Situation:
My in-laws are paying for our wedding in Chihuahua MX. We have over 200 guests going with only 60/200 people being our direct family or friends.
My in laws moms side of the family is
Chill and i love them despite not knowing them too well. However her grandmother and aunt on the dads went ahead and invited distant cousins, friends, and family we don’t even know.
Now we are in a situation where we are at capacite, and the aunt and grandmother are trying to control where our friends sit and with whom…
I’m scheduled go with my wife down to México early. I’m planning on discussing with her aunt and grandmother that her friends and distant cousins will be uninvited.
Why? Because it’s not their wedding, we are not their children, and we have no fucking clue who her aunt or dads cousins are. We are never going to know or be invited to those weddings or family events.
The aunt is planning on providing the blessed rings, but i feel like we should t be obligated to do whatever she wants with our wedding. It will for sure ruin my relationship with my wife’s dads side of the family, but at the point with my wife finding out she’s pregnant, i don’t want to deal with them or pay for extra tables full of randoms.
Edit for clarification:
My father and mother in law are paying for the venue and food (package) at 11k with max 200 guests.
Any additional seats and tables is approximately 55/head that my wife and i have to pay.
My wife and i are paying for the band, photography, events, and miscellaneous wedding things like the hair, makeup, dress, shoes, decore, guestbook, etc. The greatest expense being the first three.
The aunt and grandmother that are inviting randos aren’t paying for anything.
AITA?
Thank you for your comments, i will most likely coordinate with my mother in law speaking and confronting the aunt in private.
Nta it’s your day and should be celebrated how you want
You’re allowed to do what you want but remember they’re paying for it. They’re not going to let you live it down afterwards .
Sure, you could uninvite them from the wedding, and your in-laws could decide to not pay for it.
Mild ESH. They should have included you in the planning, and you shouldn’t unilaterally override their planning.
For context my mother in law is doing a great Job planning. My wife’s aunt (father in laws sister) came out of nowhere trying to take over because they feel entitled to inviting who ever without telling my mother in law.
You mother in law needs to handle it then. So does your father in law. The people paying are the ones who need to boot the extra guests
YTA. If someone else is paying, you don’t really have much say. It sounds like your friends are still invited but they may not have front row at the reception? Who cares? They won’t know you wanted them closer, and they are still celebrating with you. Its up to your in-laws to say no to extra tables, and they clearly haven’t. If your in-laws are on board with the extended family, then YWBTA if you start making demands when they hold the purse strings. If you want the wedding your way, then say no to outside money and pay for it yourselves.
INFO:
You wrote:
*My in-laws are paying for our wedding in Chihuahua MX*
You also wrote, about these strangers:
*i don’t want to deal with them*
That’s a good enough reason. If I were planning a wedding, I’d be OK with occasional plus-ones that neither I nor my partner have met. But whole tables full of people who are strangers to both of us? No thanks.
*or pay for extra tables full of randoms.*
Whoa, wait. What? But you’re NOT paying! You said your in-laws were paying, which is why they felt that had the right to dictate the guest list!
Can you please clarify?
YTA if you wait until you are in México to disinvite guests. If you don’t want people there, then immediately tell aunt and grandmother that you and your fiancée will decide on the guest list, period. Explain NOW that you are culling the guest list, that they should communicate with anyone whom they have invited that there is no space for them and they should not make plans to attend. Ensure that they appreciate that uninvited guests will not be admitted to the venue. Add that you have the seating plan well in hand, and while you appreciate their desire to help, that it is not necessary.
YTA. “My in-laws are paying for our wedding.” That’s where you lose control. You want to manage the guest list, you have to pay the piper.
YTA
Who’s paying your in laws or you?
Not you.
Tell your fiancee that you are not interested in their wedding and no longer want to attend.
Ynta. Yeah they are paying for some of the wedding, but you clearly said that you pay for extra people. If you don’t want to pay for randoms that you didn’t invite, then that’s that. It may cause tension, but its YOUR wedding lmao.
Whatever happens, your fiancée needs to speak to her parents; they are not your in-laws yet. You need to stay out of this, other than providing your girlfriend with emotional support if she chooses to fight the arrangements that are being made. Her dad should be running interference between the extended family and his daughter. He’s paying, yes?
Is your girlfriend upset? If she is, she should be talking to her parents and demanding a say in seating arrangements. If she’s unwilling to challenge them, you doing so would seem incredibly ungrateful. Don’t get in the middle of your fiancée and her parents. There’s no upside.
You could have 2 celebrations, one for extended family that you don’t pay for; one for close friends that you do. I think you’re resentful that you want to enjoy dancing and an open bar with just people you know and are close to. But it’s your future in-law’s money and technically they can invite anyone they want to celebrate their daughter’s nuptials. Explain the situation beforehand to your friends.
Or call off the big wedding and have a small affordable one where you control the guest list.