She’s a single mom and I’ve always tried to support her, but lately she’s been calling me last-minute to babysit or canceling on plans because she forgot she scheduled something. I told her I love her but I can’t keep dropping everything for her, and now she’s upset, saying I “don’t understand how hard it is.” I feel guilty, but I also feel like my life matters too. AITA?
NTA. YEah, being a single mum is hard, but you can’t expect that everyone bends over due your situation. She just needs to be very grateful for whatever help you give her. You are right in setting some boundaries now, otherwise you will be soon coparenting her kids.
>now she’s upset, saying I “don’t understand how hard it is.”
You don’t know how hard it is to write down your schedule? Perhaps if she tries it she’ll learn that she can do it.
She doesn’t know how hard it is to continually deal with rearranging your schedule because of someone else’s total lack of effort or empathy.
Tell her she needs to give you advance notice (and get your agreement to babysit) or she hires a sitter since you aren’t going to cancel your previous commitments again unless someone is bleeding or on fire.
NTA
I hate when people say “you don’t know how hard it is.” Many people who dont have kids *do* understand how hard it is, that’s why they haven’t chosen to have kids yet, or at all
NTA, you are not her partner. She is treating you like that is your child and you are 50% responsible and should be there to pick up the slack anytime she needs it. no you are doing her a FAVOR when it is not in conflict with your life or schedule. Hold firm to your boundaries and dont let her push too far.
NTA. She needs to put the effort into putting things into a calendar and having babysitting planned in advanced. Yes it’s kind to help, but they’re her kids and she needs to sort herself out.
My sister is a single mum, the dad isn’t in the picture at all. She always asks me or our mum in advance to babysit for whatever reason. Sure, there have been a few emergencies over the years which is fine, but she is very in control of her calendar.
NTA just because she had kids doesn’t mean your life has to revolve around that.
NTA. Keep telling her no or step away altogether for a while. She needs to learn to plan and the best way for her to do that is through experiencing what happens when you don’t plan. She also needs to learn not to use you just because you are her sister.
NTA.
She doesn’t value your time, and assumes you’ll do it because you’re family. Has she even looked into babysitters or.. a calendar to keep it together?
NTA I’m a single mom, I know how hard it is. Unless it’s an emergency, every babysitting is scheduled weeks in advance.
NTA. She made the decision to have kids and she knew the responsibilities before she chose that. It’s kind of you to do what you can and she is taking advantage of your kindness. It’s great to help people, but harming your own life to help someone is called being a doormat.
Her failure to plan is not your emergency.
“Sister,
I love you and your children. You need to understand that I have a life and commitments of my own. I cannot continue to rearrange things because you forgot to write your appointments down and reach out to ask for babysitting before the last minute. Moving forward, I will only agree to babysit if you have asked me at least a week and advance and I have no other commitments. If I am free, I will happily babysit. If I already have something scheduled, you will either need to find another sitter or ask for my avail and reschedule your own appointment accordingly. If you ask me last minute, my answer will automatically be no. If you want my help, these are my conditions going forward. Your decision.”
NTA, you aren’t saying you won’t help, but she needs to remember that you have a life and are not some on demand babysitter robot that goes into stasis until the next time she needs you.
It may be hard being a single parent, but she is the one being selfish and inconsiderate here
I love parents that tell me “you don’t understand how hard it is”. Oh I absolutely do, why do you think I chose not to do this? It wasn’t an accident.
I second this. Married 61, no kids, because, well, I didn’t want any.