I got this friend yeah? Seems like everyday they engage is some form of self deprecating behavior on FB. I asked if they’re seeing a therapist. The friend told me, defensively, that they’re seeing a therapist and taking medication. I told them I only asked because they seem to be self-loathing a lot, and it may be beyond my capabilities of external validation–as in it may not be enough to get them to love themselves. Then they told me they know they’re broken. I responded by telling them I don’t think they should view their problems and themselves as one in the same. They just got some things to work through, and that the fact that they’re making the effort to figure themselves out in the first place should be celebrated as a form of self-improvement. Moments later, I’m seeing them post in all caps that a guy just told them to love themselves more, which made them feel worse and that they don’t feel safe around men. Wtf did I do?
NTA, she is just looking for an abusive friend/relationship.
NTA – i had a friend like this and I had to take space because ever interaction was like this. Some people are just really struggling and unfortunately because of that it’s very difficult for them to get out of that spot. Since it’s so difficult, they become saturated in being a victim to their circumstances – that’s not victim blaming at all – but i just mean in the sense that they don’t bother to try and change things they can control. Like being more positive and self compassionate as you suggested. Some people are just not ready to be positive yet – but it’s not a reflection on you at all dude. It’s just a lesson a lot of us learn in these friendships ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
NTA. Your friend isn’t in a place where they’re wanting help or willing to listen. Or they’re just looking for attention that’s blowing sunshine.
Any of these things are possible. Other things are too. It sounds like you were making an effort to be supportive and thoughtful, and they don’t wanna hear it.
I would suggest taking a long step back – if this person is doing this every day? It’s beyond you in a lot of ways.
Unfortunately, you just gave your “friend” another reason to dramatise his situation. Step back.
You aren’t an ah, but as you say, you are not a professional. Maybe leave this type of situation alone.
I had a friend like this in college and had to drop her.
She was draining and as much as external validation was a need for her, the one coming from her friends was not enough for her to feel better and the one from outside was just like a rush because nobody is going to validate you everyday.
She needed therapy and I needed to be away from an emotional vampire.
Hope she’s doing better.
I mean I don’t think you really did anything wrong, but in the situations like this can be really difficult to see somebody struggling. It sounds like you wanted to help her. You could’ve asked her what she needed to instead of assuming she wanted to your validation advice.
I definitely don’t think you’re an asshole for caring or making the assumptions that you did that she wanted help, but it sounds to me like she’s venting… Trying to externalize what she is feeling.
I don’t think she’s looking for validation or solutions, she’s looking for a witness to her pain
And it’s OK not to want to do that.
For what it’s worth, when you’re feeling like that, being told to love yourself can feel empty at best again I know it’s not your intent… You didn’t do anything wrong. You just didn’t understand what she wants
NTA…. the vapid attention from a dramatic social media post is going to keep them from honest conversations with people who try to reach out and be supportive, like yourself. Unfortunately, your friend just isn’t in the place to take accountability for what is in their control and like others have suggested, maybe take a step back. However, also be prepared that this person may also at some point use the ‘space’ to make another social media post that continues to show disconnect between what they’re actually feeling and the conversations you may have with them
I think it depends on how this conversation came up. You have made this all sound like you were just being a really helpful friend, people like to make themselves look better then sometimes the whole story would tell. Your friend’s take away was that you think they need to love themselves more. That would seem like it should have come from a very deep conversation. So if you were already talking about your lives and you offered this as a helpful insight, then NTA. However if this was a text you just sent out of the blue criticizing their online persona without as much explanation as you’ve said, then YTA.
NTA your friend doesn’t seem like they want to take advice from others just try and leave it to a professional though because I had a friend like this, and this stuff can go out of proportion