My(15f) friend Sally(15f) recently found out about her being the surviving twin of twin to twin transfusion syndrome. She is an only child. She really didnt seem to have emotional attachment to the fact and actually joked around about it with many of her friends. (insert "I have the strength of a grown man and a baby" Dwight Schrute meme) Twins came up in a bio class in which Sally wasnt there. So i told the teacher about this unique situation i had learnt about. The class spent a good 10 mins discussing it.
Sally found out (i told her) and got really disturbed. She said she has always felt the need for a sibling growing up and it finally made sense to her and felt a sense of grief for the lost twin. Now she had to deal with about 20 people talking about it. I said sorry coz i didnt know it was meant to be a secret-ish.
However, me and my friends called bagona on the grief and "always wanted sibling" part of it. She cant mourn someone she never knew and was literally never born. I felt like she was making mountain of molehill and said as much. She got really offended and i do feel bad about that now. So anyway, reddit, Am i the AH?
edit : i said "one of my friends…", classmates added 2 plus 2 and figured it was sally coz some people did already know about it and they also know i am close to sally.
YTA
If you didn’t mention your friend by name, then you’re fine. You’re allowed to mention something you learned about, no need to mention your source.
YTA- you could have gone about it without saying names. Its not your story to tell, but if it came up, you didnt have to make it so everyone knew who you were talking abou
YTA from top to bottom.
……bagona? What is bagona?
Was that…supposed to be bologna?
YTA you don’t discuss the private life of your friend with other people if the friend is not present. It is not your business. Unless you want your friend to discuss your private and sexy life on class when you’re not there.
YTA. As far as her mourning it? Look into some twin stories. Twins are psychically connected in ways science doesn’t even understand.
YTA, you can’t police HER experience.
YTA.
You’re not the AH for talking about it without her permission, as she didn’t tell you it was off limits, but YTA for invalidating her feelings. When she said she felt incomplete without siblings and you blew her off as BS, that is very AH. Go apologize
YTA. You do NOT get to tell somebody elses story and then judge them for being upset about it. You’re only 15, so I’ll give you some grace, but you absolutely can mourn somebody you never knew/someone who never was. Grief is a complex emotion, and telling her that she was essentially feeling things wrong was out of line. I hope you do all the growing up you need.
YTA
If you EVER talk about what happened to someone else ALWAYS do it as “I know someone who…”
Especially if the other people know the person it happened to.
And grief can be odd.
Infertile people can grieve the lack of children, etc
It depends.
Did you say in class: “There’s this thing I learned about recently”
Or did you say
“There’s this thing Sally had …”
Because if you never identified her and just discussed the topic, you’re not the asshole at all.
YTA…and you owe your friend an apology. This was not your story to share.
Be a better friend