We’re having a very small civil ceremony. We found a last-minute venue opening for $500 for a few hours. We only had about a month’s notice and plan to do something larger later when we can actually save and plan. This just ended up being a couple hundred dollars more than the courthouse.
We invited 10 people total. Just parents, siblings, and our closest friends. The venue includes 5 people for free and then charges per person after that. We also booked a private dinner afterward that’s billed per person. There are no kids’ meals, and kids over 3 are charged full price.
Somehow, this turned into people assuming they could bring their kids, their partner, or even their situationship. One invite very quickly turns into 3–5 people, and suddenly what was supposed to be a tiny civil ceremony is starting to look and cost like a full wedding.
I am being told we should have kids at both weddings, and dates of family I have never met. I offered that at our next wedding we will include the option for people with children to pay a per-child fee to cover their ceremony cost, food, liability insurance and nannies on site to handle any screaming kids. Now everyone is offended. "What if we don’t pay that?" Well obviously there is going to be security at an event were paying a lump sum to ENJOY.
What gets me is that when I host other events, like Galantine’s or Halloween Spooky Dinners, pool parties, I explicitly ask people to leave their men and kids at home and no one questions it. Now because I want my wedding to be my vision, Im being a called a Bridezilla.
EDIT TO ADD:
We got the venue offer Monday, it’s been three days and this spread like fire. The invitations are still printing at my local walmart.
I announced it with, our what was going to be a civil ceremony got the chance to be done at a much nicer venue, this is our invite list. \*list of ten people\* and only the people listed as this is still our civil ceremony.
I did clarify that I would not want children at either wedding. It was the pushback of the "well I already told them they couldn’t go to this one, but they can to the next one." I explained costs per head at venue, seating, catering.. so, my kids should be there.
INFO: this turned into people assuming they could bring their kids, their partner, or even their situationship. One invite very quickly turns into 3–5 people, and suddenly what was supposed to be a tiny civil ceremony is starting to look and cost like a full wedding. – How did you word your invitation and your RSVP card?
. I offered that at our next wedding we will include the option for people with children to pay a per-child fee to cover their ceremony cost, food, liability insurance and nannies on site to handle any screaming kids. Now everyone is offended. – Also I will add this… telling people they have to pay to come to your wedding is a bad idea… just say it’s child free…
I feel like this is an important point. Feelings can easily be hurt over false entitlement or assumptions.
YTA
You’re doing it wrong. Contact all your invitees and tell them you want a small ceremony with no extra people and child free
Don’t try to charge them
It’s as simple as that
You just need to be explicit about who, precisely, is invited to the first wedding.
As for the second wedding – telling people to pay to bring their kids is firmly YTA territory. Either make the event child-free or pay for kids yourself.
Agreed
It shouldn’t be a big deal to say that the legal ceremony is going to be just the 10 people. That’s simple.
But, to tell people that they shouldn’t worry about the rest of their people not being able to participate in the first wedding because they’ll get a chance later, and then making that only true if they pay an unnamed sum for the honor is pretty appalling.
YTA. Instead of telling people they need to pay for their kids, put your foot down about no extra bodies. Explain that you aren’t inviting any extra people and you are definite about this. Your invitations are only for your parents, siblings, and closest friends.
OP hasn’t even gotten to sending out the invites but was talking in a group chat where everyone started telling her that their kid could be this or that for her and they were bringing this person or that person.
Just tell them no. They don’t get to assume they can bring other people. Don’t open this up by offering to let them pay when you don’t actually want the extra people.
Sounds like you were not completely clear with your guests about the parameters of the invite…basically, you caused this situation.
That makes YTA.
YTA. It’s either no kids, or you, as the host, pay for the kids.
Say no, it’s pretty easy and far less tacky than charging admission.
ESH. Elope and do a proper reception on the later date. Don’t invite anyone to a civil ceremony; your sets of parents if you must. Everyone else can take a hike. If they feel left out; good, they’re not your parents.