I was a bit on the fence about this but soft YTA. Firstly, she arranged it, you didn’t. Secondly, she wasn’t being difficult, she was ensuring the correct arrangements were being made in an entirely sensible and non-confrontational manner. Thirdly, she had enough emotional reserves to put aside your comment and ensure you had a good time. It’s more that you don’t see an issue with your approach that slides this into AH territory.
YTA. “…let’s not be difficult.” You were 100% saying your wife was being difficult and criticizing her. You did not say, “Our night will be good regardless of where we sit because we are together.” That is completely different. Why are your wife’s “wants” unimportant to you? Why did you criticize her for speaking up when the restaurant did not follow-up on (1) her initial request, and (2) promise to move you if a table became available.