I (F, 22) have a cousin (F, 40+) who lives in another country but still keep on bugging me to create cover letters for her husband. I already made her husband a resume and five cover letters but she keep on asking me to create more for other companies. I said the last file I sent was the last one but she doesn’t take me seriously. I used to cater to her needs back then. I helped her kids answer their assignments, I was the one who wrote emails to immigration officers, process their Visa, and even made resumes for her and her husband to have their first job in the country they move in. I thought it will end when they finally settled down to that country but it didn’t. She kept calling me, demanding me to do things for her and her family. It’s fucking exhausting. I feel like I’m their secretary or person assistant for free. I’m thinking of ignoring her from now on but I feel bad at it and to be honest, I’m a little people pleaser.
Will I be the asshole?
+ I just remembered that a few years ago, my parents asked this cousin of mine and her husband to lend us money because we were struggling financially back then. They lent us money but charged us a huge interest like a loan shark. My parents settled their loan from them but they still gossiped about my parents around the neighborhood and even threw lots of veiled remarks. I remembered my parents were so stressed that time and they even cut us off from the family by not inviting us to their kid’s birthday. This is history already but thinking about it now, I feel upset about it.
NTA. Just be “too busy” to help.
Unfortunately, she has used your willingness to help to create a dependency on you to do quite a bit of the heavy lifting for her and her family. There comes a time to simply tell family that you are unable to do so.
set boundaries or they will drain you
NTA from the title alone. I pity her children as they all get older.
NTA.
If she’s desperate for you to help (and if you decide to carry on helping her), I would rebuttal that you’ll do so as long as she pays you an hourly rate – that _you_ agree to.
Not the asshole. Learn the power of the word “no” and setting healthy boundaries.
NTA in the slightest. You can also suggest she use AI to do some of these tasks. It’s surprisingly good at creating cover letters and resumes.
There are plenty of online resources and templates readily available for your cousin’s husband to do this himself. He needs to stop relying on her to rely on you to do his work for him.
You’re NTA but rather than ignore her you need to be more firm with your *I said No.*
>I’m a little people pleaser.
Please yourself above those who take advantage of you with no return.
NTA. You’re not their personal assistant or unpaid legal aid. Seeing as they need constant support, they should find and pay for both.
NTA – I would politely ask when she is hoping to settle up with you for all the professional services you have supplied then whe she refuses you can turn it back to her
NTA. Learn to stand up for yourself now or people will take advantage of you for the rest of your life.
“Expecting me to create cover letter after cover letter is unsustainable. I have reached my limit as far as the help I am able to offer. I do not want to cut contact with you, but will do so if you ask me to create another document. I love you and respect you enough to be honest about my feelings – please show love and respect to me in return by taking this request seriously.”
NTA as a recovering people pleaser. I totally understand you. I used to feel guilt whenever I said no to someone who is close to me.
But you’re doing the right thing. You set the boundary and be very firm about it. It will get easier over time.
NTA. Tell her to just use an earlier cover letter and revise it herself to incorporate any changes or personal information. Tell her you no longer provide clerical help to family members.
No is a complete sentence.
NTA. “No, I don’t have the time.” And stick to that.