AITA for using a shampoo my boyfriend (28M) hates the smell of? I (27F) have a favorite shampoo I started using recently and my boyfriend hates the smell of it. To the point if I shower before bed and use it he won’t sleep with me. He goes to the guest room and then gives me the silent treatment the next day. If I’m the asshole I want to know, I will take the responsibility and stop using the shampoo. Just looking for opinions.
UPDATE: thanks for the replies. I suppose it isn’t just the shampoo. It’s 99% of any of the toiletries I try and use. He hates the smell of almost all the products i have tried and loved. I use unscented lotion. I use his deodorant. I use unscented bodywash. He even hates when i wear makeup because of the smell. Shampoo is the only thing i can switch up. No, he doesn’t have an allergic reaction or headaches from it. Just hates the scent. BTW the shampoo isn’t medicated it’s just herbal essences drug store shampoo.
There’s two very different issues here. Are you the AH for using your favorite shampoo? No, not at all. But you are also intentionally using a product that aggressively pushes away someone you’re close with. There are consequences to that. You’re going in with eyes wide open. So long as you’re prepared for the consequences, you do whichever is more important to you. NAH
N A H.
You’re not an AH for using the shampoo.
Your boyfriend isn’t an AH for disliking the smell.
Honestly think you both should talk about it and see if a compromise can be made
EDIT: That edit changed my judgement and take on this, NTA. At this point it’s starting to feel like control. He doesn’t like what toiletries you use unless it’s what he uses. The fact he doesn’t like you wearing makeup because of the smell? At first I thought it was just the shampoo. First is happenstance, second is coincidence, third is a pattern
Honestly this feels way bigger than shampoo. Yeah smells can be annoying, I get that, but straight up banishing himself and then icing you out the next day is wild. That’s not normal conflict behavior. You’re not an AH for liking a product you use on your own body. If it bugs him that much, he should talk about compromises instead of acting like a toddler.
nah
You can use whatever shampoo you want, and he can decide to not be around you if you use once he can’t stand.
Just a different point of view than I’ve seen so far here. I have a sensory processing disorder. I literally canNOT sleep if there are any strong smells. My brain will not shut off. I can’t put a meal in the crockpot at night before I go to bed or I literally won’t sleep all night. I can’t cook bacon too late in the day or clean my bedroom with strong smelling products.
I would definitely need to do something similar if my husband started using a very strong smelling product.
There’s a slight whiff of Iranian yoghurt about here…
He doesn’t like any of your body care products? Including makeup? I call bullshit. Sounds like he likes natural girls and wants to change you. I’d break up because you’re not compatible. I gave up perfume for a partner and I’m still annoyed about it. Nta
I was going to say you were the A, until you updated that it is everything. No makeup, lotion, deodorant, or body wash? As an added bonus he gives you the silent treatment and sleeps in the guest room. Wow, just wow. Where did you find this childish deadweight? “Do as I say or I withhold my presence and won’t talk to you.” I’m extremely sensitive to scents, but I’m not a child about it! NTA! 👩⚖️
> It’s 99% of any of the toiletries I try and use. He hates the smell of almost all the products i have tried and loved. I use unscented lotion. I use his deodorant. I use unscented bodywash. He even hates when i wear makeup because of the smell
NTA. He’s a nutter and he’s trying to control you. What makeup has a smell? God forbid you get a rash and have to use a prescription shampoo, ointment.
Break up.
I’d bet that he’s using the scent thing as a way to control you against using things he doesn’t like you using. I dated a guy that also had an aversion to the scent of makeup and perfume. He admitted after we broke up he only said that because he didn’t want other men attracted to me and he thought those two things would cause that.
If you’re using unscented products, there’s not much else to do here. This relationship sounds doomed even if he’s being genuine about the scent bothering him. I personally could never again date a guy that wont allow me to use self care products.
NTA after seeing the edits. He doesn’t hate the smells—he’s controlling.
Exactly. He’s fine with his Old Spice deodorant (which is VERY strong in my opinion) but can’t stand any of her products?? He just sounds controlling honestly.
NTA
Agree NTA. I get the vibe he doesn’t want her to smell or look nice for others. Or have any sort of self confidence.Jealousy is a bitch.
Honey, big internet sister here.
You HAVE tried. He is being controlling and awful.
Dump the whole man.
NTA