(M23) just finished college and currently further educating myself in IT field, currently I am unemployed as I have to finish my military service so I can legally work(as for the place I live in).
My brother (m40) unemployed, didn’t even go to military, always tries to be a good example to me. But I don’t respect him, he always dreams to be rich without work. Always acting like he is wise while in reality he is a man child, he spends his day on phone or TV and see a video on TikTok about a certain topic and acts like he have a degree in it. He didn’t even finish college even after my parents spent thousands for his education. A true example of a loser.
He always talks to me of how to be successful in life, doesn’t admit he is a loser.
You just throw "empty threats" as a way to talk back to me.
My mother says I am sometimes harsh on him(even she sometimes ask him to find a job), and my sister (f41) just stands with him as he is my older brother she just keeps saying I am the one who have to find a job even if I can’t have "legal agreement" as she even tries to convenience me "working for free is something I have to get used to if I want a real job" which makes me a give her look if she is serious.
I love them both, I have to admit. my brother helps around the house and Tries to be useful, while my sister is kind but she is an idiot and sides with my brother.
My family is kind at heart but non of them would admit they made mistakes that put their heads in the mud and expect me to follow them.
So AITA?
NTA.
Your family is a piece of work lol
YTA.
Why do you think your brother is going to admit he’s a loser? Like what? This is such an easy situation to avoid. Talk to friends about this and leave your mother, sister out of it. They are probably going hard to defend him because you’re so critical. Just ignore him. Don’t take his advice and go low contact if you’re so bothered. If he helps your mom around the house, that’s their arrangement. Focus on yourself. And in the future, don’t offer financial support. Those are the things you can control.
You sound very bitter and you should really look into that with a therapist. We all have that know-it-all relative. They won’t change, so why get yourself worked up?
Now if he is doing something to harm either your mother or your sister, that is a different story. For now, get your work status sorted and move on with your life.
I got you, but I used to help them financially in way or other that’s why I am bitter with him.
Ah, I see. Totally understandable, we’ve all been there. Protect your peace, the best you can and don’t allow the anger to wreck your life or your mental health. You’re just wiser now and know that you will not be offering any more financial support going forward, as he’s burned that bridge.
Yeah I guess if I could find a way with taking all my belongings from him in a way or another then after that I will pretend I never lived with them. Thank you for the advice tho, I think I knew that already but I needed someone to say it straight to me
With an 18-year age difference it’s likely that you grew up with different standards compared to your sister because your parents were in a very different place in life….. Just trash them to your friends and therapist…
Trash talking is never ok, so regardless of your frustrations, YTA.
Yeah, no offense but imagine being called a loser for something you are don’t have hands on and someone else choose to be one.
I financially used to support my family until I ran out of money just to help them out and in return I get something like “you should be grateful that we allowed you to help us”
YTA: i’m having trouble finding where your family is wrong. They may not have the smartest takes in the world, but you can just ignore them and not trash talk them. It doesn’t sound like they’re calling you stupid or doing anything bad to you, so why are you trash talking them? It sounds like they’re just trying to give you advice, bad advice, but advice.
I will, however, say that it was kind of hard to follow your post because of the run-on sentences and grammar stuff. I’m using a screen reading software so basically I’m trying to listen to a robot voice explain all of this so I might be a little turned around.
Yeah sorry if my English isn’t that good I understand, I work on improving it.
The whole idea is my brother is a loser and he believes he is successful, and my family just convene me to respect his because “he is my older brother”
YTA. Not finishing a college degree does not make you a loser.
My point is not finishing the college degree, yeah some people can get into a lot of struggles.
My point is imagine you spend thousands of dollars (in today’s economy it’s around 100k which could be alot for most people including my family) just to support your son in college and after that much he just refused to continue and decided to “live his own life in your house” and 20 years later he have no achievements in life and blames everyone instead
YTA. Why are you trash talking them? What good is it doing? You are simply trying to shame people who are kind and you claim to love. Love is shown by how you behave. Behave like a loving family member. Your post is a rant and makes you sound like a reflexive complainer, not someone who can self-reflect. Maybe you fit right into the family more than you realize — but without the kindness.