My friends and I are a group of 5-6 people and we play games together hangout do all the jazz but I recently overheard person A say that person B has used the n word.. I have never heard them say it but it made me uncomfortable as I’d never use that word I am a POC so it freaked me out to say the least. Person B shows up the same night and uses the “f” word the derogatory word used against gay men.. I am part of the queer community so this saddens me a lot. I decided to leave the group chat without notice as I don’t see person B changing their ways anytime soon. I felt like I had to unfriend all of them because they’re somehow connected either siblings or friends plus it would be so awkward to hang with some of them and exclude person B. I spoke to another person in the group in hopes they’d understand and see why I was bothered by the comments only to then find out he also uses the n word.. they’re confused and panicking as to why I suddenly dropped them but I can’t be friends with someone who is racist. AITO? I feel like a villain for unfriending them
I can’t be around with racists and neither should you. Just leave and don’t bother to explain. Don’t look back, just go forward. Be polite but distant to your soon to be former friends.
If they feel comfortable just openly talking about they are all terrible never talk to these people again they suck
NTA
NTA. You did the right thing. In life, there will be moments where abiding by your morals makes you feel alienated. But trust me, slowly people will come in to your life that align with your values.
I would say be careful about hearsay (I was targeted by this exact kind of lie back in 5th or 6th grade), but *you* literally heard him drop a slur, and the others indicated they’ve either done the same or at least tolerate it, so nah, you’re NTA at all. Better off without these losers.
NTA.
I swear some OPs are such people pleasers that they’ll make posts like “I stopped talking to a serial killer. AITA?”. I couldn’t even be friends with someone who swears like a sailor, it’s just vulgar. You don’t have to be friends with everyone mate.
Racism is gross. Hate is ugly. You did the right thing.
“I feel like a villain for unfriending them”
Why on earth would you feel like a villain leaving these boorish people behind? They obviously know you are a POC and part of the queer community, so for any of them to use the language they are apparently comfortable with shows no concern for you in the least. You are far better without them.
They were not your friends, so you have lost nothing. You will, however, gain peace of mind by not being verbally assaulted and insulted by these exceptionally insensitive people.
NTA. You deserve much, much more in life. Don’t settle. Those you left behind are racist and homophobic. Good riddance!
NTA. You can’t just let that stuff slide.
Being racist has its consequences and you showed them that. Thank you for standing up to these people. Nta.
NTA for leaving.
Although if it were me, I would send one last message to the group:
“I have witnessed one person in this group using a homophobic slur, I have heard an allegation that the same person used a racist slur, and I have witnessed another person using the same racist slur. I don’t wish to be part of a group where this is tolerated. So I’m leaving.”
Then I’d leave, and if anyone gives me a hard time privately, I’d block them.
Sending this last message will (a) inform the bystanders why you left so that they are no doubt, and (b) hopefully prick their consciences so that they will take a stand as well.
Note that my message says nothing about whether I am a POC or a member of the queer community. Because I don’t think that matters. *Everyone* should consider calling out such behavior and saying “I’m not going to tolerate this”. It shouldn’t be left solely up to members of a marginalized or oppressed group to shoulder the entire load of fighting against bigotry.
But you would be NTA if you simply think “I can’t fight every single battle; I just want to leave.” It does get tiring. And you don’t actually owe them any explanation.
NOPE! DIDNT EVEN NEED TO READ IT! NTA!
NTA. However if you were close with the members of the group who hadn’t heard this or witnessed the behaviour, you might try letting them know why you’ve left the group (if you value those friendships enough, if not then no). They might have no idea that persons B and C use that language and have made you not want to be a part of that group anymore due to their racist and homophobic language, and if they are decent people they’ll drop B & C like a sack of spuds. I got the impression person A wasn’t ok with it either if he is talking about it, but obviously you’d know yourself whether it’s the case.