So my daughter (alias Mara) is having a birthday party this Sunday and a friend (alias Zena) that she regularly speaks about and is always playing with whenever it’s pick up time, is having hers on the Saturday. The child in question’s mother and I have been on decent terms but it’s still preschool so we all have our feelers out. I would’ve thought my daughter would be invited to Zena’s party but I found out through another mom that Zena was having a party a day before ours.
For context. I sent out invites the same day (exact date being Jan 7) she did, according to another mom, but I only got a response from her a day later stating that she and Zena would be there and that they are excited. Don’t get me wrong she absolutely has every right to invite who she wants to her daughter’s birthday party but I know my daughter speaks very fondly of Zena and, when compiling a list of friends to invite, her name would regularly make it to the top. The only problem for me is that my daughter is incredibly sensitive and very intuitive. I don’t know how she’d take it hearing at HER own party that all her friends were at Zena’s party literally the day before. So I gave Zena’s mom these exact reasons and she agreed on the phone but has since launched a smear campaign with all the other moms bad mouthing me.
Some of them are in support, some aren’t. I don’t know. I’m here to find out from the broader community – AITA?
Edit: these aren’t small children. They are 5 turning 6. In my country, they can still be in preschool then.
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ESH. And only cause I’m trusting she smeared you and didn’t just say “you wouldn’t believe this lady uninvited my daughter cause she thinks PRESCHOOLERS will gossip about what they did day before”
But assuming she did cross a line, y’all are being insufferable about this. You should’ve asked politely, calmly if there was any reason why your kiddo didn’t get an invite and been understanding even if you got no reason.
> he only problem for me is that my daughter is incredibly sensitive and very intuitive.
She literally isn’t as evidenced by this current situation which is why its hard for me to trust but I shall, you all suck. These are toddler parties. It shouldnt be all this. These kids will have forgotten all this by Spring.
Never uninvite.
YTA.
Also petty and rude.
You uninvited a preschooler? YTA
How do you solve a problem like Maria?
You let HER decide who she wants at her own party. Presumably she wanted Zena. YTA.
So you uninvited a preschooler? YTA.
Uninviting the kid won’t stop the other kids from talking about the party, and your daughter is going to eventually find out about this other party she was not invited to. I get your heart was in the right place, but the execution of this plan was just awful. I can see why this other lady is bad mouthing you.
I’m gonna say ESH – you for uninviting that kid and possibly ruining a friendship for your daughter.
The other mom for going around town gossiping about you to other moms. For Christ sakes, you’re both adults. Hand the situation like adults!
Yeah, YTA. Five and six is still a small child. It’s not the mom you’re punishing, it’s the child. And children get hurt very easily. You say your daughter is fond of this girl. Why contribute to the damage of their relationship?
You’re basically punishing your child because you’re angry with the other mom. Yta.
YTA
And likely overthinking it.
Better lesson here would’ve to teach your child that sometimes you don’t get invited. And it’s okay. Teach her how to accept hurt feelings.
YTA. Even if Zena doesn’t come, doesn’t mean other kids wouldn’t discuss it if they wanted. If I were you, I would apologize and blame mama bear instincts, and invite them back or on a play date. These parties should and are about the kids. Not your grown up feelings about it.
YTA- This whole post is riddled with assumptions about the other mom’s actions, intentions, etc and decided to be confrontational about it punishing both your daughter and her friend. If all of your assumptions turned true, then you can only control helping your daughter deal with her thoughts and feelings. This is preschool for gods sake and you are injecting drama into it all. If you came here as a WIBTA everyone would have warned you that it would backfire like it did. All the concern over her feelings over a lack of invite may prompt more lack of invites and kids distancing themselves from her at school. Your drama may create far more issues than there might have been in the first place.
You should be teaching your daughter to do good things without expecting anything in return. Right now you are teaching her that relationships are transactional. It also would have been a good opportunity to teach her that sometimes in the real world, you get excluded from things, and that’s okay.