I (28F) was out a bar the other night with a few friends (men and women). One of our guy friends brought along his friend. At some point through the night we started talking about careers and such, his friend is a cop.
We were talking about his job and the stories he has and we started discussing partners. He made a throwaway comment about how he obviously respects women in the force and it’s great etc, but he feels like he’s safer partnered with a male cop.
His reasoning was that physically the men will be more capable of backing him up if things were to go wrong etc. That immediately rubbed me the wrong way so I started debating him on it. I said that they go through the same vetting process, same training, same field evaluations. They’re literally held to the same standard. If the department trusts them to do the job, I don’t understand why he thinks he knows better.
It went back and forth for a bit and he doubled down saying it was just a reality. At that point I told him if that’s what he genuinely believes then he’s in the wrong line of work, and that his mindset says more about him being a bad cop and partner than it does about any woman. He got pretty annoyed and the conversation died down after.
Now my friend is saying I embarrassed him, that he brought his friend out for some fun and I ruined the vibe, was rude and was an asshole for talking to him like that and making it personal. I don’t regret saying it but it has a couple of our friends pretty divided, some taking his side others taking mine.
So AITA for that?
NTA he sounds like the cops we all lowkey worry about approaching
*I’m not saying he is because I don’t know him* but I wouldn’t be surprised if he is a “well what were you wearing?” cop.
NTA. He brought it up, he created the whole conversation. It isn’t up to you to censor your genuine thoughts just because he chose to introduce such a topic. That’s on him.
NTA, deserved to be taken down a peg
NTA and it sounds like you’ve found out who’s not worth keeping as a friend in your current group to boot.
NTA. Sexist BS like this needs to be called out, not normalized.
NTA. Cops deserve shame. Misogyny deserves shame
NTA. when one makes comments like that, they open themselves up for humiliation. tell you friend HIS FRIEND chosen to move the subject there and you just engaged in it, and maybe don’t bring a cop to hang out again.
NTA. This is all just sexist bullshit to the point he’s not even giving woman a chance to prove otherwise, (not surprising in this society.)
From a retired cop – the guy is an asshole.
NTA
>His reasoning was that physically the men will be more capable of backing him up if things were to go wrong etc.
And yet countless videos of cops seem to show they are less physically capable than average.
Let’s not even discuss the fact that “backup” in modern policing seems to mean “shoot anything that moves.”
He chose to make that comment. He shouldn’t dish it out if he can’t take it.
> talking to him like that and making it personal.
But it’s not personal when men make gendered/sexist comments in mixed company. Ok.
NTA.
NTA. You held him accountable to his passive misogyny.
The PT standards aren’t the same actually
Also regardless of this, the standards are **the minimum** requirement.
Just because two individuals are being held to the same minimum standard **does not** mean those two individuals are *equally capable*. Everyone using that reasoning as a basis for their argument is making a massive logical fallacy.