Hello,
I (22F) got into my first relationship with my girlfriend (20F), and it’s been fragile lately. We’ve been arguing almost daily, and most of the time it’s me staying up all night soothing her, but I haven’t received that same care back.
Today, my friends and I were discussing misogyny and I brought up an old ex best friend. We’ll call him Duke. Duke and I were best friends for around seven years until last July. He’s from an extremely famous family, and now I mention him more as lore than because I miss him. Early on, I told my girlfriend that when we were 15 he liked me for a week, but I’m fully gay and never liked him back. She said she felt uncomfortable and didn’t want me bringing him up again, so I didn’t. Once, she even sent me a meme of her friends laughing at him and I laughed with her.
During today’s conversation, I remembered what he did and how I never got closure. I’m still friends with his ex, and she says he hasn’t changed. He left me stranded in London when we were meant to meet (I live four hours away and travelled to see him). He hyped it up “I can’t wait to see you, I love you” then ghosted me. I cut him off immediately. He treats women badly, cheats, treated my friend badly, and continues to. Talking about misogyny pushed me to send him a paragraph explaining how he hurt me and that he can’t keep treating women like that without consequences. It was impulsive and about closure. I blocked him right after and didn’t intend to reopen anything. I was angry and scared he’d keep hurting people. I admit it probably shouldn’t have been sent.
As soon as I sent it, I told my girlfriend. I never want to hide anything. She said it proved I don’t care about her or her feelings. Because he liked me briefly years ago, she feels texting him was disrespectful to our relationship. I understand it wasn’t the healthiest way to handle my emotions, but I don’t see how sending that message and blocking him means I’m reopening a romantic door. I was hurt, and so are others. My intention was to call out harmful behavior, not reignite anything. I apologised for not considering her feelings and explained my intentions without getting defensive.
She said I reopened a door, that he doesn’t care and will laugh at me, and that I disrespected her and our already fragile relationship. Recently, we argued because she was inconsiderate, and I stayed up until 5am reassuring her I wouldn’t leave over that mistake. Now I’m being left on read.
Am I the asshole for texting him?