Hi Reddit. This is a throwaway. I’ve asked everyone in my life about this and still feel torn, so I’m looking for outside perspective.
TL;DR: I co-founded a creative business with a close friend, but over time the relationship became deeply unbalanced and emotionally unsafe. Repeated attempts to set boundaries failed, my CPTSD worsened to the point of fainting during conflict, and the business now moves forward without my input despite us being co-owners. I need to step away for my health, but I feel guilty because they’re struggling too. AITA?
I (early 20s) am disabled and have CPTSD. I co-founded a creative business with my best friend (early 30s) several years ago. At first we were very close, but over time our lives became deeply intertwined. I spent most of my time at their home, shared finances (not really by choice), and gradually took on household chores because they were overwhelmed and struggling. They also disclosed past trauma, and I tried to support them however I could.
That support slowly became expected. My friend does not work or attend school; the business is their only focus. I was juggling school, part-time work, chronic pain, household duties (both theirs and mine), and most of the business labor. I eventually quit my job and paused school to focus on the business and supporting them. I also became responsible for managing their stress and emotional outbursts.
I value communication and tried many times over the years to address boundaries, workload, and my need for space. Every time, the conversation shifted to how overwhelmed, lonely, or hurt they felt, and my concerns were never resolved. These conversations consistently ended with me having severe trauma responses (hyperventilating, going nonverbal). Even when I asked to pause, they kept pushing. Over time, my body learned that self-advocacy wasn’t safe. My CPTSD worsened to the point where asserting boundaries (even over text) has caused me to faint or nearly faint. At this point, I can’t safely function as a co-owner or friend in the same way.
Despite this, the business continues without my input. Major decisions (events, finances, bringing in new people) are made without consulting me, and I find out afterward. I’ve asked repeatedly for temporary breaks or to slow things down, but those requests were framed as me “abandoning” them.
After therapy and distance, I’ve realized I feel significantly better when I’m not in contact. I still care about them and don’t think they’re malicious, but the dynamic is harming me. I need to step away for my physical and mental health, yet I feel intense guilt because they’re struggling and fear abandonment.
So, AITA for stepping away from my best friend and co-owned business to heal?
NTA. Your health is SO important and you should go no contact. If they were your friend they should want you to prioritize getting better and maybe circling back to the business in the future (or not if you don’t want to). You seem extremely considerate wanting to keep their feelings in mind with your decision, but you need to help yourself this time. You got this! I hope you start getting better soon.
NTA. However, simply stepping away is only going to postpone the problems. It truly sounds like you need to separate from this person completely. Could you get them to buy you out?
That person is definitely not your friend.
You need to step away from them and the business. Consult a lawyer so that they can fight for you to be compensated for all the effort you have invested in the business. Do not engage with that person anymore. NTA