Throwaway because my main reddit account is linked to all my socials.
So yesterday I was doing last minute shopping and I saw a former friend. She and her husband came to greet me and the first thing she noticed was my hair. Now I need to preface this. I’m a black woman and she’s white. I haven’t spoken to her since 2014. The last time she saw me (when we were both in college, and we also went to high school together) I had my hair straightened with a relaxer. I’ve been natural for two years. She goes "Hey (my name here)!" And then she reached over and tried to touch my hair. I leaned back quickly and was like "No no we don’t do that" and then tried to redirect by asking her how she’s doing. When she saw me leaning back she tried to reach for my hair again. Again I leaned away and this time I took a step back and said "Please don’t touch my hair." Firm and to the point. This girl literally attempted yet again before I had to swat her hand away (I didn’t make contact with her hand don’t worry) and then she was like "Why won’t you let me touch your hair? It looks so soft!" And then tried to touch my hair AGAIN! I felt so disrespected that I just blew up. I said "B***h! Stop trying to touch my gd hair! If you wanna say hi then say hi, other than that stop trying to touch me!" She got upset and told me I was being mean and didn’t know how to take a joke and then left. Her husband told me I could have just went along with it. And I told him "Well would you like it if people wanted to touch your penis all the time?" He got mad and left. A few shoppers saw the whole exchange and we all agreed that she was acting weird, so i felt justified. I finished shopping and went home to vent to my husband and he thought the whole thing was funny and said maybe I could have handled it better. I’ve slept on it and keep replaying the interaction in my mind and maybe he is right. AITA?
Nta. you don’t ever touch someone anywhere without permission.
NTA. Maybe you could’ve handled it better, but maybe she shouldn’t have tried to touch you three times. That’s very weird of her.
NTA. You told her three times not to touch you. She was 100% out of line.
NTA. Sometimes we mess up the first time and do something unconsciously without really thinking it through.
But to go back for a FOURTH TIME after getting rejected??? She’s not just tone deaf. She’s flagrant.
NTA at all. You made it incredibly clear that you did not want her to touch you or your hair and she continued to try to disrespect that – she’s the AH. Here’s the thing: we white women know better. She absolutely knows that it’s disrespectful. I’m sorry that you had to deal with this and the people around the whole situation. You didn’t overreact and you’re absolutely NTA.
NTA
It’s creepy that they kept trying to touch you. & you haven’t seen them in 10+ years too.
NTA. It’s never okay to touch someone without permission. And white people touching black hair without consent is typically considered a microaggression. She was being a weirdo!
NTA. That wasn’t a micro aggression, that was a macro aggression
NTA, what an obnoxious person, She needed that blasting and she’ll need the one she’s going to get when she tells the story hoping for sympathy in the presence of normal people.
NTA: That woman is though. It’s definitely not okay to touch someone else without consent. It’s even worse that you said no numerous times and she still wouldn’t stop without you having to get upset.
Touching it once, I would MAYBE give her a pass for ignorance (though, it’s 2025, she should know better)
But once anyone indicates that they don’t appreciate a touch of any kind, then you should back off!
But touching people’s hair in general needs to be a thing that stops. I really don’t like when people mess with my hair just because they want to touch it or admire it. There’s just no reason for it.
NTA. Anyone who says “take a joke” just doesn’t want to take accountability and apologize like an adult. She definitely thinks she can do whatever she wants. Glad you stuck up for yourself, never let someone cross boundaries that you CLEARLY put up.
>”She got upset and told me I was being mean and didn’t know how to take a joke and then left.”
“he thought the whole thing was funny”
Where is the funny part? What’s the joke here? I seriously don’t get it.
NTA at all.
You gave a non-verbal warning, a verbal warning, and a physical warning before blowing up at your “friend”. I don’t see how you could have handled it better other than grabbing her hand and throwing it away. I also question why your husband finds this funny, but idk, maybe my sense of humor is different.
Queen, you most certainly are NTA! Your ex friend is obnoxious & racist.