I a 21M as i am writing this post today is my birthday, i don’t make a big deal about birthdays since i was 12 after a terrible experience on my 12th birthday which was not so great on every level. since i was 12 no birthday celebrations and my family was okay with that decision of mine as they were also not so keen on birthdays after i turned 11. today i went to my friend’s house, lets call him Sam to study for tomorrow’s semester exam along with another friend and lets call him Yann. we were studying for the exam and i told friend a friend to take my phone and open a chat to get the last exam question paper for reference and he saw that it was my birthday in that chat that chat was of a classmate who remembers by birthday since we are only a few days apart in terms of the birthday. Sam saw it and asked me if it was my birthday and i said yes, he immediately created an instagram story with a bunch of photos and posted that it was my birthday while i insisted that i don’t want him to do that. Yann joined in on it and reposted Sam’s story. The wishes started to come in and i replied it to them and we studied for a couple of hours. Then they planned a day out after the next day’s exam regarding my birthday and i reluctantly agreed and though im just hanging out with friends and it ain’t a big deal. we studied for a few more hours and Yann and I left, while leaving i told Sam’s mom that i have not celebrated my birthday since i was 12 as she asked me what i was doing studying today and not celebrating my birthday. when Yann dropped me off at my house, Sam called Yann and said to return to his house to celebrate my birthday because Sam’s dad bought a cake for me to cut and share with everyone. I told him that it isn’t necessary as i don’t celebrate birthdays anymore and Yann needs to get home himself and can’t drive me around for celebrating a birthday. Sam said they can’t do anything with the cake as it has my name and birthday wishes, i said simply wipe it off and eat it as a family and apologize to Sam’s dad for me and hung up the call after he said that its fine. Yann said it is common courtesy to show up since Sam’s dad bought me a cake and i disagreed saying i didn’t want any of it since morning, they instagram story, tomorrow’s meet up and today’s cake. AITA for turning down the chance to celebrate my birthday.
NTA. Birthdays are a sore subject for some people and if you weren’t mentioning it to anyone, they should have picked up that there may be a reason why. It’s great that you have friends that want to celebrate with you, but they shouldn’t force this stuff on you if you aren’t okay with it.
NTA. People need to listen to each other and respect how people feel about certain things. I don’t understand grown adults who get giddy on their birthdays. I get excited about certain days, but not that particular day. I don’t try to ruin it for other people, always say “happy birthday,” and give gifts where appropriate. I don’t tell people when my birthday is. This also helps me to ward off those astrology people.
I really need to hear the traumatic birthday story when you were 12…
it is nothing much, my dad always bought me a new set of clothes for my birthday and on the day before my 12th birthday he said, “do we really need to celebrate your birthday?”. the usual routine for a birthday in our family is 2 sets of brand new clothes one for school and one when you return home and get ready to cut the cake. we had no cake that year and i went and bought a one set of clothes that i didn’t really like very much along with 2 boxes of chocolate bars to share with the students in my class and teachers. the shirt i was wearing had shades of brown and it was rainy during November anyway. so my friend thought i got splashed with mud when i was coming to school. the chocolate bars i bought to share had mold in them and had bumps on them that caused an uneasy feeling to anyone who saw or touched it. the class dustbin was filled with half opened chocolate bars that i gave everyone and people complained why give such things on my birthday. i didn’t want an ugly shirt and rotten chocolates for my birthday and since then birthdays are not something i want myself to have and started seeing it as any other day.
NTA but if it’s important enough to u to be adamantly against celebration that’s probably something u should tell those u consider ur friends ahead of time
i said don’t post my birthday as a story to Sam over and over and practically begged him to not do so, he even went so far as to tell my crush that i was waiting for her to wish me. my friends know that i don’t care for my birthday but they make a big deal out of it anyway.
NTA – although I’m confused AF as to how this topic hasn’t come up before now if y’all are friends?
it has on multiple occasions, for my 20th birthday no one knew that it was my birthday till 4:00PM and Sam visited my house and i just laughingly said that the only person who wished me on my birthday was my grandpa and he immediately posted a story about my birthday which drew attention from random classmates that i haven’t talked to for months. this isn’t the first time for Sam and he is the only one to blow the horn on such things
NTA, I turned off the Facebook notifications telling people its my birthday. Literally every other day out of the year everyone on there never messages me or checks up on me so why would I want them saying happy birthday then going back to acting like I dont exist. More or less same with my family. I pretty much told them to not bother messaging me on my birthday and to treat it like they do every other day of the year and not talk to me
NTA. You’ve clearly set a boundary about birthdays for years, and it’s totally okay to stick to it. Your friends meant well, but forcing a celebration on you isn’t respecting your choice. Cake or no cake, you get to celebrate (or not) however you want.
NTA. My husband feels the exact same way you do about birthdays. He doesn’t really enjoy being the center of attention, and he has a few bad memories of family trauma at birthday parties.
However, my family loves him to pieces. No way in heck was my mother and my two aunts going to let his birthday go unnoticed. They don’t make it a big deal, but there’s always a cake and cards. When my cousins and my nephew were younger, it was sweet to see the homemade cards that they had made for their uncle.
But– they always let him know in advance, and also ask what flavor cake he would like this year. He has had to learn that sometimes the birthday celebration is about the people who love you wanting to show up for you.
Once we had our child, and our child was old enough to understand birthdays, I’ve had to tell him “suck it up. The kid loves his daddy, and wants to express how much he loves you.”
So we don’t have huge blowout parties, but, his birthday does get celebrated in a manner in which he enjoys and has agreed to in advance.
Your friend and his dad should have at least given you notice and cleared it with you instead of trying to force the issue. They made your birthday about their wants.
Yes, YTA. Get some therapy to overcome whatever happened when you were 12. Part of being social with people is celebrating milestones… if you can’t do that you’re either a) not going to have friends or b) have miserable “womp womp” Debbie downer friends who sit around and complain all day
NTA.
It was thoughtful of your friend and their dad who bought the cake.
Instead of acknowledging your birthday, you choose to remain in the negativity that you associate with it regarding your father’s comment.
Someday, the activities associated with your bday were going to come to an end.
Brown clothing and moldy candy, while unfortunate, was a moment in time.
Make your own birthday memories. If you choose not to, that’s okay, but your friends may want to celebrate you, as a person, in their lives.
I don’t celebrate my birthday but I do take off from work. If I wanted to do something, I would say so. It’s just another day, but it’s my day.
Your friends and their family like you and just wanted to do something nice to celebrate you, just you.